(no subject)
So I realize it's been FOREVER since I've actually written in here about actual physical events of my life. Sooo...let's see...I'll start with Wednesday.
Wednesday (4th of April), I was having a bad day. I could not stop missing Brandon, I could not stop thinking about him. It was actually quite awful. And for every good memory came an even more powerful gust of anger for the shit that we just went through. Chris and I got together that night, he bitched, then I bitched. He really aggrevated me that night...but I still love him. He's one of the greatest friends I have ever had. Chris is going to accompany me to get all the shit with my car straightened out. If I could only tell him how much that means to me, it's not even funny. He's like a brother who's the same age as me, a type of brother I have never had. But yeah, I bitched at him.
Thursday I went over Lisa's. I talked to my Mom about the fact that I miss Brandon. She whipped me into shape, which I knew she would. She took the wonderment out of missing him, told me that I HAVE to work on other aspects of my life now...that I have no choice. She also told me to allow myself to be sad sometimes, that I need to walk through it and feel my way through all this...to really understand all the feelings that came from this situation. Lisa and I watched movies, and talked...she's another dear friend. And I know she appreciates me, it's just- I guess- weird for her to have a true friend. I'm glad I was her first true friend though. I love to see her happy...she's like another type of sibling I've never had.
Friday, after work (I didn't mention that I have work all week...11am- 8pm, so I'm saying this is the stuff I did AFTER work), I went to Scott and Danielle's. I hung out with them, Kyle, Danielle's sister Vanessa, and a girl that Scott and Danielle work with Brittany. Always good times. Spent like $15 that I don't really have to spare on beer. It was worth it, plus I have leftovers...woot! ^_^
Saturday, stayed at their apt. for a lil while, watched "Shaun of the Dead" (soooo funny!) but before that I wrote a massive e-mail to Brandon getting out all my thoughts and feelings of what happened. Probably didn't need to do it, but it was very theraputic and made me feel a ton better!
Then off to Lisa's apt to help decorate cookies with her and her sister. Good times ^_^. Watched some movies and then went to pick up my sister from the movies. Went home (in Freeland), went to sleep.
Sunday, surrounded by family and loved it. Got upset because Brandon actually responded to my e-mail...which I didn't expect. Wrote back something kind of condesending to be spiteful in my own way. Continued on with my life. My Mom really stood by me. She kept getting upset with me because I was saying things I didn't mean, but at least she understand that it wasn't coming from anything genuine in me. Hung out with Chris and Ian after I left that home and came back to my White Marsh home. We rode around and then watched something called "Running from Fear" or something like that. It was awesome...really gory...yet well thought out. Loved it!
Today...today is a good day ^_^. Lisa told me (as I mentioned before), that even though she wanted me to feel like I was in control of being "set up" for the first time...that Ritchey brought me up to Lisa IN FRONT of their friend Doom. He said "Oh Lisa, Clara's personality would be PERFECT for Doom!"...and Lisa agreed. So now Doom knows about me and wants to meet me. Singer in a band, supposably very attractive, doesn't really drink, nice guy. Can't ask for anything else. I'm keeping my options open but also taking anything that has to do with relationship or potential relationships with a grain of salt...he's an athiest (or when he said it he was just joking but in any case), I'm kind of glad so I'm able to distance myself enough to just have a playful laughter and still focus on myself. I'm not gonna lie, I hope something very positive will come of this...but nothing too serious. I guess we'll see. I'm leaving it mostly in God's hands and trusting he will steer me to the right direction.
There's also this other guy...a guy I met through Danielle and Scott. Not that I view him as a potential...but I really think I have a bit of a distant crush on him. They call him Zodiac...his real name is Burton. Good guy. I hope I get to see him again.
There was this other guy that I was talking to pretty regularly, went out a lil bit with. His name is Brian, he's a good guy, but almost too much of someone I may be looking for in "someone I wanna spend the rest of my life with". Not that I really know EXACTLY what that is...but he reminds me of my brother, who is like my best friend...that's dangerous. Plus, he's moving to Colorado, I'm moving to Maui...both of us too logical to even try to make things work. He's a real good guy though, and I wish him all the best.
*Sigh*...and that's about it. I feel very good today (as I said before). I have a lot to look forward to...and most of it has to do with my self-changes.
Tonight, I'm going bowling with Lisa, Ritchey, his friends EB, and Essay (who Lisa also wanted me to meet just for the hell of it- she prefers me with Doom though...so it'll just be nice to meet new people). Should be fun, definitely excited about it.
Love to all! Hope all are doing very well ^_^.
Wednesday (4th of April), I was having a bad day. I could not stop missing Brandon, I could not stop thinking about him. It was actually quite awful. And for every good memory came an even more powerful gust of anger for the shit that we just went through. Chris and I got together that night, he bitched, then I bitched. He really aggrevated me that night...but I still love him. He's one of the greatest friends I have ever had. Chris is going to accompany me to get all the shit with my car straightened out. If I could only tell him how much that means to me, it's not even funny. He's like a brother who's the same age as me, a type of brother I have never had. But yeah, I bitched at him.
Thursday I went over Lisa's. I talked to my Mom about the fact that I miss Brandon. She whipped me into shape, which I knew she would. She took the wonderment out of missing him, told me that I HAVE to work on other aspects of my life now...that I have no choice. She also told me to allow myself to be sad sometimes, that I need to walk through it and feel my way through all this...to really understand all the feelings that came from this situation. Lisa and I watched movies, and talked...she's another dear friend. And I know she appreciates me, it's just- I guess- weird for her to have a true friend. I'm glad I was her first true friend though. I love to see her happy...she's like another type of sibling I've never had.
Friday, after work (I didn't mention that I have work all week...11am- 8pm, so I'm saying this is the stuff I did AFTER work), I went to Scott and Danielle's. I hung out with them, Kyle, Danielle's sister Vanessa, and a girl that Scott and Danielle work with Brittany. Always good times. Spent like $15 that I don't really have to spare on beer. It was worth it, plus I have leftovers...woot! ^_^
Saturday, stayed at their apt. for a lil while, watched "Shaun of the Dead" (soooo funny!) but before that I wrote a massive e-mail to Brandon getting out all my thoughts and feelings of what happened. Probably didn't need to do it, but it was very theraputic and made me feel a ton better!
Then off to Lisa's apt to help decorate cookies with her and her sister. Good times ^_^. Watched some movies and then went to pick up my sister from the movies. Went home (in Freeland), went to sleep.
Sunday, surrounded by family and loved it. Got upset because Brandon actually responded to my e-mail...which I didn't expect. Wrote back something kind of condesending to be spiteful in my own way. Continued on with my life. My Mom really stood by me. She kept getting upset with me because I was saying things I didn't mean, but at least she understand that it wasn't coming from anything genuine in me. Hung out with Chris and Ian after I left that home and came back to my White Marsh home. We rode around and then watched something called "Running from Fear" or something like that. It was awesome...really gory...yet well thought out. Loved it!
Today...today is a good day ^_^. Lisa told me (as I mentioned before), that even though she wanted me to feel like I was in control of being "set up" for the first time...that Ritchey brought me up to Lisa IN FRONT of their friend Doom. He said "Oh Lisa, Clara's personality would be PERFECT for Doom!"...and Lisa agreed. So now Doom knows about me and wants to meet me. Singer in a band, supposably very attractive, doesn't really drink, nice guy. Can't ask for anything else. I'm keeping my options open but also taking anything that has to do with relationship or potential relationships with a grain of salt...he's an athiest (or when he said it he was just joking but in any case), I'm kind of glad so I'm able to distance myself enough to just have a playful laughter and still focus on myself. I'm not gonna lie, I hope something very positive will come of this...but nothing too serious. I guess we'll see. I'm leaving it mostly in God's hands and trusting he will steer me to the right direction.
There's also this other guy...a guy I met through Danielle and Scott. Not that I view him as a potential...but I really think I have a bit of a distant crush on him. They call him Zodiac...his real name is Burton. Good guy. I hope I get to see him again.
There was this other guy that I was talking to pretty regularly, went out a lil bit with. His name is Brian, he's a good guy, but almost too much of someone I may be looking for in "someone I wanna spend the rest of my life with". Not that I really know EXACTLY what that is...but he reminds me of my brother, who is like my best friend...that's dangerous. Plus, he's moving to Colorado, I'm moving to Maui...both of us too logical to even try to make things work. He's a real good guy though, and I wish him all the best.
*Sigh*...and that's about it. I feel very good today (as I said before). I have a lot to look forward to...and most of it has to do with my self-changes.
Tonight, I'm going bowling with Lisa, Ritchey, his friends EB, and Essay (who Lisa also wanted me to meet just for the hell of it- she prefers me with Doom though...so it'll just be nice to meet new people). Should be fun, definitely excited about it.
Love to all! Hope all are doing very well ^_^.