homesick
when i was a kid the whole family would get together for all holidays- cookouts, egg hunts, gift exchanges, halloween pinatas, endless games of horseshoes and cards. these events would usually be held at my grandma's or my aunt janice's. those are some of the happiest memories i have. that sort of ended once my uncle eugene (janice's husband) died and some family drama shit started and the kids started growing up.
i really miss those fun times.
one thing that sticks out in my mind is one christmas my mom and dad and i were getting out of the car and going inside at my aunt janices'.. i was holding the gifts for the gift exchange and i lagged behind- savouring the crisp frozen air and the clear night sky- smelling the good food and hearing everyone having a good time inside as i looked up at the stars. for some reason this sticks out in my mind as being one of the happiest feelings i can remember.
i guess that is what i want most. i want those times back. i want to be able to share that feeling with the friends and family i have now . i want everybody together again. i want people to give a shit.
i visit home now and things are so different. i feel like a stranger. i feel like everything started to wither once i left- like persephone going to the underworld and all the life on earth goes into hibernation or dies. i feel like i havent been there for people who need me. i feel like i deserted them.
even the cities- my cities- are dying. its sad to drive around zanesville and new lex and crooksville and the old hangouts and shops and fun places are closed-boarded up. everything's changed and i feel so displaced. i dont know where i belong anymore.
is this what growing up is?
i really miss those fun times.
one thing that sticks out in my mind is one christmas my mom and dad and i were getting out of the car and going inside at my aunt janices'.. i was holding the gifts for the gift exchange and i lagged behind- savouring the crisp frozen air and the clear night sky- smelling the good food and hearing everyone having a good time inside as i looked up at the stars. for some reason this sticks out in my mind as being one of the happiest feelings i can remember.
i guess that is what i want most. i want those times back. i want to be able to share that feeling with the friends and family i have now . i want everybody together again. i want people to give a shit.
i visit home now and things are so different. i feel like a stranger. i feel like everything started to wither once i left- like persephone going to the underworld and all the life on earth goes into hibernation or dies. i feel like i havent been there for people who need me. i feel like i deserted them.
even the cities- my cities- are dying. its sad to drive around zanesville and new lex and crooksville and the old hangouts and shops and fun places are closed-boarded up. everything's changed and i feel so displaced. i dont know where i belong anymore.
is this what growing up is?