The dead ARE weird.
I've hit Lexx season four and the writers have pretty much gone and inhaled an entire room of crack. It's absolutely barking mad in every conceivable way. Crack inhalation aside, the folks at Salter Street Films also seem to have their phasers set to "satire" - anything you can possibly think of gets the piss ripped out of it at some point this season, something I very much approve of.
This is the picspam to end all picspams. It's monstrous. It's full of an almost unholy amount of weird shit, so for those either a) with a nervous disposition, b) with slow connections or c) both, might want to hit abort pretty damn fast. There are also spoilers if you choose to read my bizarre witterings, and not so many if you don't.
We're on Earth for the entirety of this 24-episode long season, but that doesn't mean the consequences of season three's afterlife-exploding climax are just going to go away, oh no.
Xev is temporarily the current captain of the Lexx. It suits her.
Stan isn't happy about this.
Kai is indifferent.
And Prince has been reincarnated on Earth as the head of the ATF (the bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms - I guess it's less predictable than the CIA or the FBI) with the aim of fucking the planet up as much as possible. And he remembers everything that happened on Fire and Water. Which isn't ideal for our crew.
Evil, alien carrot (yes, carrot) drones - the current Big Bad, aside from Prince. So far all they seem to be doing is leaping up the arses of unfortunate people and animals to see how they taste. Pretty nightmarish I'm sure you will agree.
Prince's first genius plan to steal the Lexx involves sending this psychopathic, fingernail-obsessed, Eastern European murderer and his weird friends up onto the ship in a NASA shuttle to kill the crew. This can't possibly go wrong.
Oh bugger.
Doesn't work, though. Xev and Kai see to that.
In the midst of all this, Vietnam "war hero" Reginald J. Priest somehow gets elected president of the USA. Picture George W. Bush. Now picture him ten times more stupid. You've got Priest.
Needless to say, Prince has Priest's balls in his hands. So to speak.
Obviously the crew go down to the planet. Obviously. That's a given.
Stan ends up clamped to a wall.
Kai reads a newspaper. Space Age Shoes!
Xev does some hitch-hiking. But after a run-in with an insane Texan who wants to marry her, and a bloody shoot-out she ends up in prison.
A women's prison where the wardens are only bloody played by Hattie Haydridge and Craig Charles from Red Dwarf! I actually found this intensely distracting, especially as Craig just plays his character as Lister but in charge of a prison.
Stuff like this doesn't help. I'm surprised I haven't had any nightmares yet involving Holly holding a pair of Xev's panties. Ohgod.
Their weird goth daughter Lomia (a reincarnated character from the episode Twilight) becomes obsessed with Xev. Just like in the episode Twilight.
Xev is actually enjoying this.
Don't ask. It involves a covert webcam website and people in S&M gear. I just love the facial expressions and Kai peering around in this one.
At the end of the episode, Lister gets a Carrot up his bum.
We also get a Carrot-infested cat!
Stan has a run-in with a horrible, gun-wielding child who wants to steal the Lexx.
Xev and Kai go sightseeing in front of a green screen.
I won't bore you with the details, but Stan ends up making a deal with Priest to destroy Prince. Rather than destroying Prince, he blows up Orlando. Yes, really.
If Orlando gets obliterated by a penis-shaped dragonfly spaceship you will get a bloody alligator landing on your car.
Xev isn't happy.
Priest tries to blag his way out of this by dressing up as Castro and pretending the Cubans were responsible. Only on Lexx.
"It is the destiny of Cuba to rid the world of the Yankee capitalistos, who always blame Cuba for everything. And so, in one hour we will use one of our Russian warheads from 1961 to blow up the city of Orlando - Florida, America - in one hour. We may blow up other cities after this one, we may not, you never know. Because you are all stupid Yankee pig-dogs. I spit on you!"
Prince shows Priest who's boss by re-enacting JFK's assassination. Errrr...
And things get stranger. How about an episode where Xev gets her own reality TV show called Xevivor? OK!
Nine studly beefcake men competing for a steamy night of passion with Xev!
And one wildcard contestant. Guess who.
It looks good on a resume.
Things are going pretty well, until...
...a Carrot attack turns everyone into murderous, rampaging, three-eyed zombies!
Ignoring a distraction, Kai learns something His Shadow-related might be going on in Transylvania.
But first they're off to Newfoundland...
...where they encounter Father Jack from Father Ted. I practically wet myself with delight.
A reincarnated Bunny goes there, too. To be honest this is all you're going to get of Bunny, I just found her headgear incredibly funny.
There's a plot involving Stan having an identical double. It's not that interesting, to be honest. But here's Stan's double in some fish batter!
This episode is a bit dull, so I kind of envy Xev here. And I don't even drink.
Kai spends the entire episode rocking the house playing his 'Yo Way Yo' song.
"The three stages of Stanley H Tweedle (counts on her fingers) When you're not scared, you're hungry. When you're not hungry, you can only think about sex. When you're not thinking about sex, you're scared."
In Transylvania they meet an unspeakably shit fake Dracula.
And some goth girls who are quite clearly up to no good. The one on the right used to be a CITV presenter when I was a kid, so I found this all a bit traumatising.
For the hundredth time, the dead cannot be seduced!
Xev can, though.
A purely gratuitous shot of Xev taking a bath. Look at that leg!
After this begins an episode almost indescribably epic. Kai meets his match.
But first, the goth girls pose as Kai and Xev to fuck with Stan.
Yeah, they went there.
The goth girls want to revive Vlad. Who she?
A Divine Executioner is who! And like Kai she displays some similarly impressive, gravity-defying hair! She's also entirely responsible for Earth's vampire myths.
"Given the chance, she will quickly set fire to the house of man. If a Divine Assassin is death incarnate, then a Divine Executioner is the apocalypse made flesh." In Kai-speak, shit just got real.
The creation of Vlad via flashback. Disturbing imagery yessss.
Kai: "My killing you will not just be an act of vengeance - it will be an act of necessity."
Vlad: "You're sounding very motivated for a Divine Assassin."
Kai: "As I am dead I do not feel emotions, but having recovered my memories, I understand the difference between good and evil, and I know that I must destroy you. Call that motivation, if you will."
Delicious nightmare fuel.
People on this show are obsessed with Kai.
And there we have it. The first eight episodes. I'm going to cover another batch of episodes later, because this season is just so crack-fueled and brilliant.
Caps courtesy of Angelbacchae's Screen Captures and Michael-McManus.com.
This is the picspam to end all picspams. It's monstrous. It's full of an almost unholy amount of weird shit, so for those either a) with a nervous disposition, b) with slow connections or c) both, might want to hit abort pretty damn fast. There are also spoilers if you choose to read my bizarre witterings, and not so many if you don't.
We're on Earth for the entirety of this 24-episode long season, but that doesn't mean the consequences of season three's afterlife-exploding climax are just going to go away, oh no.
Xev is temporarily the current captain of the Lexx. It suits her.
Stan isn't happy about this.
Kai is indifferent.
And Prince has been reincarnated on Earth as the head of the ATF (the bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms - I guess it's less predictable than the CIA or the FBI) with the aim of fucking the planet up as much as possible. And he remembers everything that happened on Fire and Water. Which isn't ideal for our crew.
Evil, alien carrot (yes, carrot) drones - the current Big Bad, aside from Prince. So far all they seem to be doing is leaping up the arses of unfortunate people and animals to see how they taste. Pretty nightmarish I'm sure you will agree.
Prince's first genius plan to steal the Lexx involves sending this psychopathic, fingernail-obsessed, Eastern European murderer and his weird friends up onto the ship in a NASA shuttle to kill the crew. This can't possibly go wrong.
Oh bugger.
Doesn't work, though. Xev and Kai see to that.
In the midst of all this, Vietnam "war hero" Reginald J. Priest somehow gets elected president of the USA. Picture George W. Bush. Now picture him ten times more stupid. You've got Priest.
Needless to say, Prince has Priest's balls in his hands. So to speak.
Obviously the crew go down to the planet. Obviously. That's a given.
Stan ends up clamped to a wall.
Kai reads a newspaper. Space Age Shoes!
Xev does some hitch-hiking. But after a run-in with an insane Texan who wants to marry her, and a bloody shoot-out she ends up in prison.
A women's prison where the wardens are only bloody played by Hattie Haydridge and Craig Charles from Red Dwarf! I actually found this intensely distracting, especially as Craig just plays his character as Lister but in charge of a prison.
Stuff like this doesn't help. I'm surprised I haven't had any nightmares yet involving Holly holding a pair of Xev's panties. Ohgod.
Their weird goth daughter Lomia (a reincarnated character from the episode Twilight) becomes obsessed with Xev. Just like in the episode Twilight.
Xev is actually enjoying this.
Don't ask. It involves a covert webcam website and people in S&M gear. I just love the facial expressions and Kai peering around in this one.
At the end of the episode, Lister gets a Carrot up his bum.
We also get a Carrot-infested cat!
Stan has a run-in with a horrible, gun-wielding child who wants to steal the Lexx.
Xev and Kai go sightseeing in front of a green screen.
I won't bore you with the details, but Stan ends up making a deal with Priest to destroy Prince. Rather than destroying Prince, he blows up Orlando. Yes, really.
If Orlando gets obliterated by a penis-shaped dragonfly spaceship you will get a bloody alligator landing on your car.
Xev isn't happy.
Priest tries to blag his way out of this by dressing up as Castro and pretending the Cubans were responsible. Only on Lexx.
"It is the destiny of Cuba to rid the world of the Yankee capitalistos, who always blame Cuba for everything. And so, in one hour we will use one of our Russian warheads from 1961 to blow up the city of Orlando - Florida, America - in one hour. We may blow up other cities after this one, we may not, you never know. Because you are all stupid Yankee pig-dogs. I spit on you!"
Prince shows Priest who's boss by re-enacting JFK's assassination. Errrr...
And things get stranger. How about an episode where Xev gets her own reality TV show called Xevivor? OK!
Nine studly beefcake men competing for a steamy night of passion with Xev!
And one wildcard contestant. Guess who.
It looks good on a resume.
Things are going pretty well, until...
...a Carrot attack turns everyone into murderous, rampaging, three-eyed zombies!
Ignoring a distraction, Kai learns something His Shadow-related might be going on in Transylvania.
But first they're off to Newfoundland...
...where they encounter Father Jack from Father Ted. I practically wet myself with delight.
A reincarnated Bunny goes there, too. To be honest this is all you're going to get of Bunny, I just found her headgear incredibly funny.
There's a plot involving Stan having an identical double. It's not that interesting, to be honest. But here's Stan's double in some fish batter!
This episode is a bit dull, so I kind of envy Xev here. And I don't even drink.
Kai spends the entire episode rocking the house playing his 'Yo Way Yo' song.
"The three stages of Stanley H Tweedle (counts on her fingers) When you're not scared, you're hungry. When you're not hungry, you can only think about sex. When you're not thinking about sex, you're scared."
In Transylvania they meet an unspeakably shit fake Dracula.
And some goth girls who are quite clearly up to no good. The one on the right used to be a CITV presenter when I was a kid, so I found this all a bit traumatising.
For the hundredth time, the dead cannot be seduced!
Xev can, though.
A purely gratuitous shot of Xev taking a bath. Look at that leg!
After this begins an episode almost indescribably epic. Kai meets his match.
But first, the goth girls pose as Kai and Xev to fuck with Stan.
Yeah, they went there.
The goth girls want to revive Vlad. Who she?
A Divine Executioner is who! And like Kai she displays some similarly impressive, gravity-defying hair! She's also entirely responsible for Earth's vampire myths.
"Given the chance, she will quickly set fire to the house of man. If a Divine Assassin is death incarnate, then a Divine Executioner is the apocalypse made flesh." In Kai-speak, shit just got real.
The creation of Vlad via flashback. Disturbing imagery yessss.
Kai: "My killing you will not just be an act of vengeance - it will be an act of necessity."
Vlad: "You're sounding very motivated for a Divine Assassin."
Kai: "As I am dead I do not feel emotions, but having recovered my memories, I understand the difference between good and evil, and I know that I must destroy you. Call that motivation, if you will."
Delicious nightmare fuel.
People on this show are obsessed with Kai.
And there we have it. The first eight episodes. I'm going to cover another batch of episodes later, because this season is just so crack-fueled and brilliant.
Caps courtesy of Angelbacchae's Screen Captures and Michael-McManus.com.