Conflicted

[everpresent]

tonight i have conflict in my heart, and in my soul. I am not sure how to put it though... perhaps it is what has happened to me in my past. For right now, i know that i am sad inside... I have come to accept loss, a lot better then i have in the past... it only took near 6 years or so... But while i am sad, I have met someone who makes me smile a lot already. I had a wonderful conversation tonight.. which made me happy. But as i feel that and begin to think more and more, that while i am allowing some happiness, i know people who are feeling quite a bit of pain right now. So should i allow myself some happiness?... I have a funeral to go to tomorrow, but i am thinking about friday more then tomorrow.... This is perhaps my mind losing out... or my heart beating on me... Knowing and understanding pain... I guess it is a little bit of guilt... i am not sure why... for being ok while i know at least someone i care about is in pain...

So yeah, conflicted....

I find myself needing to accept the good fortune...
*sigh*

~Glenn