Waiting Your Turn; Or, Why I Chose Brunch Over A Wedding
Waiting Your Turn; Or, Why I Chose Brunch Over A Wedding
On March 21, 2014 my home state of Michigan made history by becoming the 18th state in the nation to legalize same sex marriage when a federal judge struck down the constitutional amendment that had banned such unions for the last decade. We had been waiting, holding our breath, for the decision in this case for two years. When it came down late last Friday with no judicial stay attached, it was like learning to breathe all over again.
We all knew this wasn't the end. It seemed as if the state's Attorney General had filed a motion for a stay and an appeal of the decision before anyone had even finished reading Judge Friedman's written opinion, but for that moment, LGBT people in Michigan could marry. For the first time in our state's history, county clerks could legally give marriage licenses to same sex couples that were committed to spending their lives together. In that instant everything and nothing was changed.
There have always been same sex couples in Michigan and they have always been living together and working together and paying bills together and raising children together and walking the dog together and pledging their never-ending love and loyalty to one another. That didn't change last Friday and that won't change now. What did change was the way that the government must treat and respect these relationships. They are valid and true and equal in the eyes of the law and protected by the United States Constitution. Full stop.
That was what Judge Friedman and other federal judges all over the country have decided over and over again in these last two years. Unfortunately, although the constitution validates the extension of the right to marriage's protections and privileges to Michigan's same sex couples, there are many elected officials in the state that refuse to see that. Twenty four hours after Michigan's marriage amendment was struck down, the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals issued a temporary stay on the decision while it considers the Attorney General's request for a permanent stop to the marriages.
Those twenty four hours allowed for the most amazing show of community that I have ever seen in my state. Four different counties mustered up the staff necessary to open and run their offices for 4 hours on Saturday. Clergy members flocked to these court houses to officiate ceremonies for any couple that needed them. Over three hundred Michigan LGBT couples were married and many more were turned away at the end of the day.
Meanwhile, I sat in a cozy cafe 2 blocks away from where my clerk's office was marrying people as fast as they could.
There are a lot of reasons that I could have justified joining that mass of people hoping against all odds to have the opportunity to legalize my commitment that day. I'm twenty four years old and have been with the love of my life for the last two years. We talk about marriage often and have spent the last year and a half volunteering in Michigan to overturn the ban that has defined the lives of so many people for the last ten years. We are as committed as any couple has ever been and we realized that the opportunity to have that recognized this week would be very short-lived. We also realized that we don't know when we'll have the opportunity again. But that's okay.
While there are a handful of very good reasons that we have come up with together to justify waiting, there is one very big one that drove my personal decision. It's not my turn.
I realize that I am young, and I realize that in the grand scheme of life, so is my relationship. The clerk's office in my home county had announced that they would be able to process approximately 60 wedding licenses on Saturday. There is absolutely nothing that could have convinced me to step into that line in front of people that had been together for decades. People that are old enough to be my grandparents. People who never ever thought they would have this opportunity in their lifetimes.
I celebrated Judge Friedman's decision Friday night with a toast - but not one for myself. I celebrated the future of Michigan and the hundreds of couples that were able to be counted for the first time.