(no subject)
She looked through the stained window, perhaps for the hundredth time over that morning, and let her tired eyes wander in the rain that had fallen on the yard and the small wooden house for hours now. It was a very early hour, yet she had hardly slept an eyeful over the night, not because of the constant rain and the howling wind in the dark, but because of the anxiety of facing this day that she had dreaded for a long time. For now, however, there was nothing to do but wait…wait and see who would arrive along with the rainstorm.
Then a sound of heavy breathing interrupted her thoughts, as an old and withered man slightly shifted side on a nearby bed, as if trying to make himself more comfortable, but then falling still and silent again. This made her come to his side, check the feeding tube and adjust the blanket to better keep him warm. Then she sat on the bedside and took his hand into hers, saying more to herself than to him ‘’Today is the day pa, today is the day…’’
If the old man had heard her, then his glazed eyes certainly showed no signs of it to let her know.
Some time passed in complete silence, save for the drumming of the rain on the windows, but then she saw a car’s headlights at the end of the driveway, followed by the sound of a dying engine as the visitor parked into the side of the poorly-kept yard, and soon there was the sound of the door opening, the heavy steps through the vestibule, and soon a tall and ragged man was standing in the doorway.
For a while he just stood there, nonchalantly letting the water drip from his clothes and hair, while eyeing her and the old man, as if trying to find the words. Then he stepped inside and nodded, with hint of a smile appearing on his unshaven face.
‘’Hi Kim. Been a while.’’
‘’Six years to a day. How have you been Jamie?’’ she said as she unconsciously returned his dry smile.
‘’Starved, broke and fucked-up. Same as always.’’ he returned with a touch of irony, but then he took up a serious face as he turned his gaze to the old man. ‘’So, when did this happen?’’
‘’A year or two after they took you away. It’s been getting worse ever since.’’
‘’So he won’t be getting better…y’know, ever?’’ he asked as he took up a chair and sat opposite to her.
‘’No, he won’t. The brain damage is permanent, and the doctor said he’ll live for one more year if fortune favours.’’
He let his head droop for a bit, and crossed his hands ‘’I’m sorry.’’’
‘’Are you?’’
‘’Yes…’’ he said as he looked up again ‘’…I had other plans for him.’’
She shook her head ‘’Jamie, don’t. What you’re about to do is wrong,’’
‘’Is it? And who says that? Him?’’ he pointed at the old man.
‘’Look, what he did at his day was not right either, but that doesn’t mean…’’
‘’Maybe not…’’ he interrupted, managing to keep his voice quite calm ‘’…but if he hadn’t done what he did, then there would be no need for all this. He brought this upon himself.’’
‘’Maybe, but that doesn’t mean you’ll have to do it. Please Jamie, think this through one more time.’’
‘’I’ve had enough time to think this through…’’ he locked his gaze into her eyes ‘’…six years behind bars.’’
She couldn’t meet his gaze any longer ‘’Can’t say you didn’t deserve that either.’’
‘’No, I suppose you can’t.’’
Then suddenly the old man coughed and reached out, whispering with a withered voice ‘’Kim…ber..ly?’’
She took his hand ‘’I’m here pa.’’
He sat silent for a while, and then muttered with a mocking voice ‘’I’m here pa…’’
Then he took a serious face ‘’Does the old fart even realize that I’m in the room?’’
‘’Probably not. He realizes very little nowadays.’’
The she turned around, just to see him stand up and fetch a pillow ‘’Jamie, don’t!’’
His voice was as cool as ice ‘’Why not?’’
‘’For heaven’s sake, he’s your father too!’’
‘’Father…’’ that was the first time there was some irritation and anger in his voice ‘’If a father is like him then I’d pick one of those child molesters and wife beaters I’ve sit in jail with over him any day! He was an animal…and still is, deathly sick or not!’’
He took a deep breath and said ‘’And don’t say he didn’t hurt you too…’’, as he gently swept aside her auburn hair, revealing a long scar where an earlobe should have been ‘’…because he did.’’
At that point she found herself at a loss of words. All she could do was simply brush his hand away, and watch as the man she once fondly called his little brother stepped closer to the bed. There was no hesitation in his actions, and no regret nor remorse in his being, for he had had plenty of time to go through this scenario in his head, and this made the situation all the more gruesome. It was difficult, but she forced herself to watch as Jamie squeezed the pillow on the old man’s face.
His breath had fallen silent, and for a while his chest tried to rise and fall to push air in and out of his lungs, but to no avail. With his wiry strength the younger man held the pillow tight against the face of an oldtimer who had almost withered to a corpse, until there was no more movement, and then for a few minutes more, just to be sure. There was no struggling, no spasms, no muffled cries, only the deep silence that took the room after the deed was done, and in that silence Kimberly felt a twinge of guilt over not restraining his brother, but it was mixed with doubt over whether she could have really done anything to stop him, and with a slight and terrifying feeling of ease that rose from the dark corners of her soul.
Then Jamie slowly erected himself and chucked the pillow to a chair where it had lain, as he took one final look of the old man ‘’There. That wasn’t so hard, now was it?’’
‘’No, but it was still wrong.’’
‘’Yes, it was, but still it was better than the alternative.’’
He then took a quick look out of the window, as if to gather his thoughts, and then walked to the door ‘’I guess it’s about time I left now.’’
‘’Are you going to get yourself in trouble again?’’ she said quietly as she looked after him with sullen eyes.
‘’Why not? It’s what I’ve been doing for all my life.’’. An ironic smile lingered on his lips as he went on ‘’Hell…It’s all I’ve been doing for all my life.’’
Then his face returned to it’s stone-cold self ‘’See you later Kim…maybe.’’
And with one opening of the door his steps were gone, and soon a car rolled out of the yard, before disappearing into the gravel road. She didn’t even bother looking after him, but instead took a look at the pale, breathless man on the bed, and then lifted her eyes to look through the window.
The rain had stopped, and the sun was shyly peeking from behind the curtain of clouds. A few raindrops still slowly ran over the glass, and the puddles on the yard cast reflection of the golden light that shone from the horizon. ‘’Maybe…’’’ she thought to herself ‘’…maybe this is not so much of an end, but a beginning of something new.’’
Thought of the day:
''Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.''
- William Shakespeare
Then a sound of heavy breathing interrupted her thoughts, as an old and withered man slightly shifted side on a nearby bed, as if trying to make himself more comfortable, but then falling still and silent again. This made her come to his side, check the feeding tube and adjust the blanket to better keep him warm. Then she sat on the bedside and took his hand into hers, saying more to herself than to him ‘’Today is the day pa, today is the day…’’
If the old man had heard her, then his glazed eyes certainly showed no signs of it to let her know.
Some time passed in complete silence, save for the drumming of the rain on the windows, but then she saw a car’s headlights at the end of the driveway, followed by the sound of a dying engine as the visitor parked into the side of the poorly-kept yard, and soon there was the sound of the door opening, the heavy steps through the vestibule, and soon a tall and ragged man was standing in the doorway.
For a while he just stood there, nonchalantly letting the water drip from his clothes and hair, while eyeing her and the old man, as if trying to find the words. Then he stepped inside and nodded, with hint of a smile appearing on his unshaven face.
‘’Hi Kim. Been a while.’’
‘’Six years to a day. How have you been Jamie?’’ she said as she unconsciously returned his dry smile.
‘’Starved, broke and fucked-up. Same as always.’’ he returned with a touch of irony, but then he took up a serious face as he turned his gaze to the old man. ‘’So, when did this happen?’’
‘’A year or two after they took you away. It’s been getting worse ever since.’’
‘’So he won’t be getting better…y’know, ever?’’ he asked as he took up a chair and sat opposite to her.
‘’No, he won’t. The brain damage is permanent, and the doctor said he’ll live for one more year if fortune favours.’’
He let his head droop for a bit, and crossed his hands ‘’I’m sorry.’’’
‘’Are you?’’
‘’Yes…’’ he said as he looked up again ‘’…I had other plans for him.’’
She shook her head ‘’Jamie, don’t. What you’re about to do is wrong,’’
‘’Is it? And who says that? Him?’’ he pointed at the old man.
‘’Look, what he did at his day was not right either, but that doesn’t mean…’’
‘’Maybe not…’’ he interrupted, managing to keep his voice quite calm ‘’…but if he hadn’t done what he did, then there would be no need for all this. He brought this upon himself.’’
‘’Maybe, but that doesn’t mean you’ll have to do it. Please Jamie, think this through one more time.’’
‘’I’ve had enough time to think this through…’’ he locked his gaze into her eyes ‘’…six years behind bars.’’
She couldn’t meet his gaze any longer ‘’Can’t say you didn’t deserve that either.’’
‘’No, I suppose you can’t.’’
Then suddenly the old man coughed and reached out, whispering with a withered voice ‘’Kim…ber..ly?’’
She took his hand ‘’I’m here pa.’’
He sat silent for a while, and then muttered with a mocking voice ‘’I’m here pa…’’
Then he took a serious face ‘’Does the old fart even realize that I’m in the room?’’
‘’Probably not. He realizes very little nowadays.’’
The she turned around, just to see him stand up and fetch a pillow ‘’Jamie, don’t!’’
His voice was as cool as ice ‘’Why not?’’
‘’For heaven’s sake, he’s your father too!’’
‘’Father…’’ that was the first time there was some irritation and anger in his voice ‘’If a father is like him then I’d pick one of those child molesters and wife beaters I’ve sit in jail with over him any day! He was an animal…and still is, deathly sick or not!’’
He took a deep breath and said ‘’And don’t say he didn’t hurt you too…’’, as he gently swept aside her auburn hair, revealing a long scar where an earlobe should have been ‘’…because he did.’’
At that point she found herself at a loss of words. All she could do was simply brush his hand away, and watch as the man she once fondly called his little brother stepped closer to the bed. There was no hesitation in his actions, and no regret nor remorse in his being, for he had had plenty of time to go through this scenario in his head, and this made the situation all the more gruesome. It was difficult, but she forced herself to watch as Jamie squeezed the pillow on the old man’s face.
His breath had fallen silent, and for a while his chest tried to rise and fall to push air in and out of his lungs, but to no avail. With his wiry strength the younger man held the pillow tight against the face of an oldtimer who had almost withered to a corpse, until there was no more movement, and then for a few minutes more, just to be sure. There was no struggling, no spasms, no muffled cries, only the deep silence that took the room after the deed was done, and in that silence Kimberly felt a twinge of guilt over not restraining his brother, but it was mixed with doubt over whether she could have really done anything to stop him, and with a slight and terrifying feeling of ease that rose from the dark corners of her soul.
Then Jamie slowly erected himself and chucked the pillow to a chair where it had lain, as he took one final look of the old man ‘’There. That wasn’t so hard, now was it?’’
‘’No, but it was still wrong.’’
‘’Yes, it was, but still it was better than the alternative.’’
He then took a quick look out of the window, as if to gather his thoughts, and then walked to the door ‘’I guess it’s about time I left now.’’
‘’Are you going to get yourself in trouble again?’’ she said quietly as she looked after him with sullen eyes.
‘’Why not? It’s what I’ve been doing for all my life.’’. An ironic smile lingered on his lips as he went on ‘’Hell…It’s all I’ve been doing for all my life.’’
Then his face returned to it’s stone-cold self ‘’See you later Kim…maybe.’’
And with one opening of the door his steps were gone, and soon a car rolled out of the yard, before disappearing into the gravel road. She didn’t even bother looking after him, but instead took a look at the pale, breathless man on the bed, and then lifted her eyes to look through the window.
The rain had stopped, and the sun was shyly peeking from behind the curtain of clouds. A few raindrops still slowly ran over the glass, and the puddles on the yard cast reflection of the golden light that shone from the horizon. ‘’Maybe…’’’ she thought to herself ‘’…maybe this is not so much of an end, but a beginning of something new.’’
Thought of the day:
''Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.''
- William Shakespeare