(no subject)
Stupid fucking livejournal.
School starts the day after tomorrow....after weeks of excited and hopeful anticipation, now I don't know how much I want to be back. I can rationalize the situation into being a good one if I give it a few minutes. I can build up some decent eagerness to be back on those art deco carpets, walking through memory after memory as I pass all the otherwise inconsequential places where something awesome or terrible once happened. I can look foward to taking notes and learning and listening to discussions. This doesn't change the fact that my first reaction to the idea of school on wednesday is intense disapointment that the summer is about to end. It's been a good one, calm and happy for the most part, regardless of the fact that I went nowhere, and did almost nothing of interest.
The Agway summer. The car crash summer. The wedding summer....and so on.
Then theres the unfortunate but inescapable fact that part of me dreads the fall semester. Adhereing to a schedule that will keep me moving five days a week eight hours a day or more is an idea thats less than appealing. I'm taking a couple creative risks in mediums I've never approached before, and this time around, I don't feel that there is a social network- table or otherwise- to fall back on as there has been in the past. In the absence of a singular social circle, all thats left is a whole lot of individuals. Many of which I simply don' t like.
Anybody remember when I used to love people? all people? I did. I really really did. When you're naive and desperate it's a lot easier to get along with everyone.
So....
well...I'm trying to think of a few small things to say, just normal little things about my daily life right now and what I'm doing so that if I ever look back on this month in a few years the whole summer won't just be a huge blank spot. But there isn't really anything I want to say. I'll just have to hope that if theres anything really important in this month or the one before it, I'll happen to remember it anyway, written down or no.
School starts the day after tomorrow....after weeks of excited and hopeful anticipation, now I don't know how much I want to be back. I can rationalize the situation into being a good one if I give it a few minutes. I can build up some decent eagerness to be back on those art deco carpets, walking through memory after memory as I pass all the otherwise inconsequential places where something awesome or terrible once happened. I can look foward to taking notes and learning and listening to discussions. This doesn't change the fact that my first reaction to the idea of school on wednesday is intense disapointment that the summer is about to end. It's been a good one, calm and happy for the most part, regardless of the fact that I went nowhere, and did almost nothing of interest.
The Agway summer. The car crash summer. The wedding summer....and so on.
Then theres the unfortunate but inescapable fact that part of me dreads the fall semester. Adhereing to a schedule that will keep me moving five days a week eight hours a day or more is an idea thats less than appealing. I'm taking a couple creative risks in mediums I've never approached before, and this time around, I don't feel that there is a social network- table or otherwise- to fall back on as there has been in the past. In the absence of a singular social circle, all thats left is a whole lot of individuals. Many of which I simply don' t like.
Anybody remember when I used to love people? all people? I did. I really really did. When you're naive and desperate it's a lot easier to get along with everyone.
So....
well...I'm trying to think of a few small things to say, just normal little things about my daily life right now and what I'm doing so that if I ever look back on this month in a few years the whole summer won't just be a huge blank spot. But there isn't really anything I want to say. I'll just have to hope that if theres anything really important in this month or the one before it, I'll happen to remember it anyway, written down or no.