I'm ok.
I think it's safe to venture that I wasn't so ok about a month ago... but right now I am.
A lot of things are changing. My thesis topic is changing completely, but surprisingly NOT my advisor. My church is changing... but it looks like I can keep my lecture recital topic after all. Right now the transition is starting to get tiring, but I know it was needed to get to this place of being ok.
All of a sudden I feel as though some of it is possible...
I'm making the time to spend some time with God in His Word...
And now and then I even make the effort to 'take a Sabbath' and to pretend that I don't have any work for a whole day. Today may not have been the best day to do so, but it took one today, and it feels so good. It's probably the first one that I've had this year where I didn't avoid work because I was crashing completely as a result of the week(s) preceding it.
I went to church, watched some Friends, played piano, baked muffins, read my Bible, journaled, wrote some postcards and letters, and now I'm even getting to write an LJ, brief though it may be. I also practised my horn, but I'm inclined to say that it didn't count as work today as I was practising while enjoying a glass of red wine. (The sweeter stuff, of course, which I'm sure was oh-so-much-nicer for my horn.) The practise felt good, and I dare say went well. Oh yes, and through it all, which ever I wasn't making music myself, I listened to the same song on loop. The same five minute song. On loop. I've never been able to fully explain my occasional urge to do this until today - it's my way of stopping time. If I'm still listening to the same song, not that much time must have passed. And so, an entire Sunday afternoon and evening has been reduced to a mere five minutes.
A lot of things are changing. My thesis topic is changing completely, but surprisingly NOT my advisor. My church is changing... but it looks like I can keep my lecture recital topic after all. Right now the transition is starting to get tiring, but I know it was needed to get to this place of being ok.
All of a sudden I feel as though some of it is possible...
I'm making the time to spend some time with God in His Word...
And now and then I even make the effort to 'take a Sabbath' and to pretend that I don't have any work for a whole day. Today may not have been the best day to do so, but it took one today, and it feels so good. It's probably the first one that I've had this year where I didn't avoid work because I was crashing completely as a result of the week(s) preceding it.
I went to church, watched some Friends, played piano, baked muffins, read my Bible, journaled, wrote some postcards and letters, and now I'm even getting to write an LJ, brief though it may be. I also practised my horn, but I'm inclined to say that it didn't count as work today as I was practising while enjoying a glass of red wine. (The sweeter stuff, of course, which I'm sure was oh-so-much-nicer for my horn.) The practise felt good, and I dare say went well. Oh yes, and through it all, which ever I wasn't making music myself, I listened to the same song on loop. The same five minute song. On loop. I've never been able to fully explain my occasional urge to do this until today - it's my way of stopping time. If I'm still listening to the same song, not that much time must have passed. And so, an entire Sunday afternoon and evening has been reduced to a mere five minutes.