Oncoming Storms 126.2
Question: What would your life be like if there was someone in it you'd never met?
ooc: Melody Williams 'is a Geometry teacher'. - So says Amy.
She’d spent a lot of her life waiting for something she couldn't name; her life happened to her instead of being lived and each new thing she thought the waiting was ended. Waiting to move out of her parents house. Waiting to finish school. Waiting for Marc, for the birth of their son. She’d been waiting for as long as she could remember, always feeling like there was something else, just out of reach, something worth waiting for.
Marc was asleep beside her, his breathing even and comforting, she listened and tried to match her own inhalation to his hoping the routine in and out would soothe her mind and she could join him in sleep. It didn’t and after a while she sighed and decided to climb a nearby hill and sit under the stars.
She often went there and laid under the night sky, more waiting. It gave her a chance to think, and regroup and if he woke up Marc would know where to find her. It was where they had met as children, running wild over the hills until their mum's had called them in for supper.
The sky was full of stars, and the moon was full; she walked up the hill, one foot in front of the other. She inhaled the scent of the grass she was crushing under her feet, and her ears became attuned to the sounds of the insects she was disturbing.
And then she heard the sound of someone else, following her through the grass.
“Jude,” she called quietly. “I guess you’d better get up here.”
Her son presented himself promptly. The moonlight gave just a hint of the easy grin she knew would be present on his face, trying to ingratiate himself now that he’d been caught. He was a charmer, this one and more like her than she liked to admit. She knelt and hugged him tightly before she began her interrogation. He was dressed in his nightclothes, with his boots covering his feet.
“Does your dad know you’re not in bed?”
“No,” Jude said without elaboration.
“Why not?”
“He’s asleep, same reason you didn’t tell him where you were going.” The boy shrugged. “Where are you going?”
“To the top of the hill,” she told him, debating the wisdom of sending him home alone in the dark. Something was wrong, she thought. He was usually a lot more talkative. “To think. Can you be quiet while I do that?”
He shrugged one more time. “Sure,” he said.
“You’d better come with me then,” she said, and set off again, holding his hand securely. As they walked at a pace comfortable for her son’s short legs, she asked, “What are you doing out here?”
“I heard you get up so I came to see you,” he said.
“To make sure I’d come back?” she asked guiltily, suddenly realizing what might have brought him out here. Marc had never seemed to worry about these excursions of hers, about her going off at all hours, he'd known her too long not to love it as a part of her. But maybe Jude was different.
Maybe he was waiting as much as she was - waiting for the day she’d be gone when he woke up and didn't come back. He was old enough now to sense her restlessness and she was suddenly very sorry.
“No,” he said bravely, but she heard the uncertainty in his voice.
“Are you sure?” she asked him. “It’s all right to be scared sometimes.”
“No one else’s mum goes out like this,” he said.
“Well, I’m not everyone else’s mum, am I?” she said, stung by the truth despite herself. She kept walking, not wanting to make too much fuss. After a moment, she said to him, trying to explain, “Jude, nothing means more to me than you, and your dad. And your grandparents.”
He stumbled slightly on the dry grass and squeezed her hand, silently admitting he was afraid he’d see less and less of her until she disappeared from his life permanently.
“I promise you,” she told him, as they reached the top of the hill, “That I will always come back.” She paused for a moment and crouched down in front of him, knowing he’d believe her, knowing because she’d believe him if they were reversed. “You’re special and I love you - so I’ll always come back.”
“Okay,” he said, seeming reassured.
She hugged him again, enjoying holding his small frame in her arms. But the image of a tall man with brown hair and infinitely deep eyes flashed into her mind, a man she’d seen once coming out of her parents house, fleetingly as a girl barely older than her son was now and never forgotten despite not knowing who he was or where he’d gone. She’d barely blinked and he’d disappeared. Her mum had claimed he'd been asking directions, and it was the one time in her life she knew what her mum was saying had been a lie.
“Time for me to think now,” she said. She sat down, cross-legged, her back to the moon so she could see the most stars. “Come here,” she told him, patting the ground next to her, and Jude curled up alongside her with his head in her lap. She smoothed his hair and hoped he would go to sleep.
*
Her son was quiet, and she sat and looked at the stars. The hillside felt like home in a way nowhere else had ever felt like home. She’d almost outgrown the need to come here, accepted her life - forgot about what was missing, most of the time - but once in a while, nights like tonight, she needed the comfort of the vast night sky. Deep and dark and like the memory of those eyes.
She was startled out of her reverie by Jude’s voice. Surprisingly, he sounded wide awake. “What are you thinking about, Mum?” he asked.
He’d been quiet a long time, letting her sort things out. He deserved an answer. She took a breath and smiled.
“I’m remembering, dreams and plans and things your dad and I planned up here on this hill.” The things she’d lost. The things that she missed, that she was waiting for without being able to stop. Her dreams more than Marc's who had always seemed content so long as she was beside him.
Jude brought his hand up and scratched his nose, apparently thinking about what she’d said. Finally, he asked, “But you're happy here? With us?”
“Yes. This is where I belong. With you and your dad.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to call it home even though she hadn't known anywhere else that had been more of one, even for this little boy that she loved with all her heart, and she hoped he wouldn’t notice.
Jude yawned, stretching out his words: “That’s good.”
It was good, she thought. This wasn’t the life she’d expected, wanted, but there was nothing she could do about that. It wasn’t the life she'd dreamed about, and she knew deep down she would always be waiting for something she couldn’t name. But it was a good life.
She leaned down and gave Jude a kiss on the cheek. “I suppose we should go home before your dad wakes up and worries about us,” she said.
“Okay,” he agreed, and sat up.
She stood and picked him up and settled him on her hip. He laid his head on her shoulder, seemingly content, and she carried him back to the house.
*
Despite the late hour, there was a light on the porch, and Marc was just walking out the front door when she arrived. From his agitated movements, she guessed he’d woken up after all and discovered Jude was missing, and was setting out to look for him.
He looked at her, at the sleeping child in her arms, questioned her wordlessly.
She gave him a rueful smile, shrugged apologetically. “He came looking for me,” she said. “He heard me get up.”
He nodded, no longer worried about his son, but something in his eyes told her he sensed that something had happened, something different. Could he sense the grief she always felt without being able to explain why when she returned from the hillside?
He would never ask, this gentle man she’d loved as much as she was able her entire life, her constant - always there in this little house on a hill blanketed by the stars. But tomorrow, she thought, she would tell him... she didn’t know what. Didn’t know if she had more to give him than she already was.
Without reproach, he took Jude from her, turned to put their child back to bed.
“Marc,” she blurted, and he stopped and turned back to look at her. The silence stretched while she wondered what she’d intended to say. No point in telling him pleasant lies; she never had before. The truth was the one thing she had always been able to give him.
“Thank you,” she told him, reaching out to brush his cheek with her fingers. He smiled at her gently, and she tried not to notice the surprise in his eyes at the unexpected caress.
"I love you Melody," If things had been different, she wouldn’t have been here at all, but since things were what they were she was grateful for his constancy.
"I love you." She murmured at his back as he carried Jude to bed, then she returned to their room to wait.
Muse: River Song
Fandom: Doctor Who
ooc: Melody Williams 'is a Geometry teacher'. - So says Amy.
She’d spent a lot of her life waiting for something she couldn't name; her life happened to her instead of being lived and each new thing she thought the waiting was ended. Waiting to move out of her parents house. Waiting to finish school. Waiting for Marc, for the birth of their son. She’d been waiting for as long as she could remember, always feeling like there was something else, just out of reach, something worth waiting for.
Marc was asleep beside her, his breathing even and comforting, she listened and tried to match her own inhalation to his hoping the routine in and out would soothe her mind and she could join him in sleep. It didn’t and after a while she sighed and decided to climb a nearby hill and sit under the stars.
She often went there and laid under the night sky, more waiting. It gave her a chance to think, and regroup and if he woke up Marc would know where to find her. It was where they had met as children, running wild over the hills until their mum's had called them in for supper.
The sky was full of stars, and the moon was full; she walked up the hill, one foot in front of the other. She inhaled the scent of the grass she was crushing under her feet, and her ears became attuned to the sounds of the insects she was disturbing.
And then she heard the sound of someone else, following her through the grass.
“Jude,” she called quietly. “I guess you’d better get up here.”
Her son presented himself promptly. The moonlight gave just a hint of the easy grin she knew would be present on his face, trying to ingratiate himself now that he’d been caught. He was a charmer, this one and more like her than she liked to admit. She knelt and hugged him tightly before she began her interrogation. He was dressed in his nightclothes, with his boots covering his feet.
“Does your dad know you’re not in bed?”
“No,” Jude said without elaboration.
“Why not?”
“He’s asleep, same reason you didn’t tell him where you were going.” The boy shrugged. “Where are you going?”
“To the top of the hill,” she told him, debating the wisdom of sending him home alone in the dark. Something was wrong, she thought. He was usually a lot more talkative. “To think. Can you be quiet while I do that?”
He shrugged one more time. “Sure,” he said.
“You’d better come with me then,” she said, and set off again, holding his hand securely. As they walked at a pace comfortable for her son’s short legs, she asked, “What are you doing out here?”
“I heard you get up so I came to see you,” he said.
“To make sure I’d come back?” she asked guiltily, suddenly realizing what might have brought him out here. Marc had never seemed to worry about these excursions of hers, about her going off at all hours, he'd known her too long not to love it as a part of her. But maybe Jude was different.
Maybe he was waiting as much as she was - waiting for the day she’d be gone when he woke up and didn't come back. He was old enough now to sense her restlessness and she was suddenly very sorry.
“No,” he said bravely, but she heard the uncertainty in his voice.
“Are you sure?” she asked him. “It’s all right to be scared sometimes.”
“No one else’s mum goes out like this,” he said.
“Well, I’m not everyone else’s mum, am I?” she said, stung by the truth despite herself. She kept walking, not wanting to make too much fuss. After a moment, she said to him, trying to explain, “Jude, nothing means more to me than you, and your dad. And your grandparents.”
He stumbled slightly on the dry grass and squeezed her hand, silently admitting he was afraid he’d see less and less of her until she disappeared from his life permanently.
“I promise you,” she told him, as they reached the top of the hill, “That I will always come back.” She paused for a moment and crouched down in front of him, knowing he’d believe her, knowing because she’d believe him if they were reversed. “You’re special and I love you - so I’ll always come back.”
“Okay,” he said, seeming reassured.
She hugged him again, enjoying holding his small frame in her arms. But the image of a tall man with brown hair and infinitely deep eyes flashed into her mind, a man she’d seen once coming out of her parents house, fleetingly as a girl barely older than her son was now and never forgotten despite not knowing who he was or where he’d gone. She’d barely blinked and he’d disappeared. Her mum had claimed he'd been asking directions, and it was the one time in her life she knew what her mum was saying had been a lie.
“Time for me to think now,” she said. She sat down, cross-legged, her back to the moon so she could see the most stars. “Come here,” she told him, patting the ground next to her, and Jude curled up alongside her with his head in her lap. She smoothed his hair and hoped he would go to sleep.
*
Her son was quiet, and she sat and looked at the stars. The hillside felt like home in a way nowhere else had ever felt like home. She’d almost outgrown the need to come here, accepted her life - forgot about what was missing, most of the time - but once in a while, nights like tonight, she needed the comfort of the vast night sky. Deep and dark and like the memory of those eyes.
She was startled out of her reverie by Jude’s voice. Surprisingly, he sounded wide awake. “What are you thinking about, Mum?” he asked.
He’d been quiet a long time, letting her sort things out. He deserved an answer. She took a breath and smiled.
“I’m remembering, dreams and plans and things your dad and I planned up here on this hill.” The things she’d lost. The things that she missed, that she was waiting for without being able to stop. Her dreams more than Marc's who had always seemed content so long as she was beside him.
Jude brought his hand up and scratched his nose, apparently thinking about what she’d said. Finally, he asked, “But you're happy here? With us?”
“Yes. This is where I belong. With you and your dad.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to call it home even though she hadn't known anywhere else that had been more of one, even for this little boy that she loved with all her heart, and she hoped he wouldn’t notice.
Jude yawned, stretching out his words: “That’s good.”
It was good, she thought. This wasn’t the life she’d expected, wanted, but there was nothing she could do about that. It wasn’t the life she'd dreamed about, and she knew deep down she would always be waiting for something she couldn’t name. But it was a good life.
She leaned down and gave Jude a kiss on the cheek. “I suppose we should go home before your dad wakes up and worries about us,” she said.
“Okay,” he agreed, and sat up.
She stood and picked him up and settled him on her hip. He laid his head on her shoulder, seemingly content, and she carried him back to the house.
*
Despite the late hour, there was a light on the porch, and Marc was just walking out the front door when she arrived. From his agitated movements, she guessed he’d woken up after all and discovered Jude was missing, and was setting out to look for him.
He looked at her, at the sleeping child in her arms, questioned her wordlessly.
She gave him a rueful smile, shrugged apologetically. “He came looking for me,” she said. “He heard me get up.”
He nodded, no longer worried about his son, but something in his eyes told her he sensed that something had happened, something different. Could he sense the grief she always felt without being able to explain why when she returned from the hillside?
He would never ask, this gentle man she’d loved as much as she was able her entire life, her constant - always there in this little house on a hill blanketed by the stars. But tomorrow, she thought, she would tell him... she didn’t know what. Didn’t know if she had more to give him than she already was.
Without reproach, he took Jude from her, turned to put their child back to bed.
“Marc,” she blurted, and he stopped and turned back to look at her. The silence stretched while she wondered what she’d intended to say. No point in telling him pleasant lies; she never had before. The truth was the one thing she had always been able to give him.
“Thank you,” she told him, reaching out to brush his cheek with her fingers. He smiled at her gently, and she tried not to notice the surprise in his eyes at the unexpected caress.
"I love you Melody," If things had been different, she wouldn’t have been here at all, but since things were what they were she was grateful for his constancy.
"I love you." She murmured at his back as he carried Jude to bed, then she returned to their room to wait.
Muse: River Song
Fandom: Doctor Who