The Switch - Damon/Elena (TVD) - T - (1/1)
Title: The Switch
Author: Evenstar1002
Rating: T
Category: drama, romance
Warnings: It's my first D/E fic. I don't know where this fic came from but it was there and it needed to get out of my head. So here it is. Posted at almost 3am and un-beta-ed. I hope it's not too bad spelling-/gramma-wise.
Spoilers: Mentiones the events of the season finale.
Summary: "Three weeks of torture will have to be enough because you do not know how to stand here another night and not go to her to open yourself up to her for real this time, to kiss her and make her yours."
You are standing in front of her house, hidden in the shadows of an oak tree that is even older than you. You have been standing here every night, for the past three weeks, longing to be inside there with her. It has been three weeks since you opened up to her, three weeks since that kiss. Only that it was not her who you have opened up to, not her who you have kissed. And the knowledge has been killing you for twentyone days and twentyone nights.
While you are standing there in the shadows, looking up at her window, you also look inside yourself. You have been searching for that switch to shut off humanity, to shut off all those emotions that have been cursing through you ever since that one fateful night. But somehow you seem to have trouble finding that switch even though you have been a vampire for 145 years and never had problems with it before.
While you are standing there, you think back to the night three weeks ago, to the night where all of this disaster began. You had come here to thank her for saving you and to thank her for caring for you even though God only knows you did not deserve it. You have killed other human beings without an ounce of regret and you have tried to kill her best friend and still she cared enough to save you. And for that you wanted to thank her. But you did not find her but the one person you thought you wanted more than life itself. And when you came face to face with that one person only moments later you wanted nothing more than to kill her because she hurt her. She hurt her and killed her father and she broke your heart and she never loved you the way you loved her. And the thought that she could have killed her drives you mad still and so with a branch that you turned into a stake while running back to her house upon hearing her desperate cries for help you lunged at that one person's heart because it did not deserve to grace this planet any longer. You also realize that yours probably does not either but in that one moment you do not care because you have to kill her before she hurts anyone else in your town.
While you are standing there under her window, you barely notice the lights going on because inside yourself you are still watching that one night like a movie. You heared her silent sobs from the kitchen, felt her fear, smelled the blood and before your stake reached the bitch's heart your brother was there, holding back your arm and he was still stronger than you expected because there was still some human blood left in him. The bitch used that moment of hesitation to flee. And when you thought it would be you chasing after her it was your brother because you could not move out of shock of the whole situation and furthermore you did not want to leave her. And you could have slapped yourself that night for your vulnerability and weakness because otherwise none of this would have happened. You might still have thanked her, yes, might even have kissed her but your heart would not have pounded like a drum and your mind would not have been clouded with images of a future that could never be and then you would have known it was not her right that second.
You are still standing in front of her house, still hidden in the shadows of that oak tree that is even older than you and after three weeks you finally find that switch to turn off your feelings. Three weeks of torture will have to be enough because you do not know how to stand here another night and not go to her to open yourself up to her for real this time, to kiss her and make her yours. Because you want it be her lips that you feel for the next three weeks, months, years and for the next three eternities. So while you start reaching inside yourself to flip that switch, your hand starts moving as well and it touches your lips of its own accord. A bolt shoots through you and suddendly you realize that there is no going back, that even if you shut down your heart you will still want her lips on yours and you will still want her to care for you and to be your friend, if nothing else, because you realize she is anchored to your soul and to break that chain you would have to kill yourself.
And while you are still standing hidden in the shadows you remember that you are a selfish bastard after all and that you love your undead life way too much so that you could not kill yourself even if you wanted to. Because you are her friend and she would be hurt, no matter what kind of feelings she held for you, and the last thing you want is to hurt her any further. The thought of getting out of town and do some killing crosses your mind for a second then because that is what your old self would have done for sure. But the thought no longer holds any appeal to you so instead you decide to go home and drown your feelings in one of your expensive whiskeys and you just have to believe that it will work because the ache in your heart gets so unbearable right now that you do not know what else to do. But what you do know is that tomorrow at least the aching in your head will be worse than the one in your heart.
Author: Evenstar1002
Rating: T
Category: drama, romance
Warnings: It's my first D/E fic. I don't know where this fic came from but it was there and it needed to get out of my head. So here it is. Posted at almost 3am and un-beta-ed. I hope it's not too bad spelling-/gramma-wise.
Spoilers: Mentiones the events of the season finale.
Summary: "Three weeks of torture will have to be enough because you do not know how to stand here another night and not go to her to open yourself up to her for real this time, to kiss her and make her yours."
You are standing in front of her house, hidden in the shadows of an oak tree that is even older than you. You have been standing here every night, for the past three weeks, longing to be inside there with her. It has been three weeks since you opened up to her, three weeks since that kiss. Only that it was not her who you have opened up to, not her who you have kissed. And the knowledge has been killing you for twentyone days and twentyone nights.
While you are standing there in the shadows, looking up at her window, you also look inside yourself. You have been searching for that switch to shut off humanity, to shut off all those emotions that have been cursing through you ever since that one fateful night. But somehow you seem to have trouble finding that switch even though you have been a vampire for 145 years and never had problems with it before.
While you are standing there, you think back to the night three weeks ago, to the night where all of this disaster began. You had come here to thank her for saving you and to thank her for caring for you even though God only knows you did not deserve it. You have killed other human beings without an ounce of regret and you have tried to kill her best friend and still she cared enough to save you. And for that you wanted to thank her. But you did not find her but the one person you thought you wanted more than life itself. And when you came face to face with that one person only moments later you wanted nothing more than to kill her because she hurt her. She hurt her and killed her father and she broke your heart and she never loved you the way you loved her. And the thought that she could have killed her drives you mad still and so with a branch that you turned into a stake while running back to her house upon hearing her desperate cries for help you lunged at that one person's heart because it did not deserve to grace this planet any longer. You also realize that yours probably does not either but in that one moment you do not care because you have to kill her before she hurts anyone else in your town.
While you are standing there under her window, you barely notice the lights going on because inside yourself you are still watching that one night like a movie. You heared her silent sobs from the kitchen, felt her fear, smelled the blood and before your stake reached the bitch's heart your brother was there, holding back your arm and he was still stronger than you expected because there was still some human blood left in him. The bitch used that moment of hesitation to flee. And when you thought it would be you chasing after her it was your brother because you could not move out of shock of the whole situation and furthermore you did not want to leave her. And you could have slapped yourself that night for your vulnerability and weakness because otherwise none of this would have happened. You might still have thanked her, yes, might even have kissed her but your heart would not have pounded like a drum and your mind would not have been clouded with images of a future that could never be and then you would have known it was not her right that second.
You are still standing in front of her house, still hidden in the shadows of that oak tree that is even older than you and after three weeks you finally find that switch to turn off your feelings. Three weeks of torture will have to be enough because you do not know how to stand here another night and not go to her to open yourself up to her for real this time, to kiss her and make her yours. Because you want it be her lips that you feel for the next three weeks, months, years and for the next three eternities. So while you start reaching inside yourself to flip that switch, your hand starts moving as well and it touches your lips of its own accord. A bolt shoots through you and suddendly you realize that there is no going back, that even if you shut down your heart you will still want her lips on yours and you will still want her to care for you and to be your friend, if nothing else, because you realize she is anchored to your soul and to break that chain you would have to kill yourself.
And while you are still standing hidden in the shadows you remember that you are a selfish bastard after all and that you love your undead life way too much so that you could not kill yourself even if you wanted to. Because you are her friend and she would be hurt, no matter what kind of feelings she held for you, and the last thing you want is to hurt her any further. The thought of getting out of town and do some killing crosses your mind for a second then because that is what your old self would have done for sure. But the thought no longer holds any appeal to you so instead you decide to go home and drown your feelings in one of your expensive whiskeys and you just have to believe that it will work because the ache in your heart gets so unbearable right now that you do not know what else to do. But what you do know is that tomorrow at least the aching in your head will be worse than the one in your heart.