Between the Lines: Chapter 4
Title: Between the Lines
Author: isisizabel
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing(s): Nate/Jenny, Chuck/Blair, Nate/Serena (briefly)
Rating: R
Author's Note: Alternate ending to episode 3.16, The Empire Strikes Jack. Rated R for date rape and language. Later chapters NC-17.
Chapter 4
She was going crazy.
Jenny hesitated at the top of the stairs, straining to hear an invisible noise from downstairs. Her fingers curled tighter around the railing, her knuckles going white. After several heavy seconds she exhaled hard, her shoulders sagging.
She was so jumpy these days.
Jenny was turning to leave when she heard the noise again, this time louder and more definitive. It was coming from the kitchen.
Whirling, her long blonde hair flying about her face, she gasped and then swallowed hard. Her stomach knotted and twisted. Her mouth went dry.
“Dad?” she tried, her voice barely coming out louder than a whisper. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she cleared her throat and tried again.
“Dad?”
Another noise and then footsteps were coming towards the stairs. Jenny poised herself to turn and run, knowing her father would have answered back had it been him. Someone was in the house. Someone who was not her father, and he was the only one who could have been home by now. Lily had a meeting with the board and Eric was at a movie with Serena.
Her heart hammered against her ribcage painfully and she started to get dizzy when a familiar dark head appeared.
“Hey, Jenny,” Nate greeted with an easy grin that showcased his dimples. “I didn’t think anyone was home.”
Relief surged through her body, crushing her under its weight. Unable to stop herself, her legs gave out as though made of rubber, and she sank onto the top step, gasping.
It’s just Nate, she assured herself, trying to quell the panic attack that was threatening to overtake her any second. Swallowing a sob, Jenny pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. She could hear Nate moving up the stairs towards her.
“Whoa, hey,” he said as he stopped two feet below her. “Did I scare you?”
She nodded mutely, not trusting herself to use her voice.
“I’m so sorry,” he apologized, his tone sincere. “I let Serena borrow a book and she left it here… I didn’t think anyone would be home.”
Jenny finally moved her hands to her lap, praying he didn’t notice the way they were shaking.
But he was Nate, so of course he did.
He reached out slowly, eyes wide as he took one of her hands in his. “Jesus,” he whispered. His eyes moved to her face. “Jenny, I didn’t mean to scare you-”
She gasped out a nervous laugh. “It’s … It’s fine. I’m a little jumpy, I guess.” She tugged her hand out of his and dropped it into her lap.
“What are you even doing home? I thought you were heading to the Hamptons with Lily and Rufus,” he said slowly, leaning against the wall.
Because every time someone touches me on the streets I feel like screaming, she answered in her head.
“Touch of the flu,” she said weakly, knowing it was a believable lie. Lily had certainly fallen for it earlier. No makeup, dark circles under her eyes, limp hair and baggy sweats were all the convincing Lily needed.
“Are you contagious?” Nate teased, his eyes smiling.
“Maybe,” she said softly, glancing away as she thought of all the tests the women’s clinic in Brooklyn had run earlier in the week when she finally dredged up enough courage to walk through the doors and see a doctor. Thankfully, mercifully, the pregnancy test had come back negative. The doctor assured her she could be late due to stress, and Jenny realized that was the case when she got her period earlier that week.
Nate nudged her knee with his and sat down on the step beside her. He leaned briefly against her shoulder and smiled. “That’s OK. I like Jenny-germs.”
She glanced at him, wishing like hell she could match his smile but she just couldn’t find the power to do it.
He never faltered. “I feel like we haven’t talked in ages. How have you been?”
“I’m OK,” she said carefully. She chewed absently on a thumbnail, not noticing she had already torn the nail down to the quick.
“Jenny,” he started, blowing out a hard breath, “we’re friends, right?”
She nodded slowly, an icy ball of dread curling deep in her stomach. She instinctively leaned away from him, resting her head on the opposite wall.
“I get the feeling that something’s wrong,” he said softly. “If there’s anything I can do to help-”
“There isn’t,” she said sharply, her voice brittle. “I’m OK.”
“No offense, but you’re not,” he said bluntly, his words softened by his kind tone. “This isn’t the Jenny I know. The Jenny we all love.”
She laughed, the sound foreign, fake and hollow to her own ears. “Oh, no? And tell me, Nate, what was so great about that girl?”
His eyes widened noticeably. “Jenny, I didn’t mean-”
“Maybe I just finally grew up,” Jenny snapped, anger swelling up in her suddenly. Her fingers curled into fists as her eyes narrowed. “Maybe I realized that none of this matters.”
Nate swallowed. “Jen-”
“Not Constance, or being a designer, or having the best fucking Prada bag in the building,” she hissed, getting to her feet. She stared down at him, her eyes hard. “None of it matters. Not one goddamn thing, Nate.”
He got to his feet just as fast, reaching out to touch her shoulder. He froze when she flinched away from his touch. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said softly.
Shivering inside, Jenny crossed her arms across her chest and took a few steps back. All the fight and the fire that had churned up suddenly dissipated just as fast, leaving her feeling raw and exposed.
“Just leave me alone,” she said finally, shaking her head. “Just go, Nate.”
He frowned, confused. “I’m not leaving you like this. Something is wrong, Jenny. Let me help you out.”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” she said after a long pause. “You can’t help me. You can’t fix this.” She edged back further, craving the sanctuary of her own bed. She wanted to sleep, and silently cursed herself for even getting out of bed today. She turned to start for her room.
“What happened the night of Eleanor’s party?”
Jenny froze, his eyes sliding shut. “What?” she managed to choke out after a second. She looked back over her shoulder at him, letting her long hair fall across her face so he couldn’t really see her.
Nate took a single step towards her. “This all started the night of Eleanor’s party. The night I saw you get in that cab with Agnes and those other girls. You called me, but by the time I got to the club you were gone.”
Jenny’s stomach cramped suddenly, like she had been sucker-punched. So much of that night was just fragmented memories, but now she could remember she had called Nate. She remembered the scratchy cushion of the couch she had collapsed on. She could remember him saying he was coming.
How close had she been to being saved? A minute? Ten? An hour?
“Jenny, what happened after you left the club?” Nate pressed softly, standing right in front of her now.
She blinked, startled. She hadn’t noticed him coming towards her. Looking into his blue eyes, she could feel her resolve crumbling as tears stung the backs of her eyes.
“I don’t remember,” Jenny said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.
“You don’t remember?” He frowned, cocking his head to one side. “How much did you drink.”
“One drink,” she replied. “Just one. Agnes gave it to me at Eleanor’s.”
“How can you not remember if you only had one…” He trailed off and his eyes went wide. “Did she … Did Agnes put something in your drink?”
She couldn’t make herself say the word, and she couldn’t force her head to nod. She was frozen, trapped in the moment. She could only stare into his eyes, silently pleading with him to put the pieces together so she didn’t have to. It was a jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces. There were still so many holes, how could she ever begin to explain them all?
“What happened?” His voice went hoarse, expecting the worst. “You can tell me, Jenny.”
She opened her mouth, but the words stuck to her throat. “Nate, I-”
A cabinet door downstairs slammed shut with a loud bang, the sound echoing off all the walls and vibrating up the hallway.
“Nate? Are you still here?” Serena called from the bottom of the steps.
His eyes swung from the landing to Jenny, knowing they only had seconds before Serena came looking.
Jenny squared her shoulders and lifted her chin a notch. “Go on, Nate.”
“But-”
Jenny was already halfway in her room. Her fingers curled around the wood frame of the doorway as her paused, not looking back at him. “I told you before: there’s nothing you can fix.”
Her door shut and Nate flinched back.
“Nate!” Serena called more insistently now.
“I’m coming,” he answered back, his eyes still on Jenny’s closed door.
Author: isisizabel
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing(s): Nate/Jenny, Chuck/Blair, Nate/Serena (briefly)
Rating: R
Author's Note: Alternate ending to episode 3.16, The Empire Strikes Jack. Rated R for date rape and language. Later chapters NC-17.
Chapter 4
She was going crazy.
Jenny hesitated at the top of the stairs, straining to hear an invisible noise from downstairs. Her fingers curled tighter around the railing, her knuckles going white. After several heavy seconds she exhaled hard, her shoulders sagging.
She was so jumpy these days.
Jenny was turning to leave when she heard the noise again, this time louder and more definitive. It was coming from the kitchen.
Whirling, her long blonde hair flying about her face, she gasped and then swallowed hard. Her stomach knotted and twisted. Her mouth went dry.
“Dad?” she tried, her voice barely coming out louder than a whisper. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she cleared her throat and tried again.
“Dad?”
Another noise and then footsteps were coming towards the stairs. Jenny poised herself to turn and run, knowing her father would have answered back had it been him. Someone was in the house. Someone who was not her father, and he was the only one who could have been home by now. Lily had a meeting with the board and Eric was at a movie with Serena.
Her heart hammered against her ribcage painfully and she started to get dizzy when a familiar dark head appeared.
“Hey, Jenny,” Nate greeted with an easy grin that showcased his dimples. “I didn’t think anyone was home.”
Relief surged through her body, crushing her under its weight. Unable to stop herself, her legs gave out as though made of rubber, and she sank onto the top step, gasping.
It’s just Nate, she assured herself, trying to quell the panic attack that was threatening to overtake her any second. Swallowing a sob, Jenny pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. She could hear Nate moving up the stairs towards her.
“Whoa, hey,” he said as he stopped two feet below her. “Did I scare you?”
She nodded mutely, not trusting herself to use her voice.
“I’m so sorry,” he apologized, his tone sincere. “I let Serena borrow a book and she left it here… I didn’t think anyone would be home.”
Jenny finally moved her hands to her lap, praying he didn’t notice the way they were shaking.
But he was Nate, so of course he did.
He reached out slowly, eyes wide as he took one of her hands in his. “Jesus,” he whispered. His eyes moved to her face. “Jenny, I didn’t mean to scare you-”
She gasped out a nervous laugh. “It’s … It’s fine. I’m a little jumpy, I guess.” She tugged her hand out of his and dropped it into her lap.
“What are you even doing home? I thought you were heading to the Hamptons with Lily and Rufus,” he said slowly, leaning against the wall.
Because every time someone touches me on the streets I feel like screaming, she answered in her head.
“Touch of the flu,” she said weakly, knowing it was a believable lie. Lily had certainly fallen for it earlier. No makeup, dark circles under her eyes, limp hair and baggy sweats were all the convincing Lily needed.
“Are you contagious?” Nate teased, his eyes smiling.
“Maybe,” she said softly, glancing away as she thought of all the tests the women’s clinic in Brooklyn had run earlier in the week when she finally dredged up enough courage to walk through the doors and see a doctor. Thankfully, mercifully, the pregnancy test had come back negative. The doctor assured her she could be late due to stress, and Jenny realized that was the case when she got her period earlier that week.
Nate nudged her knee with his and sat down on the step beside her. He leaned briefly against her shoulder and smiled. “That’s OK. I like Jenny-germs.”
She glanced at him, wishing like hell she could match his smile but she just couldn’t find the power to do it.
He never faltered. “I feel like we haven’t talked in ages. How have you been?”
“I’m OK,” she said carefully. She chewed absently on a thumbnail, not noticing she had already torn the nail down to the quick.
“Jenny,” he started, blowing out a hard breath, “we’re friends, right?”
She nodded slowly, an icy ball of dread curling deep in her stomach. She instinctively leaned away from him, resting her head on the opposite wall.
“I get the feeling that something’s wrong,” he said softly. “If there’s anything I can do to help-”
“There isn’t,” she said sharply, her voice brittle. “I’m OK.”
“No offense, but you’re not,” he said bluntly, his words softened by his kind tone. “This isn’t the Jenny I know. The Jenny we all love.”
She laughed, the sound foreign, fake and hollow to her own ears. “Oh, no? And tell me, Nate, what was so great about that girl?”
His eyes widened noticeably. “Jenny, I didn’t mean-”
“Maybe I just finally grew up,” Jenny snapped, anger swelling up in her suddenly. Her fingers curled into fists as her eyes narrowed. “Maybe I realized that none of this matters.”
Nate swallowed. “Jen-”
“Not Constance, or being a designer, or having the best fucking Prada bag in the building,” she hissed, getting to her feet. She stared down at him, her eyes hard. “None of it matters. Not one goddamn thing, Nate.”
He got to his feet just as fast, reaching out to touch her shoulder. He froze when she flinched away from his touch. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said softly.
Shivering inside, Jenny crossed her arms across her chest and took a few steps back. All the fight and the fire that had churned up suddenly dissipated just as fast, leaving her feeling raw and exposed.
“Just leave me alone,” she said finally, shaking her head. “Just go, Nate.”
He frowned, confused. “I’m not leaving you like this. Something is wrong, Jenny. Let me help you out.”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” she said after a long pause. “You can’t help me. You can’t fix this.” She edged back further, craving the sanctuary of her own bed. She wanted to sleep, and silently cursed herself for even getting out of bed today. She turned to start for her room.
“What happened the night of Eleanor’s party?”
Jenny froze, his eyes sliding shut. “What?” she managed to choke out after a second. She looked back over her shoulder at him, letting her long hair fall across her face so he couldn’t really see her.
Nate took a single step towards her. “This all started the night of Eleanor’s party. The night I saw you get in that cab with Agnes and those other girls. You called me, but by the time I got to the club you were gone.”
Jenny’s stomach cramped suddenly, like she had been sucker-punched. So much of that night was just fragmented memories, but now she could remember she had called Nate. She remembered the scratchy cushion of the couch she had collapsed on. She could remember him saying he was coming.
How close had she been to being saved? A minute? Ten? An hour?
“Jenny, what happened after you left the club?” Nate pressed softly, standing right in front of her now.
She blinked, startled. She hadn’t noticed him coming towards her. Looking into his blue eyes, she could feel her resolve crumbling as tears stung the backs of her eyes.
“I don’t remember,” Jenny said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.
“You don’t remember?” He frowned, cocking his head to one side. “How much did you drink.”
“One drink,” she replied. “Just one. Agnes gave it to me at Eleanor’s.”
“How can you not remember if you only had one…” He trailed off and his eyes went wide. “Did she … Did Agnes put something in your drink?”
She couldn’t make herself say the word, and she couldn’t force her head to nod. She was frozen, trapped in the moment. She could only stare into his eyes, silently pleading with him to put the pieces together so she didn’t have to. It was a jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces. There were still so many holes, how could she ever begin to explain them all?
“What happened?” His voice went hoarse, expecting the worst. “You can tell me, Jenny.”
She opened her mouth, but the words stuck to her throat. “Nate, I-”
A cabinet door downstairs slammed shut with a loud bang, the sound echoing off all the walls and vibrating up the hallway.
“Nate? Are you still here?” Serena called from the bottom of the steps.
His eyes swung from the landing to Jenny, knowing they only had seconds before Serena came looking.
Jenny squared her shoulders and lifted her chin a notch. “Go on, Nate.”
“But-”
Jenny was already halfway in her room. Her fingers curled around the wood frame of the doorway as her paused, not looking back at him. “I told you before: there’s nothing you can fix.”
Her door shut and Nate flinched back.
“Nate!” Serena called more insistently now.
“I’m coming,” he answered back, his eyes still on Jenny’s closed door.