[Hermione]

[everyone_takes]

Not that she'd say it, but Kate felt sort of stupid about the whole trying to burn down the bookshelf thing. Having to spend the night in an IPD holding cell wasn't exactly her idea of a good time, especially given that the rest of the night had been pretty good. Something had happened to shift her mood, something between Harry and the bookshelf,

Comments

[honestlyrubbish]

"You should have come to me earlier, I'm sure that the Council could have come up with a few hands to help you get situated in no time at all. Actually, I'm fairly certain that the Building Crew would be more than willing to help. Which is less to say that it's part of their job description in the slightest, and more that the group is so lovely and generous on the whole. And, naturally, quite strong," Hermione replied, her expression pleased as she thought of all the people on the island who chose to give their time, effort, and services without a word of complaint, without expecting a single penny (or island equivalent) in return. "Although, now that I think about it... it wouldn't hurt if we actually had a designated group for people to go to for moving services."

Her gaze grew distant before she shook her head quickly, resolving not to bore Kate with the rather frequent thoughts she had regarding the way that the island functioned, both the land itself and the services people provided on it. Considering how small the group was, it was truly rather remarkable that they managed to cover so much, without everyone even volunteering on a regular basis.

But she'd always felt that the island tended towards picking remarkable people, after all.

"I shouldn't bore you with talk of labor, though," Hermione went on, eyes narrowing lightly as a hesitant smile toyed at her lips. "At least, I have the impression that your life's been much more interesting as of late than my own."

[everyone_takes]

Looking guilty, Kate glanced over at Hermione, trying to read her expression. There were a few things she could have meant, between jail and Harry, and Kate didn't want to start talking about her recent desire to light things on fire if that wasn't what Hermione was referring to. After a moment, though, she sighed, bordering on dramatic, and asked, "Jail time or Harry not coming home?"

Maybe she didn't want the whole island to know, but this was Hermione. If she didn't tell her now, she was sure Harry might mention it. She hadn't asked him to keep it quiet and there wasn't anything to be embarrassed about, anyway. It had been stupid, she knew that, but she'd been so stoned that she hadn't known what she was doing. Not the best excuse, but still sort of a reason.

Besides, Hermione didn't look pissed. So if it was about the bookshelf, at least Kate thought she might escape another lecture about it. She'd heard a few now, from the cop, of course, but also something that sort of resembled a lecture coming from Jeff, of all people. On the other hand, maybe Hermione hadn't known about it at all. Maybe she'd only been referring to Harry, in which case Kate hoped she ignored the bit about jail time.

[honestlyrubbish]

She couldn't quite smile fully, although the temptation was there. Mostly, she didn't want to encourage such activities, although certainly, Hermione hoped that the consequences were enough to keep Kate from ever trying again. Kate didn't seem like a foolish girl. If anything, she seemed smarter and more sensible than most girls Hermione knew, even if she could also spot the rebellious streak from a thousand miles away- it was something that Hermione believed attracted Harry, in fact, although she couldn't say for sure and hadn't talked to Harry at length about the relationship. But even looking at the aspects of Ginny that Harry noticed most, it was the confidence, the ability to toss other people's words over a shoulder if they didn't fit or chafed. There was Effy Stonem, too, who Hermione had never meaningfully met, but to call her conventionally feminine wouldn't have been right.

Hermione didn't want to stamp it out, of course. Often, she lived envying the fact that other girls felt they could be so free with their actions. But maybe it needed to be directed down a different path.

"I was thinking... both, actually," Hermione replied with a nod of her head. "I know what happened with the former, and I suppose all I have to say about that is to hope that it doesn't happen again, or to ask you if there was something other than the substances you took which compelled you to try and burn down the bookshelf. With the latter, I... don't really know where to begin." She offered a helpless grin. "I'm not trying to to lecture so much as understand."

[everyone_takes]

Mostly, the drugs were responsible, but there had been other reasons. It was difficult to explain it sometimes, even to Marshall, who understood better than anyone what it was like to live with their mother and the frustrations that nothing seemed to help her. Doctors could promise the world, medications that pushed the alters down or therapy that would help Tara discover the whys, but it seemed like she always ended up having to do it on her own.

It would be a hell of a lot easier to talk about sex, but Kate doubted Hermione would leave it at that, and she didn't like the idea of lying to the other girl either. There were things worth lying about. This wasn't one of them.

"My mom is sick," she said, seeing the top of their new hut peek through the trees. Concentrating on that meant she didn't have to look at Hermione while she said any of this. "Not like, terminally ill or anything, but she has a mental illness called DID. It basically means that something bad happened to her a long time ago and to protect herself, her mind split into a bunch of different pieces, so now she's other people when she gets stressed out. And no one's ever been able to help her. Ever. And the bookshelf was just giving me all this shit about how to help and what kinds of therapy she should be doing and none of it ever worked, so... I got pissed." Which was sort of a lame excuse, but it was the only one she had.

[honestlyrubbish]

It wasn't the answer that Hermione expected, but perhaps that only made her feel all the more sure about how she'd chosen to look into what Kate had been feeling in those few days. There was the slightest twinge of guilt, one that told her that she should have asked about Kate's family earlier, and that she should have done her best to learn about her friend and every burden that she had carried from home to the island. But how was she to know? As selfish and self-centered as it seemed in retrospect, Hermione knew that with everything that had happened in her own world, that she would forget to ask about another was only natural. What she and Harry and Ron had experienced in their time wasn't something that they could expect others to understand.

But what Kate had been through, too, was an entirely different type of burden. And frankly, Hermione didn't know that it was any lighter to bear.

"I've... heard of something like that before. Admittedly, I don't know much about mental illnesses, but you hear the term multiple personality disorder thrown around quite a bit, so." She winced, wishing that she'd done more to look into the subject at the time, in spite of knowing that it wouldn't have been the top of her priorities at any point in the past seven years. "I don't know if the two are at all similar, but I'm so sorry, Kate, I had no idea."

[everyone_takes]

"Same thing," Kate said, looking at Hermione with a faint smile. "It used to be called MPD, now it's DID. Dissociative Identity Disorder." But it was the same. No matter what they changed the name to, it all meant that Kate's mom sometimes wasn't Kate's mom. That sometimes she was a teenager and sometimes she was a shrink and sometimes she was a war veteran with a bigger porn and gun collection than Kate had ever seen.

"But it's not a big deal," she added, heading up the steps of her new home and pushing the door open with her hip, holding it for Hermione. "I mean, she's been that way my whole life, it's not something that anyone has to be sorry about." That it had sucked, she wouldn't deny, and if it wasn't a bit of a sore spot, she probably wouldn't have tried to burn down the bookshelf, but she wasn't embarrassed by it either.

"That photo album you're carrying has pictures of most of them," she said, setting down her load on the bed in her room. "My mom, Alice, Buck and T. There were some new ones before I came here, though. Ones I just found out about."

[honestlyrubbish]

"Ah," Hermione nodded, brows furrowing as she tried to reason out the purpose of such a change in nomenclature. Dissociative Identity seemed to be far more specific, even in name alone. The idea that one's very perception and memory could be so fractured in a way that made various different people altogether within one single body, rather than merely being a shift of mood or personality. "I suppose they wanted to make it clear that it's not merely a mood swing, or different emotions as applied to a single person." Even voicing those words alone felt callous enough, and so Hermione quickly quieted down after, carefully setting down the items she'd helped carry and taking care not to damage any single one.

"It just sounds like... such a burden," Hermione murmured, wrapping her arms tightly around herself, hair falling in loose tendrils that framed her face. "Which is not to say that I think you or your family aren't capable of handling it, but it's one of those things that's unfair. That you wish good people wouldn't have to cope with."

Her gaze lingered on the photo album before she looked up again, gaze hesitant. "Do you mind if I... take a look? If you'd rather not, I won't be offended in the least."

[everyone_takes]

"Go ahead," Kate answered, dumping some of her things onto Marshall's bed. She'd make sure to move it before he came home, but for now, she needed the room. Somehow, in just a year on the island, she'd managed to gather a whole bunch of things, most things she didn't even use half the time. It was a lot like being back in Kansas, in that sense, her bedroom filled with things she didn't need.

"One of my mom's alters made it for me," she said, turning back to Hermione and sitting on the bed, nodding at the album. "She was super pissed at me, she like, attacked me in this restaurant bathroom and tried to wash my mouth out with soap." Remembering that still bugged her a little, like Alice might pop out somewhere, but without her mother, and she'd want everything to be her way. "I think it was her way of saying she was sorry. She said some pretty shitty things about me."

Some of them had hurt Kate a lot, even if she'd never admit it. But she'd also grown up a lot since then -- not past trying to light things on fire, apparently -- and she knew that her mom didn't think those things that Alice said.

[honestlyrubbish]

Hermione's brow furrowed at the story, both curious and disturbed at once. It was no wonder that such a mental illness was so taboo, she thought to herself. How were people expected to simply believe that an alter wasn't some type of manifestation of a person's true emotions? How were people supposed to understand the disconnect between the personalities, rather than simply see them as moods, or as an excuse to behave in a way that a person wouldn't have felt free to, otherwise? Already, she was resolving to find as many texts on the illness if she could, if it wouldn't overly upset Kate in the process, wanting to know what type of cause or series of pressures would result in that sort of outcome. Carefully and wordlessly, she thumbed through the album, fingers lightly grazing over that same face in each photo.

Same face being, of course, a bit generous. The expressions each persona wore seemed so different that it took a careful eye to recognize that the bone structure in each was the same, the color of the hair identical.

"They're... truly different people," she marveled, though her voice was heavy and sobered. "I'm glad that the, erm, the alter apologized. Your mother has no recollection of what happens when she's under the control of a different identity, does she?"

[everyone_takes]

"Most of the time she doesn't," Kate answered, looking at a picture of Buck, holding his gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. "That's Buck and Persephone. He named his gun."

She looked at the picture for a moment, smiling fondly. Most of the time she missed her mother, missed Tara, but there were times when she wanted Buck or T or, not that she'd admit it, even Alice. The raves would totally be T's scene, the drugs and the lights and all the sex. Buck would probably try to start a gun club and Alice would have been a great addition to the island bakery.

"There's this things called co-consciousness," she said slowly. "I don't know a lot about it, because it's never been something she had a lot of, but lately she'd mentioned it. It's like when you're not there, it's one of the alters, but you're aware of what's going on anyway. It's supposed to be a good sign, like some kind of break through." But in the end, her mom still didn't even know what had caused the split, so Kate wasn't sure what kind of break through it could be.

[honestlyrubbish]

Hermione bit down on her thumbnail as she perused through the pages, pausing for a longer amount of time on Buck's portrait. Out of all of the alters, he seemed to be the one who contrasted most with the others, the one who couldn't be attributed to a night dedicated to reliving one's past, or couldn't be brushed off as a woman dressed in her Sunday nines. "Persephone," Hermione repeated with a soft and incredulous laugh. "I wasn't aware that people even named their guns, but I suppose... if you have such a great attachment to any tool, it can take up a life of its own."

Pulling her legs onto the bed, Hermione let out a quiet exhale, pausing in her perusal of the album. "You know, I'd always known that stress could affect people in any number of ways, but I'd never really stopped to consider the implications, over the years. I don't know how much of it's really my story to tell, but ever since I entered Hogwarts- the school I ended from age eleven forward- there was always something that seemed more pressing or immediate," she considered, tilting her head. "It seems that no matter how quickly I tried to learn back then, there's still so much more out there to understand. So much that we, as a group, don't yet."

[everyone_takes]

At that, Kate smiled a little, lifting one shoulder in a slight shrug. There was no sense kidding herself; for all the things she had going for her, Marshall was the smart one in the family. Maybe that was why it was easy for Kate to see that Hermione was right. There was so much left to learn, all sorts of things people might never understand, no matter how hard they tried.

And it was that thought that had sent her to the bookshelf with matches. That knowledge that Tara might be sick forever, no matter what anyone did.

"I think that's what some people consider the fun part of life," she pointed out, flipping over onto her stomach, her chin in her hands. "People can learn forever. And even if someone reads all the books in the world, they still can't know everything." It was both frustrating and fascinating, the knowledge that some things just had to be faced in order to be understood.

[honestlyrubbish]

"Oh, believe me," Hermione replied with a soft, breathless laugh. "I'd be the last person to argue against the fact that having such a complex and varied world has its advantages. It certainly keeps any of us from being... bored, I suppose. We can engage with any part of the world, be it people, places, creatures, and literally never come to an end of things to learn and explore. That has its own beauty." Her lips quirked a bit wryly, knowing how certain people would have accused her of overthinking it all, of being too enamored with academia. Her own two best friends didn't share the same fervor for class, and likely never would.

Glancing up again, she shrugged lightly. "But at the same time, that's daunting, isn't it? Especially when all you really want to know is the answer to some small question, some matter so minute when placed against the vast nature of the universe, and yet still can never seem to learn enough." Her gaze brushed down again. "I don't blame you at all for being frustrated."

[everyone_takes]

"So I'm forgiven for trying to burn down the bookshelf?" Kate asked with a grin. Although she was trying to make light of it, there was something a little serious in the question. Most of the time she genuinely didn't care what people thought of her, but she wanted certain people to like her, too. It was stupid that it was important to her, but it was, even if she'd never say it.

"I thought Jeff was gonna kill me," she admitted. "He had no idea what to do, he was just like, flailing." He hadn't flailed at all, but he certainly hadn't known what to do either and Kate couldn't help but be a little amused by that. Giving Jeff a hard time was always a little bit of fun, yet she'd been a little worried about that, too. There was all sorts of stupid shit she could do to test people, but eventually, they'd get sick of it. Eventually they'd take off.

"But besides that, it was a pretty good night," she said. "I mean, jail time aside, it wasn't so bad."

[honestlyrubbish]

"Yes, you're forgiven," Hermione exhaled, a fond sigh, exaggerated and tolerant. She still felt, admittedly, rather uncomfortable at the idea of diving into drugs which impaired one's judgment so thoroughly- but as her regular scolding of both Harry and Ron never seemed to land in this respect, she didn't quite feel enough inclination to pass on the advice to those who were probably much better at limiting themselves. (With the occasional, island-triggered exception.) "Granted it's easier for me to do after the fact, seeing as how no one was really harmed. I'm sure that I'd feel a little differently, were I in Jeff's position."

Her lips curved into a smile, gaze falling to the ground. "But believe me, I've done my share of reckless things, especially in the heat of the moment." A touch of mischief lingered in her eyes as she looked up again. "Though I'm not sure very many have involved keeping someone else's roommate away for the night."

[everyone_takes]

Laughing, Kate shrugged a little, looking at the bed spread as if it happened to be the most fascinating thing in the world. It wasn't that she was embarrassed at all -- it wasn't exactly her first time and she was plenty comfortable talking about sex -- but it was something other than that, something she couldn't place. Maybe because the whole thing with Harry was bigger than anything else she'd had with any other guy, something she'd miss if she fucked it up.

"That's only because you live with your boyfriend," she pointed out in return, her lips curving up into a smirk. "So you don't have to worry about keeping him out all night. But now that you've said that, I totally need to hear about these reckless things you've done in the heat of the moment. Sounds pretty awesome." She was teasing, but only a little. There was something about Hermione that made Kate believe she was completely capable of doing something reckless in the right situation.