Wait For Me (2/3)
Title: Wait For Me (2/3 possibly)
Fandom: Prison Break
Genre: AU/ Angst
Pairing: Michael/ Sara
Rating: PG
Length: 2,715 words
Summary: A lot can happen in four years...
A warning for those who aren't ready to see Sara sad: avoid this chapter of Wait For Me. If you do decide to read on, just know that this chapter is necessary to fully appreciate the final installment I plan to write.
Wiping her hands on a fraying green dishtowel, Sara checks her watch for the second time in five minutes. Michael should be back by now. She wishes she could tell herself that he decided to take a longer walk this morning, perhaps to clear his head because god knows he has a lot weighing on his mind. That just isn't Michael though. He would tell her. He would suggest she come along. Making up her mind, she slips into flip-flops and tucks the bungalow key into her pocket.
Sara hasn't even finished closing the front door before she sees the official looking jeep moving slowly up the beach toward her. Her throat going dry, she waits, silently praying that the jeep will continue on and not stop by the bungalow. As the jeep comes to a stop only ten feet from where she stands, Sara is still telling herself that everything is fine. It has to be. Life is not this cruel.
"Can I help you?"
A man speaks in a heavy Mexican accent, asking if she is Sara Tancredi, and if she knows a Michael Scofield. There's been an emergency. Not the hospital. Local Government Center. Morgue.
At some point Sara feels her legs give out and she sinks to her knees, burning her skin on the boiling sand below and not caring. Not even noticing. After all of this time, and everything that has happened to them, this is how it ends. How their story ends. Sara cradles her stomach and feels a clenching pain so raw that she doesn't think she will survive it. This isn't real. This can't possibly be real.
At some point Sara looks up to realize that the men who had delivered so matter of factly the worst news of her life had left and she is alone. Stumbling to her feet, Sara finds that denial is the only way that she can cope with this. Denial or Morphine, and Morphine will never be an option again because she is now a mother. Sara wracks her brain for possible scenarios. Was he taken? Did someone in the Company come after him? Did the Mexican government arrest him? Did the American government arrest him? Where is he?
With a renewed sense of purpose Sara reenters the kitchen and pulls out the local telephone book. Flipping through the pages she suddenly realizes she has no idea what she is looking for or who she needs to call. Taking a deep breath, she bows her head and attempts to calm her thoughts. Who can help? And then the answer comes to her and for one brief moment Sara feels slightly less alone. Lincoln.
*****4 weeks later*****
"Sara, just think about it." Lincoln leans against the driver side door of his rental jeep and waits patiently for Sara to readjust her sunglasses and slowly climb out of the vehicle. "Staying here for the next five months, alone, waiting-" Lincoln's voice breaks and he pauses for a moment. "waiting to have Michael's child ... well, it's your choice" he finally sighs, gazing out at the endless expanse of Mexican ocean.
Sara follows his gaze and for a long moment neither one speaks. How can she tell Lincoln that leaving the only home that she and Michael ever truly shared feels impossible. And that leaving feels as if she's giving up on him, on them and the dream that they once shared. Sara chooses her words carefully, not wanting to share too much but feeling the need to help Lincoln understand.
"I know we've exhausted all other explanations Lincoln, and that your brother was sick. And he died. And I also know that I have to accept that." Sara's eyes are raw from crying, and yet they threaten to fill up once again. She blinks back her tears and sighs. "I will accept it Lincoln. But right now I just can't. I can't." Lincoln gives Sara an understanding look and that is all it takes for Sara's tears to finally spill over. Placing her hands against the back of the jeep, Sara rests her head on her arms as a muffled sob escapes. Lincoln waits patiently until her back finally stops shaking and the wracking sobs give way to occasional sniffles.
"Here." Lincoln hands her a clean hankerchief and rests his back against the rear of the jeep. "Sara, you and I don't know each other well, but we both loved Michael. And we may never be close friends, but you are going to be the mother of my niece or nephew, and that child is my last link to my brother."
"I'll need to work Lincoln."
"They have hospitals in Panama."
"And your brother..."
"Should be buried in Panama." Lincoln sighs in frustration and his tone is bitter, but Sara knows it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact that they shouldn't be discussing burying Michael at all. "It's where L.J. and I are, and Sucre is there too. And you, if you decide to come."
Sara stares out at the gentle waves and the small fishing boat idling off in the distance. Over the past four weeks Sara's world has been turned upside down, and she has yet to know where she will land. She doesn't believe she will ever feel peace again. How she is feeling no longer matters though. She has a child to care for and that means that she can't afford to live in turmoil forever. She can't afford to give up, no matter how heavy of a weight she is forced to carry. Sucking in a deep mouthful of salty, Mexican air, Sara sighs. "Panama's hospitals had better be good Lincoln, if I have to give birth there."
A mixed expression of grief and gratitude pull at Lincoln's face. He seems to struggle with what to say, and finally meets Sara's gaze and says the simplest words of all. "Thank you."
***** 2 years later*****
"Whoaaa, you're about to take a header there tough guy." Michael Junior squeals with laughter as he tries to evade his uncle's outstretched arms.
"Funny how every time I ask you to watch MJ, I arrive home from work expecting him to be napping only to find you both down by the water." Sara smiles in appreciation at Lincoln.
"Yeah, well, he happens to like the beach. And he has plenty of time to nap when his uncle isn't around to play." Lincoln tousels MJ's hair affectionately, and then picks the toddler up.
"Thanks Lincoln. I don't know what we'd do without you."
Sara's words, spoken many times over the past two years, continue to ring true. At first she simply appreciated having somebody around who connected her to Michael. Then, in the early months of having an infant and post partum hormones, she appreciated having additional hands to help out once in awhile. There were nights when she hadn't slept at all, walking a screaming infant around the house, and feeling so angry and bitter that she quite honestly thought she might put her fist through a wall. And when that happened, almost without fail, Lincoln would somehow seem to know and show up the next day bringing groceries or diapers or even take out coffee. He'd put his feet up and tell Sara to go get some rest and she would go to her bedroom and allow herself to sob until there were no tears left, and then she would finally sleep.
And somehow, since those early months with Michael Jr., Lincoln had grown into a true friend. He is MJ's uncle and Michael's brother, but Sara also likes him for himself. And she thinks that he feels a bit of affection for her as well.
"Sophia wants me to ask you over for dinner on Friday night. LJ is bringing a girl home, and she doesn't think I'm a good judge of character." Lincoln gives Sara an annoyed look, and she laughs out loud.
"Um, I think we're available. I'll call Sophia later and we'll talk about it."
Sara reaches out to take MJ and feels, not for the first time, that it should be Michael standing there inviting her to dinner on the weekend and playing with their son. She realizes now, with some alarm, that the bitterness that used to accompany those thoughts has begun to fade.
Impulsively, she asks "Do you find yourself thinking about him less?"
Lincoln is bending down to pick up sand toys, and he freezes for a moment, before slowly straightening up.
"Maybe. But that's normal."
"Is it?" Sara knows that was the course of grief when she lost her mother, but somehow, with Michael, she expected it to be different.
"Life moves on Sara. It doesn't mean we love him any less."
"Yeah... I suppose so". Taking towels and beach toys from Lincoln's hands, she shifts MJ onto one hip. Gazing at her beautiful son- Michael's gift to her- she realizes that Lincoln is right. She will never love Michael any less. But for the sake of their child, she has to allow grief to follow it's natural progression. Eventually, she has to move on.
*****1 year later*****
"Chicago, really?"
"I think it's time Lincoln. I've given it a lot of thought, and MJ will be ready to start preschool soon-"
"There are preschools here."
"Yes, but you and I both know that MJ's brain is exactly like his fathers. He needs a top notch preschool to challenge him. And besides, I think I want to go back."
Lincoln let's out a long breath, and the shakes his head. "I'll miss him. And you."
Sara smiles and fights off the urge to hug Lincoln. His friendship has meant everything to her over the past three years. However, she needs to know now that she is strong enough to stand on her own two feet.
"You will see him Lincoln. I've inquired at a few hospitals already, and requested that I take a ten month position, leaving me available to bring MJ back here every summer. And of course we'll come back for the week of Michael's birthday every year. We wouldn't miss that celebration. And Christmas." Sara reaches her hand out to patt Lincoln's arm reassuringly. "MJ needs you."
Lincoln looks Sara in the eye for a moment, seemingly unsure of what he's about to say. Never known for tact, he finally says "are you doing this because you want to date and can't here?"
Sara gives him an incredulous look. Does he really think she'd move her son away from his only only familial connection to his father because she wants to date and can't around Lincoln?
"No, and honestly I'm hurt that you would think that."
A glimmer of annoyance passes over Lincoln's face. "I don't get why you'd want to leave... and don't give me that crap about preschool."
"You're right, it's more than preschool. I just need to know that I am still moving on Lincoln. I need to know for my son's sake that I can stand on my own two feet and function in society and maybe even be happy. And as long as I stay here I can't know that. I need to build a life for myself Lincoln... myself and MJ."
Lincoln looks at the ground, and by the hunch of his shoulders Sara can see that he is unhappy. However, when he finally looks up, he wears only a wistful look on his face. "I'll fly out to visit. And LJ is in college out there, and he'll help you with babysitting if you need it."
Sara's eyes fill with tears. She knows how difficult it is going to be on all of them when she and MJ leave, but that is exactly why she's doing it. She needs to develop the strength to live on her own and put this period of her life behind her. It's time.
Without saying anything, she closes the gap between herself and Lincoln, and reaches up to give him a kiss on his cheek. She knows that he will miss MJ, and she feels terrible for causing him more pain. However, he has Sophia and Sucre and their business, and she has yet to find that life for herself. For a long time after Michael's death Sara didn't believe she would ever be truly happy again. She still isn't sure that happiness is in the cards for her... but she's now prepared to find out.
*****1 year later*****
"Michael Junior, don't go near the water without your uncle or another adult. Do you understand?"
MJ looks up at his mother with same blue green eyes of father, and grins. "Can we go swimming now?"
"Not yet... first, we're going to eat. And toast to your daddy."
"Why eat toast for daddy?"
Alex Mahone has been listening to this conversation, and he chuckles. Sara wonders how he can stand to be around a child without thinking of his son. But then again, perhaps that's exactly why he is sitting so close to MJ now.
Sara patiently explains to MJ what a toast is, and goes to find him a plastic cup of juice to toast with. As she's searching, Sucre comes over to hand her the glass of sparkling water with lemon that she had requested.
"Man, papi would have loved this" Sucre says, surveying the scene on the beach in front of him.
Sucre, Mahone, Lincoln,, Michael Jr. and Sara had met at Michael's grave on the morning of his birthday to leave flowers and tokens of rememberence. Sophia had now joined them, and they were spending the afternoon grilling chicken and burgers on the beach in front of Lincoln's home, tossing around a football and, for some of them, sipping cold Mexican beer.
Sara nods at Sucre and then smiles "You know, if he were here he'd likely have to plan everything. You and Lincoln would be lucky to get near that grill and he'd have the entire afternoon's activities already scheduled."
Sucre laughs and says "See, that's why we worked. Because I don't like to plan nothing".
Sara smiles affectionately at him. In spite of her nerves about spending the week here in Panama, seeing Sucre and Alex Mahone again, she is happy she came. She expected to feel sad this week, to be emotional. She hadn't expected the peaceful feeling that she found at Michael's grave.
"God, has it really been four years that he's been gone?" Sara didn't mean to say this out loud, but Lincoln hears and responds anyway.
"So much has changed, huh."
"I suppose... I still miss him though. Always will." Sara waits to feel her her eyes welling up, for the tears that she thinks will come. With surprise, she realizes that the tears aren't there. Today she wants to celebrate Michael and is determined to do just that.
Lincoln bends down to pull a few bottles of beer out of the icy cooler, and then hands them out to the group gathered on the beach. Sara has just started to wonder exactly how he's going to word this toast, considering he's not a man of many words, when she hears MJ's voice say, with a hint of recognition, "daddy".
Assuming that someone had taken out a photograph of Michael, Sara turns to see who is sitting with MJ. At the same time, Lincoln hands the second to last beer in his hands to Sophia, and turns to pick up MJ. As he lifts him into his arms, MJ continues to look down the beach and then starts to point. "Daddy" he repeats, loud and clear.
Sara and Lincoln both follow his gaze down the beach, and suddenly, the world seems to stop spinning. Time stands still and all noise seems to fall silent behind the pounding beat of Sara's heart. She realizes that she can't be seeing what she believes she is seeing, but the image is there anyway.
As the man walking toward them starts to slow his gate, Sara feels the glass in her hand drop to the sand below. Ohhh. Her hand comes up to muffle the gasp that has escaped just as she hears Lincoln's voice ring out with shock.
"Michael?"