2009
Wow.
So, I'm on my gap year, I'm going to ANU next year, hopefully back to the Ink-land in September and last year was choc-full of college-y goodness. Um... far too much to recap effectively. Sorry.
I've recently been employed by KFC. Yay me. I may will have to borrow a little over several thousand dollars from the parental figures if I am ever going to make it overseas.
Emotionally, I'm kind of fucked up right now. I don't know how I am, how I feel. About... anything. Everything, really. I just feel... wrong. Really really wrong. And I get that it's probably hormones, I get that I'm probably just going through a late teenage phase. I still feel like shit.
I want so much. And I want nothing that I can have. I want everything, I want people to love me, to need me, to adore me. I want this fucking black pit in my intestines to leave me, and I need it to stay, because I'm terrified it's what I am and I can't lose that, if that's all there is. I want to know what I am. I want, I want. I want to feel something, and know that it's worthwhile, and feel like it's worth it for more than an hour. I want to feel remorse, and not self-loathing. I want to have will-power, and not punishment after the fact. I want too much.
Fuck this shit. I can't...
Fuck it.