Changes.
I don't like who i am.
I really don't.
I think i'm going to change.
My personality sucks.
I'm mean to everyone.
I dont even know why i am mean to everyone.
I have this feeling that my friends will start to disclued me.
Push me away.
I look back on last year and how i was so different.
Preppy, Giddy, Happy all the time.
I'm not like that now.
And my friends dont understand.
So i think im changing.
It seems i changed to make other people like me.
I mean Nick.
I used to listen to rap.
I started listening to rock b.c of Nick.
I used to dress differently.
I changed my aperience for Nick.
I've changed alot for Nick.
He just doesnt know how much.
I wish i were happy all the time.
I wish i didnt have all these problems.
I wish i did good in skool.
Or atleast make an effort.
I really dont know whats wrong with me.
I really,really, dont know.
The only things that i solidly know are that I love Nick.
That i love Britt.
That Nick is the greatest boyfriend.
Brit is the greatest friend.
Then i look at myself.
I dont treat either of them the way i should.
I should be more kinder.
Not so controlling,
Bossy,
mean.
I dont want that in my life.
I love Britt and Nick more than anyother people.
They are the only ones i can open up to.
The only ones i know that will be there forever.
..I treat them like crap.
Not so much Britt, she does it right back to me when i start on her =P.
But Nick.
I always want him to do things.
Or not to do things.
Just for me.
For me.
Thats disgusting.
Im disgusted in myself.
I'm making Nick change.
"Dont do this, Dont do that".
"you cant go there, You cant go here".
I know im making him feel obligated to do things, just so i wont be angry with him.
I changed that kid.
I really did.
I was looking around his room the other day,
..no anime posters.
..no majic cards.
..Nothing that used to be there.
That used to be there before him and me started dating.
I'm making him who i want him to be.
Well i made him into who i wanted him to be.
i'm sure he does that anime shit still.
But to where i dont know.
I dont want him to hide things from me.
I dont want anyone to hide things from me.
I cant belive what i do to people.
How i make them feel.
And how i demand respect.
As if i need it?
Please.
No one should respect someone like me.
I hate myself. I hate how i look. How i speak. How i feel.
I used to love me. Alot.
..and i thought that was my problem.
Well feeling better about urself rather than feeling worse is much better.
Yes, Im changing. =(.
-Trish
I really don't.
I think i'm going to change.
My personality sucks.
I'm mean to everyone.
I dont even know why i am mean to everyone.
I have this feeling that my friends will start to disclued me.
Push me away.
I look back on last year and how i was so different.
Preppy, Giddy, Happy all the time.
I'm not like that now.
And my friends dont understand.
So i think im changing.
It seems i changed to make other people like me.
I mean Nick.
I used to listen to rap.
I started listening to rock b.c of Nick.
I used to dress differently.
I changed my aperience for Nick.
I've changed alot for Nick.
He just doesnt know how much.
I wish i were happy all the time.
I wish i didnt have all these problems.
I wish i did good in skool.
Or atleast make an effort.
I really dont know whats wrong with me.
I really,really, dont know.
The only things that i solidly know are that I love Nick.
That i love Britt.
That Nick is the greatest boyfriend.
Brit is the greatest friend.
Then i look at myself.
I dont treat either of them the way i should.
I should be more kinder.
Not so controlling,
Bossy,
mean.
I dont want that in my life.
I love Britt and Nick more than anyother people.
They are the only ones i can open up to.
The only ones i know that will be there forever.
..I treat them like crap.
Not so much Britt, she does it right back to me when i start on her =P.
But Nick.
I always want him to do things.
Or not to do things.
Just for me.
For me.
Thats disgusting.
Im disgusted in myself.
I'm making Nick change.
"Dont do this, Dont do that".
"you cant go there, You cant go here".
I know im making him feel obligated to do things, just so i wont be angry with him.
I changed that kid.
I really did.
I was looking around his room the other day,
..no anime posters.
..no majic cards.
..Nothing that used to be there.
That used to be there before him and me started dating.
I'm making him who i want him to be.
Well i made him into who i wanted him to be.
i'm sure he does that anime shit still.
But to where i dont know.
I dont want him to hide things from me.
I dont want anyone to hide things from me.
I cant belive what i do to people.
How i make them feel.
And how i demand respect.
As if i need it?
Please.
No one should respect someone like me.
I hate myself. I hate how i look. How i speak. How i feel.
I used to love me. Alot.
..and i thought that was my problem.
Well feeling better about urself rather than feeling worse is much better.
Yes, Im changing. =(.
-Trish