THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE..... How intriguing.
**** WARNING. ALL MY POSTS WILL CONTAIN PROFANITY'S, SIGNS OF MENTAL ILLNESS (although i do not believe i truly am mentally challenged in any ways), ODD BEHAVIOURS AND THOUGHTS, SELF HARM & INJURY AT TIMES, AND DREAMS OF A SMALL TOWN HOUSE WIFE, WHO IS CAGED IN******
I"m 26. I"ll be 27 in May. I"m getting OLD. I"ve got a family, a husband & a 19 month old son. They are my life. For real! We have a dog, her name is Zoey. We live in a small 900 sq ft home in Alberta. Its a house I hate. I bought it with my ex husband who claimed bankruptcy and crapped out on me a long time ago. That's a whole other ball game you'll hear about later, I PROMISE. Its 2010 and there's only thing I want right now. TO BE SKINNY! Not just to lose weight, but to gain control over my habits, my body & my life. I hate myself. I look in the mirror and all I can say is YOU FAT FUCK, LOOK AT YOU. <---- there'll be lots of swearing, so if your sensitive I"d suggest finding another blog to look at. I'm on a mission and nothing is going to stop me. I"ve had the worst 3 years of my life, and I"m going to succeed in something this time.
Right now I'll try to organize my VERY un-organized thoughts into some English for ya's.
Today was my research day. Figuring out how to sustain from stuffing my face, comfort eating, getting rid of carb cravings, trying to figure out how to feel full. I researched my ass off. I think I"m off to a great start.
Here is my food intake for today, and I will be also adding some sort of snack later to this list because I"ll need to eat just a tiny bit or something.
R.E.D'S LOG:
DATE: January 1, 2010
ITEM: CALORIES NOTES:
Can of Tuna 120
Shake(w/water 130
Plain Yogurt 10 less then ¼ C.
Marshmellows 55 3
1 tea 0
1 soy shake water 115
1 green tea decaf 0
2 1.5 litres water btls 0
1 app. suppressent 0
1 stalk of celery 0
TOTAL: 430
After I finished deciding that every shred of ' something ' that passes my lips will be written down... Well.. except that one thing that happens every once in awhile with my husband :P I know.... gross! :P
The above is on a spread sheet printed off, and I keep it at the computer, not anywhere near the FRIDGE!
Below is my list of things... I'll explain it as I go along because its chaulk full of fun starvation goodness!
Idea's & things I am doing:
green tea-- a few cups a day
1 buillion cube is 5 calories
diet coke. 1 cal a can.
crystal light sugar free candies- half the cals of reg. but with a sweet effect... good for me
WARM drinks- makes u feel full
lots of small low-cal snacks a day, will boost metab & keep cals LOW
sugar free/fat free jello 40 cals for the whole packet.
try to fill snack time with low-cal veggies
find ant-acid gum
smart water- curbs chocolate cravings.
get through 2 weeks of no sweets-- the cravings will be almost gone
dont buy junk food- buy something for myself instead, or reward at weight check in's.
get a full 6 hours + of sleep, if not it'll slow my metab even more.
get lots of fibre.. how? easiest is to get FIBRE powder or pills!
eat in the mirror, make my fat face accountable
green tea app. suppressents or others to help for now
MY RULES ( borrowed from a pro-ana website )
Rule 1: you must eat something (which can be anything!) every 2 hours.
Rule 2: whatever you eat must not be less than 50 calories and STRICTLY not more than 100 calories.
Rule 3: the total number of meals per day should be 6.
Rule 4: you cannot eat or drink anything with calories during any of the intervals between meals.
Although it seems to involve a lot of eating, basically you'd be falling within a daily caloric intake of between 300 and 600. <<>
You'd be having 300 calories per day if you have 6 meals of 50 calories each, and if you do the maximum and have 6 meals of 100 calories each you'd be having 600 calories per day which is still quite low!
For the plan to work it is vital that you DO eat at the planned times. Strictly never skip a meal, even if you're not hungry at all. This shouldn't be hard because you can easily take your 50 cals by having a glass of milk, juice or sucking on a couple of toffees. Basically anything at your whim provided it is between 50 and 100 calories. (Do opt for healthy foods though!)
VIDEO/PICTURES:
I am about to make a mini video Diary right now- introducing my fat self and making myself see what I look like on video to make myself accountable for this blub. I'll be updating routinely and adding the YOUTUBE LINK for this. I dont want to show my face exactly- at least not now... * gotta pee, brb, soo many liquids*
K- back.
I will be taking weekly pictures of myself, the same area's, the same poses. Not a week will go by I wont make myself look at what I am. I cannot add them all on here, but I will be making a webshots or 'other' album for them to be viewed in categories. THERE WILL BE A RESULT THIS TIME!
TODAY:
Well- its 8:20 pm. I've made it through almost my first entire day... I feel like a storm trooper, ready for anything. Tomorrow I hope to wake up feeling the same!
I"m 26. I"ll be 27 in May. I"m getting OLD. I"ve got a family, a husband & a 19 month old son. They are my life. For real! We have a dog, her name is Zoey. We live in a small 900 sq ft home in Alberta. Its a house I hate. I bought it with my ex husband who claimed bankruptcy and crapped out on me a long time ago. That's a whole other ball game you'll hear about later, I PROMISE. Its 2010 and there's only thing I want right now. TO BE SKINNY! Not just to lose weight, but to gain control over my habits, my body & my life. I hate myself. I look in the mirror and all I can say is YOU FAT FUCK, LOOK AT YOU. <---- there'll be lots of swearing, so if your sensitive I"d suggest finding another blog to look at. I'm on a mission and nothing is going to stop me. I"ve had the worst 3 years of my life, and I"m going to succeed in something this time.
Right now I'll try to organize my VERY un-organized thoughts into some English for ya's.
Today was my research day. Figuring out how to sustain from stuffing my face, comfort eating, getting rid of carb cravings, trying to figure out how to feel full. I researched my ass off. I think I"m off to a great start.
Here is my food intake for today, and I will be also adding some sort of snack later to this list because I"ll need to eat just a tiny bit or something.
R.E.D'S LOG:
DATE: January 1, 2010
ITEM: CALORIES NOTES:
Can of Tuna 120
Shake(w/water 130
Plain Yogurt 10 less then ¼ C.
Marshmellows 55 3
1 tea 0
1 soy shake water 115
1 green tea decaf 0
2 1.5 litres water btls 0
1 app. suppressent 0
1 stalk of celery 0
TOTAL: 430
After I finished deciding that every shred of ' something ' that passes my lips will be written down... Well.. except that one thing that happens every once in awhile with my husband :P I know.... gross! :P
The above is on a spread sheet printed off, and I keep it at the computer, not anywhere near the FRIDGE!
Below is my list of things... I'll explain it as I go along because its chaulk full of fun starvation goodness!
Idea's & things I am doing:
green tea-- a few cups a day
1 buillion cube is 5 calories
diet coke. 1 cal a can.
crystal light sugar free candies- half the cals of reg. but with a sweet effect... good for me
WARM drinks- makes u feel full
lots of small low-cal snacks a day, will boost metab & keep cals LOW
sugar free/fat free jello 40 cals for the whole packet.
try to fill snack time with low-cal veggies
find ant-acid gum
smart water- curbs chocolate cravings.
get through 2 weeks of no sweets-- the cravings will be almost gone
dont buy junk food- buy something for myself instead, or reward at weight check in's.
get a full 6 hours + of sleep, if not it'll slow my metab even more.
get lots of fibre.. how? easiest is to get FIBRE powder or pills!
eat in the mirror, make my fat face accountable
green tea app. suppressents or others to help for now
MY RULES ( borrowed from a pro-ana website )
Rule 1: you must eat something (which can be anything!) every 2 hours.
Rule 2: whatever you eat must not be less than 50 calories and STRICTLY not more than 100 calories.
Rule 3: the total number of meals per day should be 6.
Rule 4: you cannot eat or drink anything with calories during any of the intervals between meals.
Although it seems to involve a lot of eating, basically you'd be falling within a daily caloric intake of between 300 and 600. <<>
You'd be having 300 calories per day if you have 6 meals of 50 calories each, and if you do the maximum and have 6 meals of 100 calories each you'd be having 600 calories per day which is still quite low!
For the plan to work it is vital that you DO eat at the planned times. Strictly never skip a meal, even if you're not hungry at all. This shouldn't be hard because you can easily take your 50 cals by having a glass of milk, juice or sucking on a couple of toffees. Basically anything at your whim provided it is between 50 and 100 calories. (Do opt for healthy foods though!)
VIDEO/PICTURES:
I am about to make a mini video Diary right now- introducing my fat self and making myself see what I look like on video to make myself accountable for this blub. I'll be updating routinely and adding the YOUTUBE LINK for this. I dont want to show my face exactly- at least not now... * gotta pee, brb, soo many liquids*
K- back.
I will be taking weekly pictures of myself, the same area's, the same poses. Not a week will go by I wont make myself look at what I am. I cannot add them all on here, but I will be making a webshots or 'other' album for them to be viewed in categories. THERE WILL BE A RESULT THIS TIME!
TODAY:
Well- its 8:20 pm. I've made it through almost my first entire day... I feel like a storm trooper, ready for anything. Tomorrow I hope to wake up feeling the same!