(no subject)
I haven't written since July 31st of last summer. What good times those were. And oh, how i miss them. And OH, how things have changed. Not necessarily for the worse... but life is so very different.
Junior year is winding to a close. I don't like it. I can't say I don't want summer, that would obviously be ridiculous. I can't even say that this year has been incredibly fantastic in its own right. But hell, I laughed every single day without fail. That's the thing about Stuart that I decided I really really love. Even as we're all swamped in junior and senior year hellish work, and the friend and boy drama never ends, and then there's practice and rehearsal and community service and prom and God knows what else all piling up... we still have such a good time. This year, I made friends that I will never, ever forget. And I realized that Stuart is like... the most incredible place. It's so freaking quirky and odd but there is SO MUCH love. I sincerely doubt that I went one SINGLE day this school year without getting a bear hug and/or a kiss on the cheek, and/or a compliment, and/or a smile from someone I've never really taken the time to speak to. Most often it's hugs. I could not get through life without hugs.
I feel like this probably sounds like the kind of thing that comes at the end of senior year, not junior year. I know exactly why, though. It's because the people that I consider my closest friends are seniors. That is both extremely fortunate and rather unfortunate. Fortunate because they are absolutely amazing people and I'm lucky as hell to have gotten to be so close to them this year. Unfortunate because next year, when they're gone, I don't know what I'm going to do. It sounds selfish, even to me, but I freaking don't want them to leave me. I hate the fact that my best friends are going out into the world and I have to stay and deal with people and all their stupid drama. Not that there won't be drama wherever I go. And I know it's infinitely harder for them because they have to leave everything behind and start something new. But it's hard to be the one left behind. I'm just going to miss them so much. It's unbelievable. I don't think any of them really realize.
They're the ones that I get (many of) my hugs from, and give (many of) my hugs to. They tolerate my bitching and moaning about whatever my topic du jour is. We can ALWAYS have a fantastic time, whether we're in school laughing at Dudrow examining a bra that she pulled out of the trash can or laying on the floor outside Anne's office or eye-raping each other in class or slamming our heads into the (cement or green brick) wall over calculus or doing the "no touching below the waist" prom grind... or out of school, having illegal house parties or dying 6 different people's hair and writing obscenities in hair dye or baking intense amounts of cookies or playing drunk air hockey or having CRAZY soca/rent dance parties or playing bear in the freezing grass at night. I just absolutely can't imagine life without all of that kind of stuff next year.
It's not that I don't love my own class. I absolutely do. And I feel like we will bond a lot next year, even more than we already have, and we've gotten a lot better this year than we used to be. So I'm not actually *worried* about having friends next year, because I do have great friends in my own class. But I also have people to deal with in my class that make life difficult. It just won't be the same without the seniors.
They're all freaking out (and by all, I really mean Hilary.. haha love you Hil) over leaving. All I can say to them is that I will miss them more than they'll ever know. And that they are excellent at life and will have a great time at college and it will all be okay.
AAGGGHHHH.
Once more: it will all be okay.
I just realized that I don't even know if I have friends on this anymore. Conversation with myself. Oh, well. Comment if you're out there.
Junior year is winding to a close. I don't like it. I can't say I don't want summer, that would obviously be ridiculous. I can't even say that this year has been incredibly fantastic in its own right. But hell, I laughed every single day without fail. That's the thing about Stuart that I decided I really really love. Even as we're all swamped in junior and senior year hellish work, and the friend and boy drama never ends, and then there's practice and rehearsal and community service and prom and God knows what else all piling up... we still have such a good time. This year, I made friends that I will never, ever forget. And I realized that Stuart is like... the most incredible place. It's so freaking quirky and odd but there is SO MUCH love. I sincerely doubt that I went one SINGLE day this school year without getting a bear hug and/or a kiss on the cheek, and/or a compliment, and/or a smile from someone I've never really taken the time to speak to. Most often it's hugs. I could not get through life without hugs.
I feel like this probably sounds like the kind of thing that comes at the end of senior year, not junior year. I know exactly why, though. It's because the people that I consider my closest friends are seniors. That is both extremely fortunate and rather unfortunate. Fortunate because they are absolutely amazing people and I'm lucky as hell to have gotten to be so close to them this year. Unfortunate because next year, when they're gone, I don't know what I'm going to do. It sounds selfish, even to me, but I freaking don't want them to leave me. I hate the fact that my best friends are going out into the world and I have to stay and deal with people and all their stupid drama. Not that there won't be drama wherever I go. And I know it's infinitely harder for them because they have to leave everything behind and start something new. But it's hard to be the one left behind. I'm just going to miss them so much. It's unbelievable. I don't think any of them really realize.
They're the ones that I get (many of) my hugs from, and give (many of) my hugs to. They tolerate my bitching and moaning about whatever my topic du jour is. We can ALWAYS have a fantastic time, whether we're in school laughing at Dudrow examining a bra that she pulled out of the trash can or laying on the floor outside Anne's office or eye-raping each other in class or slamming our heads into the (cement or green brick) wall over calculus or doing the "no touching below the waist" prom grind... or out of school, having illegal house parties or dying 6 different people's hair and writing obscenities in hair dye or baking intense amounts of cookies or playing drunk air hockey or having CRAZY soca/rent dance parties or playing bear in the freezing grass at night. I just absolutely can't imagine life without all of that kind of stuff next year.
It's not that I don't love my own class. I absolutely do. And I feel like we will bond a lot next year, even more than we already have, and we've gotten a lot better this year than we used to be. So I'm not actually *worried* about having friends next year, because I do have great friends in my own class. But I also have people to deal with in my class that make life difficult. It just won't be the same without the seniors.
They're all freaking out (and by all, I really mean Hilary.. haha love you Hil) over leaving. All I can say to them is that I will miss them more than they'll ever know. And that they are excellent at life and will have a great time at college and it will all be okay.
AAGGGHHHH.
Once more: it will all be okay.
I just realized that I don't even know if I have friends on this anymore. Conversation with myself. Oh, well. Comment if you're out there.