Mom: Jemmy, do you want me to send you some ginger?
Me: Ginger? What? No. What am I gonna do with a hunk of ginger? Can you even mail ginger?
Mom: It'll help your cough and then, you can cook with whatever's left over.
Me: Firstly, I never use ginger when I cook. Ever. And secondly, I could just take some cough medicine.
Mom: Jemmy, those medicines ( Read more... )

Christmas 2007. Dan and I exchange presents.

He goes first. He knows what he's getting. He's known for months. If I didn't tell him, he would have picked up The Simpsons Movie the second it came out and laid waste to my gift idea.

Now, it's my turn.

I gingerly tear off wrapping paper and there, staring me in the face in big white letters are the words ( Read more... )

Word of advice -- listening to Not Alone by Augustana will make you cry. Your make-up will get smudged, your eyes will get red-rimmed and puffy and the very concept of looking remotely cute will go flying out of the window.

I was at the post office today and the man behind me was on his cell phone. I overheard him tell someone that his grandmother ( Read more... )

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(After watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

The Boyfriend: Do you think that wizards use spells doing sex?
Me: What, like a summoning spell? Accio Orgasm?
The Boyfriend (while brandishing an imaginary wand): Clitoris!
Me: You know, I never realized just how much that word sounds like a spell....

The love of my life, ladies and gents. And ( Read more... )

In exactly one month, I'll be packing up my stuff and driving off into the sunset...and by sunset, I mean to Philadelphia with Dan.

Ermmm...Whoa.

Can we just focus on this for a second? Two years ago, if you would have told me that I'd be leaving Orlando and moving in with Dan (also known then as 'The Internet Boy'), my jaw would have smashed ( Read more... )

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Today:

Free Spiderman 3 premiere tickets at the new IMAX at Pointe Orlando (Thank you J-School for finally returning on my investment). Earth, Wind and Fire, Augustana and Barry White. A sky white-washed with smoke and heat. Undeclared mini-marathon with The Best Friend. Craving frosty mango margaritas and making tentative plans for Cinco de Mayo (" ( Read more... )

 [While watching an infomercial]

TV: Is your child out of control and impossible to manage?
Papa [shooting me a dirty look]: Yes!
Mom [also looking at me]: What child?

This coming from the woman who once complimented by sister by saying she 'wasn't retarded' and from the man who once said that the past 24 years of his life had been a waste (due to my ( Read more... )