(no subject)
i am a fatal disease
every girl i've ever loved is losing faith, losing touch with grace
and though i know this must be some hell-bent coincidence
i sometimes think i should not love again
i am a poisonous weed
every kiss a sweet distraction from the fact the venom's acting
faster now than ever and now soon the effects will start to wreck
a otherwise undamaged heart
i called a friend from nashville last night and while i just called to talk, i couldn't really think of anything to say other than one big confessional of how my life was a mess right now. i hadn't even planned on doing that, but maybe that was the reason I called all along. He confessed to having gone through some of the same struggles of late, which was a surprise to me. sometimes i just think every good thing I've ever done has been reversed. people i love are falling away. kids that were in my youth group are falling away. i feel like i am losing my grip.
it doesn't matter how 'socially acceptable' it is, any time your drink total goes double digits in a 2-3 hour timespan, that's a problem. i got a birthday package in the mail this week that i think fueled it. it was the most thoughtful set of gifts i've ever received. no less than 10-12 packages, all individually wrapped, full of little things that only allison and i would understand the full meaning of. I know her intention was not to hurt me with that, but it did hurt. it was a stab-in-the-side reminder of the best of times. it was the best, most thoughtful, terrible, wonderful trojan-horse of a battering molotov cocktail of love i've ever recieved.i was thrown off for the entire weekend. i'm still a little thrown off.
so i drink.
that's not the way to deal with it
but that doesn't mean it's not the way i do.
"truth will stand me up soon."
every girl i've ever loved is losing faith, losing touch with grace
and though i know this must be some hell-bent coincidence
i sometimes think i should not love again
i am a poisonous weed
every kiss a sweet distraction from the fact the venom's acting
faster now than ever and now soon the effects will start to wreck
a otherwise undamaged heart
i called a friend from nashville last night and while i just called to talk, i couldn't really think of anything to say other than one big confessional of how my life was a mess right now. i hadn't even planned on doing that, but maybe that was the reason I called all along. He confessed to having gone through some of the same struggles of late, which was a surprise to me. sometimes i just think every good thing I've ever done has been reversed. people i love are falling away. kids that were in my youth group are falling away. i feel like i am losing my grip.
it doesn't matter how 'socially acceptable' it is, any time your drink total goes double digits in a 2-3 hour timespan, that's a problem. i got a birthday package in the mail this week that i think fueled it. it was the most thoughtful set of gifts i've ever received. no less than 10-12 packages, all individually wrapped, full of little things that only allison and i would understand the full meaning of. I know her intention was not to hurt me with that, but it did hurt. it was a stab-in-the-side reminder of the best of times. it was the best, most thoughtful, terrible, wonderful trojan-horse of a battering molotov cocktail of love i've ever recieved.i was thrown off for the entire weekend. i'm still a little thrown off.
so i drink.
that's not the way to deal with it
but that doesn't mean it's not the way i do.
"truth will stand me up soon."