(no subject)
I think devotion to art must be part of the survival instinct, especially from a historicist point of view. I started reading like a junkie again, and also started reading The Temptation to Exist again (I didn't finish it before because I had to give it back to the library, but now I have a better copy than theirs, and that's what they get for taking my money with their fees. Also, why don't they have any works by Julius Evola? It's a big school for chrissake sake. PC faggoes dominating the system, what a pest... [/tangent] Anyway, just reading the intro, I feel like Cioran has saved my life again. Thank you. I will repay you, just you wait. It will be great. The intro was written by Susan Sontag actually, and it's pretty brilliant. For someone who I kinda fucking hate, she's sort of amazing. I've also been acquiring way more music than I can handle, both in digital and physical formats. Also, I want to remember this: this whole past week+, I've been obsessing over this small fragment of music after seing this amazing and most beautiful girl peform it. It was so captivating and fascinating. When I saw her two days later, I wanted to approach her and tell her how great it was, but I couldn't because what the fuck is wrong with me? Some of us are strange, assertive with a certain crowd and with certain subjects, but then we come across a pretty girl, and it is like your nerves will become you and, wait, my balls - they have ceased to exist!?!
Anyway, I hadn't felt genuine joy like that in a long time, and after her performance, everytime I remembered it, I felt a sort of afterglow of joy. Misanthropes feel joy too, you know. But it's over now... Being prone to obsession, it will probably be of some sort of future amusement to keep track of them, just to see what was obesssing me at what point of time. Right now: Cioran, certain of Ligotti's "philosophical horror" stories, Richard Wagner and all of his sublime little ideas (and by little I mean utterly prodigious), and... that's kind of it.
One last thing, I kind of fucked up not sending some papers to my health insurance earlier. I don't have coverage right now, and I've been having some internal bleeding in my wrist joints, from practicing music. I can't fuck up right now, juries are in a month, but I need aggressive practice. Just thinking of that moment, I fear for the safety and cleanliness of the backside of my pants.