Confusion... and other thoughts...
I might just have to go kill myself now...
After almost three months, I finally saw my sister and nephews. My sister's evidently lost weight and she's wearing both her wedding and engagement rings--which she never seemed to do before. Austin is extremely clingy to her and every time he wandered over to see me, I'd hold him, he'd be fine for a moment and then he'd scream. He used to cling to me and hate when I put him down. Now he can't seem to be far enough away from me. Kyle too... he never said my name, never acknowledged me.
I gave up everything for them and they can't even say hi or not scream and run from me. Since when am I the bad guy? What did I do to deserve this treatment?
What the fuck did I do wrong except try to protect my family and save my life? It's one of those days when I know I'm supposed to be dead. Theoritically, I should be dead right now. He should have killed me back in January and I should be dead right now. My family would still be acting the same way if I was dead or alive. That's the scariest thing--and the police wouldn't have done a goddamn thing. They haven't done anything and I just know inside that it's only a matter of time before he tries to finish what he started--one way or another. Either way, I don't survive. I know too damn much and I'm the one tumbling the house of cards.
It's a scary thing to know exactly how your death is/was supposed to play out...
After almost three months, I finally saw my sister and nephews. My sister's evidently lost weight and she's wearing both her wedding and engagement rings--which she never seemed to do before. Austin is extremely clingy to her and every time he wandered over to see me, I'd hold him, he'd be fine for a moment and then he'd scream. He used to cling to me and hate when I put him down. Now he can't seem to be far enough away from me. Kyle too... he never said my name, never acknowledged me.
I gave up everything for them and they can't even say hi or not scream and run from me. Since when am I the bad guy? What did I do to deserve this treatment?
What the fuck did I do wrong except try to protect my family and save my life? It's one of those days when I know I'm supposed to be dead. Theoritically, I should be dead right now. He should have killed me back in January and I should be dead right now. My family would still be acting the same way if I was dead or alive. That's the scariest thing--and the police wouldn't have done a goddamn thing. They haven't done anything and I just know inside that it's only a matter of time before he tries to finish what he started--one way or another. Either way, I don't survive. I know too damn much and I'm the one tumbling the house of cards.
It's a scary thing to know exactly how your death is/was supposed to play out...