such a sour day.
1. i'm so flipping pissed off about my taxes. marlene and vecoma both had me in as a 1099...so they never took taxes out of my checks...therefore i now OWE money...even after they use my tax return to pay whatever it is, i will still owe money. fucking assholes.
2. i feel like i'll never be able to do anything more than what i'm doing right now. i'll never be able to move out, i'll never be able to get a car, i'll never have enough money to do any of the things a grown up should be doing, and i feel like that isn't going to change anytime soon whatsoever. the worst thing is, all of those items are IN MY PLANS. and i hate planning something and it not happening. and when planning becomes useless is when i don't make sense.
3. tony is wonderful, tony is amazing. i miss him and wish i could see him more...i worry every day of the week, but that'll go away soon hopefully. he's quickly becoming someone i want to hold on to, someone i couldn't handle if he walked away. now i've never been much for destiny, and fate and i have had some issues....but i do truly feel that our paths were meant to cross, and interlock. i just don't see how it wasn't meant to happen, or situated just so. he's meeting the family on wednesday, he'll be a huge hit i'm sure of it. and of course, i'll let you know how that goes...it just may be a couple weeks later :)
4. so one of my things on my 101 things to do in 1001 days is to see a mental health professional. i feel like as every day passes and i stress out about planning for things and the future and being prepared...it's important that i pursue that at some point. it's getting to be too much to wrap my brain around and i can't get myself to stop. it's slowly becoming more and more in my nature to plan things out long term, when there's really no need to at the moment, and i cannot stop. i'll catch myself thinking about stuff, stressing out about it, when i have absolutely no control, either currently or at all...so what's my deal? i feel like everything's just imploding on me and i can't escape. i can't think straight, i can't be logical or work problems out in my head....it's starting to become unsettling. it's just one avalanche after another.
5. work is fine. monique was let go....which...............infuriates me. on saturday, a couple of us were up in the front and i just all of a sudden missed her terribly. it hit us too hard and too fast with changes, we're having a hard time adjusting and it feels like we're being watched every minute we're at work. it'll take time, but even then, i don't want to conform. it isn't fair.
6. something i'm irritated at myself about: i've lost writing skills. i was reading oldddd blog entries from my tumultuous college years and i was actually proud of what i had put down....now i'm ashamed, even of this very entry. it's driving me bonkers.
love.
2. i feel like i'll never be able to do anything more than what i'm doing right now. i'll never be able to move out, i'll never be able to get a car, i'll never have enough money to do any of the things a grown up should be doing, and i feel like that isn't going to change anytime soon whatsoever. the worst thing is, all of those items are IN MY PLANS. and i hate planning something and it not happening. and when planning becomes useless is when i don't make sense.
3. tony is wonderful, tony is amazing. i miss him and wish i could see him more...i worry every day of the week, but that'll go away soon hopefully. he's quickly becoming someone i want to hold on to, someone i couldn't handle if he walked away. now i've never been much for destiny, and fate and i have had some issues....but i do truly feel that our paths were meant to cross, and interlock. i just don't see how it wasn't meant to happen, or situated just so. he's meeting the family on wednesday, he'll be a huge hit i'm sure of it. and of course, i'll let you know how that goes...it just may be a couple weeks later :)
4. so one of my things on my 101 things to do in 1001 days is to see a mental health professional. i feel like as every day passes and i stress out about planning for things and the future and being prepared...it's important that i pursue that at some point. it's getting to be too much to wrap my brain around and i can't get myself to stop. it's slowly becoming more and more in my nature to plan things out long term, when there's really no need to at the moment, and i cannot stop. i'll catch myself thinking about stuff, stressing out about it, when i have absolutely no control, either currently or at all...so what's my deal? i feel like everything's just imploding on me and i can't escape. i can't think straight, i can't be logical or work problems out in my head....it's starting to become unsettling. it's just one avalanche after another.
5. work is fine. monique was let go....which...............infuriates me. on saturday, a couple of us were up in the front and i just all of a sudden missed her terribly. it hit us too hard and too fast with changes, we're having a hard time adjusting and it feels like we're being watched every minute we're at work. it'll take time, but even then, i don't want to conform. it isn't fair.
6. something i'm irritated at myself about: i've lost writing skills. i was reading oldddd blog entries from my tumultuous college years and i was actually proud of what i had put down....now i'm ashamed, even of this very entry. it's driving me bonkers.
love.