Through the Clouds
Sometimes I go through fazes. I'll want to write short, quick to the point entry's. And then there are days like this when I just want to write, for the sake of writing. I've been going through alot of changes lately. I'm told by all my older friends that it's called growing up. I just don't completely agree with them. I do understand that growing up involves new experiences, the gaining of wisdom, trial and error. But I'm not going through that right now. I guess we all have to grow up, and maybe I disagree because I've fought against growing up for so long. I've taken on responsibility and matured, but I've never let go of childhood. I've fought to stay young and vibrant. And I guess the thing I'm realizing now is that I don't have a choice but to grow up. Even the love of my life wants me to grow up. He says sometimes I'm too young for him. I don't want to be too young, but at the same time I'm only 18, why should I push myself to act like an adult when I still have four years of college left. I've got so much of my life to experience and I don't want to waste it trying to do what is right all the time, I don't want to waste myself by trying to grow up and mature too fast. Everyone matures at their own pace. I just want to experience. I don't think thats too much to want, or too need.
And at the same time, I know growing up is happening inside me. I've been thinking about the rest of my life. What do I want to do? Brian would be happy if I had a secure job sitting behind a desk. But thats not what I want. I know I'm going to need money. But I want to make money doing something I love, not something I dread getting up to do. I can live a successful and healthy adult life doing some of the things I'm passionate about. I recently changed my major to english and added a minor in srt and visual technology. I think I want to be a music journalist. Or maybe even a photogtapher for a music magazine. I would love to make music for the rest of my life, but I'm better at helping others make theirs, or writing about it. I could produce, manage, book, right now I don't know what exactly but I know I want to work with music and musicians in some way. I know I can. I wouldn't have this passion for it if I wasn't supposed to use it.
I just hope Brian see that passion and supports my decision like I support all of his. And if he can't then maybe he isn't the one. But my gut tells me he is. He's perfect for me and I want to be good to him. I want to oe him and take care of him for the rest of my life. And god that looks scary in writing but thats exactly how I feel. He's the love of my life and I want him to know that.
I think I should go write a story or a song now.
Love Sam
Ps-Typing with nails is a bitch. <3
And at the same time, I know growing up is happening inside me. I've been thinking about the rest of my life. What do I want to do? Brian would be happy if I had a secure job sitting behind a desk. But thats not what I want. I know I'm going to need money. But I want to make money doing something I love, not something I dread getting up to do. I can live a successful and healthy adult life doing some of the things I'm passionate about. I recently changed my major to english and added a minor in srt and visual technology. I think I want to be a music journalist. Or maybe even a photogtapher for a music magazine. I would love to make music for the rest of my life, but I'm better at helping others make theirs, or writing about it. I could produce, manage, book, right now I don't know what exactly but I know I want to work with music and musicians in some way. I know I can. I wouldn't have this passion for it if I wasn't supposed to use it.
I just hope Brian see that passion and supports my decision like I support all of his. And if he can't then maybe he isn't the one. But my gut tells me he is. He's perfect for me and I want to be good to him. I want to oe him and take care of him for the rest of my life. And god that looks scary in writing but thats exactly how I feel. He's the love of my life and I want him to know that.
I think I should go write a story or a song now.
Love Sam
Ps-Typing with nails is a bitch. <3