(no subject)
i honestly cannot differentiate my days anymore from all the drugs and alcohol. i forget everything. it's the xanax which i don't even really like. pain killers are harder to find but they're my favorite. so i settle because even if i don't really like how those pills make me feel, they make me feel different than when i'm sober and that's all i want. just a break.
my mother wants to divorce my father but for some reason he's still living here and we all walk around the house in silence when we all know we should be throwing dishes at each other or crying our eyes out. it's so awkward so i'm home almost never. my dad thinks i hate him. there are no tears in me these days. i feel emotionally numb for the first time in my life.
i snitched on my own father. for good reason but still. the guilt.
it's killing me.
someone stole 200 dollars from me.
or i lost it. i guess that's possible.
but i've been hanging around with shady people.
but that's what i mean. i couldn't even remember who i was with the other night or where.
not even the other night. for the past month. i have to find out from other people what i do. it's never been this bad before.
but i don't care. i don't care about what i'm doing to my body. let it die.
get me the fuck out of this.
my mother wants to divorce my father but for some reason he's still living here and we all walk around the house in silence when we all know we should be throwing dishes at each other or crying our eyes out. it's so awkward so i'm home almost never. my dad thinks i hate him. there are no tears in me these days. i feel emotionally numb for the first time in my life.
i snitched on my own father. for good reason but still. the guilt.
it's killing me.
someone stole 200 dollars from me.
or i lost it. i guess that's possible.
but i've been hanging around with shady people.
but that's what i mean. i couldn't even remember who i was with the other night or where.
not even the other night. for the past month. i have to find out from other people what i do. it's never been this bad before.
but i don't care. i don't care about what i'm doing to my body. let it die.
get me the fuck out of this.