the unattainable one
in ap eng today, prom came up.. and since andy was in my group, i naturally asked if josh was going and if he was going. he wants to go but doesn't have a date.. i'd go with him if i didn't already talk to simon. josh MIGHT be going with JOAN SIM.. so the only two people in high school who have hurt me are going together. this bothers me because somewhere in the back of my mind, i've ALWAYS loved josh, missed him, wanted to be with him and despite the fact that he hates me and is an arrogant prick now, he will ALWAYS be in the back of mind and there will always be awkwardness between us.
he thinks i hate him too and i guess i do, but i'd date him again if i could and know i shouldn't. maybe his appeal has changed and i want him because he's always been unattainable but even when i was with him, i was so happy.. and loved every moment together. joan was one of my closest friends when i was dating chad but yeah, she's a backstabber and said shit about me to lily. on my end, i did the same to her.. called her ditzy and a lot of things so i guess we mutually hated each other and pretended to be friends. i wonder if she knew i did it, but yeah.. karma all the way :(
i'm upset they're going together and i know i couldn't go with josh but somehow i want to fix things with him. there'd be no point cuz there's nothing i can say to fix things and if they were "fixed", there'd just be peace of mind.. i couldn't be friends or date who he is now.. he's too much changed and so am i. blah, maybe i'll IM him after prom and ask if he had fun and try to get something meaningful out of it? that's if he even talks to me.. god i wish i could have closure somehow.
christine help :( lily help :( somebody help!
he thinks i hate him too and i guess i do, but i'd date him again if i could and know i shouldn't. maybe his appeal has changed and i want him because he's always been unattainable but even when i was with him, i was so happy.. and loved every moment together. joan was one of my closest friends when i was dating chad but yeah, she's a backstabber and said shit about me to lily. on my end, i did the same to her.. called her ditzy and a lot of things so i guess we mutually hated each other and pretended to be friends. i wonder if she knew i did it, but yeah.. karma all the way :(
i'm upset they're going together and i know i couldn't go with josh but somehow i want to fix things with him. there'd be no point cuz there's nothing i can say to fix things and if they were "fixed", there'd just be peace of mind.. i couldn't be friends or date who he is now.. he's too much changed and so am i. blah, maybe i'll IM him after prom and ask if he had fun and try to get something meaningful out of it? that's if he even talks to me.. god i wish i could have closure somehow.
christine help :( lily help :( somebody help!