For Yesterday And Today...

[everything46]

howdy do? well, as for today not many events have occured. i did have plans for today but i slept until 10:30pm so my plans were unfulfiled. i ended up going to mike's diner for a few hours, hung out with charlie for awhile, and when no one else showed up i came home. i ate dinner and checked my email. had an email from emily telling me about

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I wasn't good enough...

[anonymous]

George, I hate to hear about your relationship problem. Some sluts can be bitches, well, actually, most of them, no wait, all of them are, lol. Anyway, I've been really depressed lately because of Seth mostly. I had to talk to him about postponing marriage in June. I'm just not ready. I want to get my bachelors before I try to focus on running a household and enjoying a marriage. I guess I am also worried that I am making a big mistake by marrying him. He's not very intellectual or creative, he's got more common sense than I do and he is very devoted, to me and his job, but he can be very irresponsible, especially with money. If I could have my way, (ha ha right, like that ever happens) I would do something totally different, but I don't think you really want to know. He was angry about my decision, and even demanded the ring back, but when he got here, he changed his mind and cried on my shoulder telling me that I am everything to him. He does that all the time, gets pissed at me, I get pissed back, and then, its all I'm so sorry Jennifer, I love you. Yada yada yada. And for some reason, he knows I always forgive him. On a different note, I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I really want to call you, but I don't know when the best time to catch you is. I miss you. I found the pictures we had taken together an eternity ago. God, we looked so happy. Were we? We looked so, well, for lack of words, good together. I miss that. What I wouldn't give to spend an evening at Mike's playing the word game and drinking a pitcher of water and our billionth cup of coffee. I can remember things so vividly from those days, yet I can't remember the night Seth and I met. I remember the "You look nice today." and the game of kick the aerosol can lid, but I can't remember sitting on White Top talking about Jacob with Seth. Is that bad? I'm so freaking confused lately. Everyone is harping on me about getting a job, but I fear that my grades will suffer and with all the other stresses that I have right now, a job is not going to make ANYTHING easier. Besides all that, jobs are VERY hard to come by here. Well, you know how it is down here. On top of all this, I am still friendless. I am very much not used to that. I'm used to being surrounded by people that enjoy my company and would love nothing better than to spend time laughing with me. I'm always on the verge of tears, television shows and songs on the radio make me burst into tears. What is wrong with me? If you get this before then, I will be home all day Wednesday, I really wouldn't mind a phone call if at all possible. I'm not expecting it, but it would be nice if you can manage. So, I guess I have spilled enough of my guts to you. I'll talk to you soon. I miss you.
Love, Jenn
P.S. I can't blame anyone that wants you back, because I still do.