gah
I have to blog.
Dan has a girlfriend in London. Even though he emailed me. Even though he said that he has not experienced anything like our relationship since we ended, and that we connected more than he has with anyone else ever.... he does not think it wise for us to try to get back together at this time. Thus, my dream ends. Splat. Crush. He left it open that he thinks perhaps when he returns to the states it could be something worth trying again. But, that's 2.5 years from now. Am I really still going to be alone in 2.5 years. It's rediculous!!! What are you supossed to do when you've met the guy you're supossed to be with and he's not ready to be with you.
So, I rented this movie tonight. Last Kiss. Which I definitly recommend for 25-30 somethings going through a quarter-life crisis. From the movie:
Everyone I know is having a crisis. I know your not supossed to get them until midlife, but I think something's happened to our metabolism. The world is moving so fast that we start freaking out way before our parents did. We don't ever stop to breathe anymore. Crises come and go
Everything just seems so dischordent. All around me people are married. They get to live this happy life together. And, I'm totally alone. Am I just not a good partner. Will people start falling apart in a few years and I'll feel better because they rushed into things?
What is sad is that no one is willing to take risks on one another anymore. Relationships only seem to happen if it fits conveniently into the peoples' lives. No one goes out of their way for a relationship in our early 20s. 30min drive? Too far. Moving to be near one another, totally out of the question - freak out! Like my friend in Statesville, she's seeing this guy, who apparantly has a girlfriend that he's unhappy with. But, instead of breaking up with his girlfriend he's just seeing her when he can. But since my friend is moving ALL THE WAY to Tennessee in the fall it's not apparantly worth trying to seriously persue anything. He has a very common job - he could work anywhere. If my friend is worth him cheating on his girlfriend, she should be worth moving to Tennessee for.
I'm really thinking the right person doesn't come along that often. I mean, I've been through scores of wrong people. When the right person happens I just think you should go for it. Do whatever it takes.
And then, What is WITH women stealing other womens' men. It's like every woman for herself!! A guy gives off the slightest signal that he's unhapy in a relationship and the women swoop in like vultures! Hell, I did it with Jeff. You rationalize it that you don't really know the girl - who is it to you. They are unhappy anyway - you're just making him happy. But, when the shoe's on the other foot - you will kill both him and the other girl. So, of course I'm always jealous and protective of my men - men are like babies when they are around hot women who try to seduce them. I mean, lets face it - if an attractive girl walks up and offers to sleep with a guy, especially if he's not married, it's hard to turn down to matter how much you love your girlfriend, and even more so if you're drinking. So, how does a woman protect her man, while not seeming clingy? It's a mystery.
Then, there's the chase for men. Gen and I were talking last week - she refuses to call a guy or make a move or show interest. Her opinion is that if he doesn't chase her, he's not man enough for her. But, how many nice guys do you miss out on that way. I'm just more of a go-ger-er. I take what I want. Good things don't just fall in your lap everyday. Fate may put someone in the right room, but then maybe you have to make a little effort. I dunno. Carla was saying that - how can guys seem like they don't know you're interested in them - can they really not know?! I find it hard to believe they can't know. I think they know and act like they don't. But, some really don't know. And, I hate to think that I could miss out on something great because I didn't take the effort and risk to really make sure they know I'm interested. To the point that I think I make a fool of myself sometimes expressing interest, because I'd rather do that, then not know for sure. I think it's hard to make effort without seeming desperate. Where's the line between cool and confident and needy/desperate?
I hate not knowing. Anything. I need closure. I don't feel like Jeff and I have any closure. If you're going to blatently ignore me and not return phone calls or messages - then tell me why - rather than just saying, of course i still want to be friends, we are great friends and I will never let that change. Tell me why it changed!! Tell me you're mad at me because I was talking to Brian when we were still dating. Tell me you're upset and hurt that I broke up with you, and you just can't handle talking to me right now. Tell me you're dating someone new who freaks out when she sees my number on caller id. Tell me something.
And, Carla and I were talking about peaking. We both thing we were much better people when we were late teenagers. Smarter, better riders, more attractive, better all around. We peaked early. So, then what's left - are we just in steady decline for the rest of our lives? God, that's depressing. I feel like I regressed so much at Lehigh. Can I regain my intelligence?
Ok, all blogged out.
Dan has a girlfriend in London. Even though he emailed me. Even though he said that he has not experienced anything like our relationship since we ended, and that we connected more than he has with anyone else ever.... he does not think it wise for us to try to get back together at this time. Thus, my dream ends. Splat. Crush. He left it open that he thinks perhaps when he returns to the states it could be something worth trying again. But, that's 2.5 years from now. Am I really still going to be alone in 2.5 years. It's rediculous!!! What are you supossed to do when you've met the guy you're supossed to be with and he's not ready to be with you.
So, I rented this movie tonight. Last Kiss. Which I definitly recommend for 25-30 somethings going through a quarter-life crisis. From the movie:
Everyone I know is having a crisis. I know your not supossed to get them until midlife, but I think something's happened to our metabolism. The world is moving so fast that we start freaking out way before our parents did. We don't ever stop to breathe anymore. Crises come and go
Everything just seems so dischordent. All around me people are married. They get to live this happy life together. And, I'm totally alone. Am I just not a good partner. Will people start falling apart in a few years and I'll feel better because they rushed into things?
What is sad is that no one is willing to take risks on one another anymore. Relationships only seem to happen if it fits conveniently into the peoples' lives. No one goes out of their way for a relationship in our early 20s. 30min drive? Too far. Moving to be near one another, totally out of the question - freak out! Like my friend in Statesville, she's seeing this guy, who apparantly has a girlfriend that he's unhappy with. But, instead of breaking up with his girlfriend he's just seeing her when he can. But since my friend is moving ALL THE WAY to Tennessee in the fall it's not apparantly worth trying to seriously persue anything. He has a very common job - he could work anywhere. If my friend is worth him cheating on his girlfriend, she should be worth moving to Tennessee for.
I'm really thinking the right person doesn't come along that often. I mean, I've been through scores of wrong people. When the right person happens I just think you should go for it. Do whatever it takes.
And then, What is WITH women stealing other womens' men. It's like every woman for herself!! A guy gives off the slightest signal that he's unhapy in a relationship and the women swoop in like vultures! Hell, I did it with Jeff. You rationalize it that you don't really know the girl - who is it to you. They are unhappy anyway - you're just making him happy. But, when the shoe's on the other foot - you will kill both him and the other girl. So, of course I'm always jealous and protective of my men - men are like babies when they are around hot women who try to seduce them. I mean, lets face it - if an attractive girl walks up and offers to sleep with a guy, especially if he's not married, it's hard to turn down to matter how much you love your girlfriend, and even more so if you're drinking. So, how does a woman protect her man, while not seeming clingy? It's a mystery.
Then, there's the chase for men. Gen and I were talking last week - she refuses to call a guy or make a move or show interest. Her opinion is that if he doesn't chase her, he's not man enough for her. But, how many nice guys do you miss out on that way. I'm just more of a go-ger-er. I take what I want. Good things don't just fall in your lap everyday. Fate may put someone in the right room, but then maybe you have to make a little effort. I dunno. Carla was saying that - how can guys seem like they don't know you're interested in them - can they really not know?! I find it hard to believe they can't know. I think they know and act like they don't. But, some really don't know. And, I hate to think that I could miss out on something great because I didn't take the effort and risk to really make sure they know I'm interested. To the point that I think I make a fool of myself sometimes expressing interest, because I'd rather do that, then not know for sure. I think it's hard to make effort without seeming desperate. Where's the line between cool and confident and needy/desperate?
I hate not knowing. Anything. I need closure. I don't feel like Jeff and I have any closure. If you're going to blatently ignore me and not return phone calls or messages - then tell me why - rather than just saying, of course i still want to be friends, we are great friends and I will never let that change. Tell me why it changed!! Tell me you're mad at me because I was talking to Brian when we were still dating. Tell me you're upset and hurt that I broke up with you, and you just can't handle talking to me right now. Tell me you're dating someone new who freaks out when she sees my number on caller id. Tell me something.
And, Carla and I were talking about peaking. We both thing we were much better people when we were late teenagers. Smarter, better riders, more attractive, better all around. We peaked early. So, then what's left - are we just in steady decline for the rest of our lives? God, that's depressing. I feel like I regressed so much at Lehigh. Can I regain my intelligence?
Ok, all blogged out.