what happens when Joni gets sleepless...
Ugh, I can't sleep. Luke's curled up cosily in bed, and I wish I were still there with him, but I kept rolling around and thinking about things. I kind of wanted to grab my handwritten journal, but that involved rummaging around in stuff in the bedroom--it was just easier to grab the laptop. Oh, laptop, how I love thee!
A few things were rolling around my head tonight. It started with thinking about making cards, and who I should send them to--Donna, of course, with the new baby and all. (At least I assume... man I hope labour hasn't taken this long!) It's been ten years since she and I first met at Realms this September. That means it's been ten years since I started RPing, met Taryn and Meri and so many others, and I'm the same age that Donna was when we met. (Me having been twelve, heh heh.) In ten years, she's finished grad school, gotten married, become the director of her house, and now, a baby! Amazing. I've finished high school, am practically done university, and am about to embark around the globe, again. So, so much has happened. And where will we all be in the next ten years? Will I have a brand new baby, a husband, a house, and a career? Maybe. Truth be told, I'm not all that worried about the distant future--those things pan out as they're supposed to. I'm more concerned with the upcoming few months.
Like... Kimmiq. My dear, sweet, beloved puppy, who's twelve and a half and still holding in. When I step on that plane to go to Australa on October 11th, I'll be saying goodbye to him for good. That is, if he makes it that long--twelve and a half is old for a black labrador. Even just thinking about it makes my throat clench and tears run. I almost wish I could have a nice long cry about it, actually, but that would wake Luke up and I'm really going to be just fine. But when I think about what Kim and I have done together, and to think about him being gone, how can I not tear up? I remember the first time I saw him, the first time he swam, how his fur shines in the sun, how I made him sleep with me the first night we moved back to Revelstoke because--well, I wasn't scared per se, but I really wanted some company. How every single night I came home from being out somewhere, I'd say goodnight to him downstairs. There are a million and one things I could share, really... I guess I don't have to share them all tonight, or else Luke will wake up to me being a puddle of tears. I just wonder--when will it be goodbye for good?
Okay. Well. After getting that out, everything else seems to be small beans. I'm leaving behind so many people--except that it's not for good, we'll stay in touch and there'll be visits. I'm leaving behind stuff, so many little things that have so many little memories attached. But it's just stuff, right? Why is it that I lay awake in bed at night and contemplate how sad it is that I can't bring my stuff with me? I know I'm on the sentimental side... but oy vey, I wonder why I do it to myself.
I'm also leaving behind places. (Person, place, or thing? Mm, nouns.) To tell the truth, if I could be anywhere right now, it would be sitting on the dock at the cabin, throwing a stick for Kimmiq (ideally, he'd be sitting on the dock with me, but there's no way that'd actually happen, with water and sticks nearby), watching the sun set, with a fire crackling in the background, loons calling faintly in the distance. I can see it all so vividly in my mind. I truly did not appreciate what that cabin had to offer; and now, it's sold, and that moment of peace and solitude which I seem to crave will never happen. It will, in some other way, but never like that again. What an idiot of a teenager I was to resent being there so much.
So what's with me tonight? Or rather, recently... I really need to find different things to think about as I fall asleep, because I keep coming back to things like this, and it's just not good to think about at 1 am. Or 2 am, as it is now. I sometimes think about the apartment we get to inhabit in Australia (you know, the new persons, places, and things), or about scrapbooking, or graduation plans, or upcoming events and stuff. I plan as I fall asleep, and it just doesn't make for a calm mind. Any suggestions for nice, calming, comforting topics to fall asleep to?
In other news, Deanne and Luke are both taking off next week to Amsterdam and Sydney respectively--Deanne to visit Darryl for a few weeks, Luke for his brother's wedding. I'm hoping to go back to Revelstoke for a few days during that time for a little R&R with the parents. Something in me needs some family time, and some mountain time. And if I can wrangle it, some lake-and-sunset time, too. :) Of course, this is all balanced by the fact that I really, really need to get a part time job--right now, I'm living off the $800 that my parents are sending me a month (over half of which goes to rent), and as frugal as I like to think I can be, that's simply not going to result in good credit card management on my end. But a job? Boo. God, I'm such a spoiled brat--how many thousands of students have worked full time while in school, and I'm grumbling about something that might be barely part time? Sheesh. But still. Grumble.
I need to sleep. There's an essay to write tomorrow. (Joy of joys.) G'night, folks... <3
A few things were rolling around my head tonight. It started with thinking about making cards, and who I should send them to--Donna, of course, with the new baby and all. (At least I assume... man I hope labour hasn't taken this long!) It's been ten years since she and I first met at Realms this September. That means it's been ten years since I started RPing, met Taryn and Meri and so many others, and I'm the same age that Donna was when we met. (Me having been twelve, heh heh.) In ten years, she's finished grad school, gotten married, become the director of her house, and now, a baby! Amazing. I've finished high school, am practically done university, and am about to embark around the globe, again. So, so much has happened. And where will we all be in the next ten years? Will I have a brand new baby, a husband, a house, and a career? Maybe. Truth be told, I'm not all that worried about the distant future--those things pan out as they're supposed to. I'm more concerned with the upcoming few months.
Like... Kimmiq. My dear, sweet, beloved puppy, who's twelve and a half and still holding in. When I step on that plane to go to Australa on October 11th, I'll be saying goodbye to him for good. That is, if he makes it that long--twelve and a half is old for a black labrador. Even just thinking about it makes my throat clench and tears run. I almost wish I could have a nice long cry about it, actually, but that would wake Luke up and I'm really going to be just fine. But when I think about what Kim and I have done together, and to think about him being gone, how can I not tear up? I remember the first time I saw him, the first time he swam, how his fur shines in the sun, how I made him sleep with me the first night we moved back to Revelstoke because--well, I wasn't scared per se, but I really wanted some company. How every single night I came home from being out somewhere, I'd say goodnight to him downstairs. There are a million and one things I could share, really... I guess I don't have to share them all tonight, or else Luke will wake up to me being a puddle of tears. I just wonder--when will it be goodbye for good?
Okay. Well. After getting that out, everything else seems to be small beans. I'm leaving behind so many people--except that it's not for good, we'll stay in touch and there'll be visits. I'm leaving behind stuff, so many little things that have so many little memories attached. But it's just stuff, right? Why is it that I lay awake in bed at night and contemplate how sad it is that I can't bring my stuff with me? I know I'm on the sentimental side... but oy vey, I wonder why I do it to myself.
I'm also leaving behind places. (Person, place, or thing? Mm, nouns.) To tell the truth, if I could be anywhere right now, it would be sitting on the dock at the cabin, throwing a stick for Kimmiq (ideally, he'd be sitting on the dock with me, but there's no way that'd actually happen, with water and sticks nearby), watching the sun set, with a fire crackling in the background, loons calling faintly in the distance. I can see it all so vividly in my mind. I truly did not appreciate what that cabin had to offer; and now, it's sold, and that moment of peace and solitude which I seem to crave will never happen. It will, in some other way, but never like that again. What an idiot of a teenager I was to resent being there so much.
So what's with me tonight? Or rather, recently... I really need to find different things to think about as I fall asleep, because I keep coming back to things like this, and it's just not good to think about at 1 am. Or 2 am, as it is now. I sometimes think about the apartment we get to inhabit in Australia (you know, the new persons, places, and things), or about scrapbooking, or graduation plans, or upcoming events and stuff. I plan as I fall asleep, and it just doesn't make for a calm mind. Any suggestions for nice, calming, comforting topics to fall asleep to?
In other news, Deanne and Luke are both taking off next week to Amsterdam and Sydney respectively--Deanne to visit Darryl for a few weeks, Luke for his brother's wedding. I'm hoping to go back to Revelstoke for a few days during that time for a little R&R with the parents. Something in me needs some family time, and some mountain time. And if I can wrangle it, some lake-and-sunset time, too. :) Of course, this is all balanced by the fact that I really, really need to get a part time job--right now, I'm living off the $800 that my parents are sending me a month (over half of which goes to rent), and as frugal as I like to think I can be, that's simply not going to result in good credit card management on my end. But a job? Boo. God, I'm such a spoiled brat--how many thousands of students have worked full time while in school, and I'm grumbling about something that might be barely part time? Sheesh. But still. Grumble.
I need to sleep. There's an essay to write tomorrow. (Joy of joys.) G'night, folks... <3