more echoes
i'm going to entertain myself with LJ. and talk to myself. while not knowing where this is going.
it's funny, 'cause this afternoon during lunch, i was thinking how i'm getting bored with LJ. it's like my relationship with it has moved beyond the honeymoon phase. the new-ness and excitement of being a part of an online community has worn off. i no longer get fascinated with reading the different opinions of sooo many people from alllll around the world. i used to think: "wow, people think that too!!! i'm not the only weird one!" and yet, now, i still care about what people think of me. sometimes, i'm afraid of the judgemental somebody out there, waiting to see me fall and criticize me....only to find out later, and often, that that "somebody" is me.
in college, i used to think i've changed a lot since high school. when my h.s friends exchange their stories from their colleges, we would ask each other: "so do you think you've changed?" i would say: "yes. i think i've changed quite a lot."
now, i feel like i'm still the same person from a few years ago. mostly the same. the core is, i think. it's hard to tell. somedays, i'm apathetic. somedays, i'm passionate. somedays, i'm confused. somedays, i feel enlightened. but almost always, i'm a quiet observer, feeling somewhat self-conscious in certain situations and yet not self-conscious enough to conceal my smile and giggles whenever i see or hear something funny.
on st. patrick's day about a month ago, my h.s. friend came to visit NY, and during lunch, he asked me again: "do you think you've changed?" (this seems to be common question in my h.s. group, for some reason). and frankly, i don't know, so I asked him: "well, do you think i've changed?" he might have thought for a second, then said: "no, you still giggle. haha. like you always do." it's easy for me to get lost in a crowd, because i'm quiet and i listen and observe. i think my laughter is what makes people remember that i'm still there.
it's funny, 'cause this afternoon during lunch, i was thinking how i'm getting bored with LJ. it's like my relationship with it has moved beyond the honeymoon phase. the new-ness and excitement of being a part of an online community has worn off. i no longer get fascinated with reading the different opinions of sooo many people from alllll around the world. i used to think: "wow, people think that too!!! i'm not the only weird one!" and yet, now, i still care about what people think of me. sometimes, i'm afraid of the judgemental somebody out there, waiting to see me fall and criticize me....only to find out later, and often, that that "somebody" is me.
in college, i used to think i've changed a lot since high school. when my h.s friends exchange their stories from their colleges, we would ask each other: "so do you think you've changed?" i would say: "yes. i think i've changed quite a lot."
now, i feel like i'm still the same person from a few years ago. mostly the same. the core is, i think. it's hard to tell. somedays, i'm apathetic. somedays, i'm passionate. somedays, i'm confused. somedays, i feel enlightened. but almost always, i'm a quiet observer, feeling somewhat self-conscious in certain situations and yet not self-conscious enough to conceal my smile and giggles whenever i see or hear something funny.
on st. patrick's day about a month ago, my h.s. friend came to visit NY, and during lunch, he asked me again: "do you think you've changed?" (this seems to be common question in my h.s. group, for some reason). and frankly, i don't know, so I asked him: "well, do you think i've changed?" he might have thought for a second, then said: "no, you still giggle. haha. like you always do." it's easy for me to get lost in a crowd, because i'm quiet and i listen and observe. i think my laughter is what makes people remember that i'm still there.