On love
I just don't get it. Maybe it's not a concept my almost 16 year old brain is supposed to grasp, or maybe (as I very firmly believe), I've just watched too many Disney movies and read too many fairy tales. It just seems so...simple to me. Because I truely love all of my friends, from the bottom of my soul. I love my dad. I love my goddess. I love this earth and all the sights and smells and sounds and emotions and everything I'm blessed to have every day.
But then we have this whole concept of romance.
Gag me.
I've decided I just give up. What if there's no such thing as falling in love just one time? Because I was thinking earlier how stupid I'm going to feel if/when I'm married, looking back on all the crushes I've had over the past few years. And I'd look back and say, "How could I honestly ever thought I loved those people when I really love (husband name)?" But what if I did love them? The only thing I find complicated about that is that I believe that love is forever. To me that's the only thing that separates love from care, which can be temporary, is not necessarily mutual, and doesn't necessarily involve trust. And, I mean, if I think about it, I guess I still do love my old crushes-certainly not in the way I used to, but I do hope that they're all okay. And I would be devastated if any of them turned up dead on the 10:00 evening news, even that snot William Craig.
So what makes it so impossibly hard for people in supposedly adult, mature relationships to profess their love? Sigh. This is where I begin to think that Kate may have a point, about dating friends, because you would think that if you're friends, you love each other already, right? But then again, who knows?
I like "Michael" (sorry, you don't get a real name, no matter how much you beg and plead and whine ^_~). And I love him, too. I know that deep in my heart, I care for him exactly the same as I do for any of my friends. And I know that, like my friends, I'd do anything for him. Litterally. Anything. No matter how great or small. So isn't that enough? I mean, there are certain things that would make having a relationship with him more complicated than I'd even allow myself to entertain the possibility of right now, but say later. Say later there are no more complications and I date him. Is there anything wrong with this love? With the love that I've known all my life, with the love that I've given willingly to those closest to me, and sometimes to complete strangers? What's wrong with that? I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with it. But here comes society, looming over my shoulder, telling me that I have to have some extrordinary, out of this world emotional connection with this man in order to have anything worthwhile? Where's the sense in that? I know he loves me too. Love is mutual. It just is. It doesn't work unless both people feel the same way. And so what if I'm...lusting isn't really the right word, but I guess it'll have to do. So what if I'm lusting the tiniest bit in addition to love?
So my question, or one of the many, I guess, is what is society's problem we can't just openly display this kind of love? And I'm not talking PDAs. I'm saying...why don't we tell people we love them every day? Why is that so wrong?
There are fleeting moments when I'll allow myself to believe that he feels the exact same way for me. Very brief moments. Prolonged eye contact, a clasping of my hand in his, a certain manner about him that I just can't seem to place...but I know, it's got to all just be my head. I remember how sure I was that Nathan liked me (not that he didn't lead me on enough), and then he turned out to have a girlfriend. And after all the "OMG lYkE WTF was that DoEs He LyKe sirisly have A gF?!?! wHAt ThE HELl man!?"ing, I got over myself and realized he still loved me anyway. Just not the way I thought. But does that make me wrong to think that maybe I have the tiniest chance in hell with Michael? I suppose...oi to complications. I suppose that, if not for complications, I might have a chance. But, complications.
"Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not rude or self-seeking. Love keeps no record of wrong."
I love all you people, I really do. Now if I could only sort out what my teenage mind is going to do with this rambling...
Sorry if I crowded your friends' pages:P Comments would be appreciated, just to know that I'm not wandering alone in the dark here.
But then we have this whole concept of romance.
Gag me.
I've decided I just give up. What if there's no such thing as falling in love just one time? Because I was thinking earlier how stupid I'm going to feel if/when I'm married, looking back on all the crushes I've had over the past few years. And I'd look back and say, "How could I honestly ever thought I loved those people when I really love (husband name)?" But what if I did love them? The only thing I find complicated about that is that I believe that love is forever. To me that's the only thing that separates love from care, which can be temporary, is not necessarily mutual, and doesn't necessarily involve trust. And, I mean, if I think about it, I guess I still do love my old crushes-certainly not in the way I used to, but I do hope that they're all okay. And I would be devastated if any of them turned up dead on the 10:00 evening news, even that snot William Craig.
So what makes it so impossibly hard for people in supposedly adult, mature relationships to profess their love? Sigh. This is where I begin to think that Kate may have a point, about dating friends, because you would think that if you're friends, you love each other already, right? But then again, who knows?
I like "Michael" (sorry, you don't get a real name, no matter how much you beg and plead and whine ^_~). And I love him, too. I know that deep in my heart, I care for him exactly the same as I do for any of my friends. And I know that, like my friends, I'd do anything for him. Litterally. Anything. No matter how great or small. So isn't that enough? I mean, there are certain things that would make having a relationship with him more complicated than I'd even allow myself to entertain the possibility of right now, but say later. Say later there are no more complications and I date him. Is there anything wrong with this love? With the love that I've known all my life, with the love that I've given willingly to those closest to me, and sometimes to complete strangers? What's wrong with that? I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with it. But here comes society, looming over my shoulder, telling me that I have to have some extrordinary, out of this world emotional connection with this man in order to have anything worthwhile? Where's the sense in that? I know he loves me too. Love is mutual. It just is. It doesn't work unless both people feel the same way. And so what if I'm...lusting isn't really the right word, but I guess it'll have to do. So what if I'm lusting the tiniest bit in addition to love?
So my question, or one of the many, I guess, is what is society's problem we can't just openly display this kind of love? And I'm not talking PDAs. I'm saying...why don't we tell people we love them every day? Why is that so wrong?
There are fleeting moments when I'll allow myself to believe that he feels the exact same way for me. Very brief moments. Prolonged eye contact, a clasping of my hand in his, a certain manner about him that I just can't seem to place...but I know, it's got to all just be my head. I remember how sure I was that Nathan liked me (not that he didn't lead me on enough), and then he turned out to have a girlfriend. And after all the "OMG lYkE WTF was that DoEs He LyKe sirisly have A gF?!?! wHAt ThE HELl man!?"ing, I got over myself and realized he still loved me anyway. Just not the way I thought. But does that make me wrong to think that maybe I have the tiniest chance in hell with Michael? I suppose...oi to complications. I suppose that, if not for complications, I might have a chance. But, complications.
"Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not rude or self-seeking. Love keeps no record of wrong."
I love all you people, I really do. Now if I could only sort out what my teenage mind is going to do with this rambling...
Sorry if I crowded your friends' pages:P Comments would be appreciated, just to know that I'm not wandering alone in the dark here.