(no subject)
Walking through those hallways today for the first time in so fucking long, I relived what felt like every single moment of my high school career. Obviously, I'm still in high school - only a different one, but my almost two years spent there is something I'd mostly like to forget.
I felt like that fourteen year old girl all over again. I walked past lockers and classrooms, bathrooms and all of the places that I spent my every days. I remembered confrontations and break ups and alienations and times when I might have fit in. I remembered lunch lines, I remembered experiments in class, I remembered the things they used to say. It was like a slideshow of my fucking life, right in front of me. I felt like I was watching a movie. I felt like I was just watching my life happen all over again.
I hadn't been there in so long. It was sortof my plan, too - When I left that school once and for all, I swore to myself that I would never, ever go back there. Until I had to.
My drama class is putting on a play (Voices From the High School), and we're using Bendle's high school "cafetorium" as our stage. Although I dreaded it, I didn't expect it to be half as bad as it was. I walked around in a daze the whole time, barely pulling off my lines and always thinking of something else.
And everything's just gotten worse. I left alone, still consumed with all of the things of the past that I wish I could forget - not to mention the things of the now - and all I can think of to do is go to bed. So, I'm going to bed.