Cardboard Mush
Title: Cardboard Mush AO3
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Lisa Braeden
Pairings: Lisa/Dean
Rating: PG
Summary: It’s been a week since Sam arrived that the Braeden household and he’s finally hungry.
Word Count: 1356
Disclaimer: Supernatural and co. belong to Eric Kripke
The first week at Lisa’s house, Sam doesn’t leave the bedroom. He spends most of his time clutching the bedcovers and pretending that he’s somewhere else. Dean brings him water bottles, still sealed, and carries him into the bathroom when he needs it.
Sam doesn’t talk at all that week. He’s still trying to sort things out. Bobby’s house was better. He knows what’s supposed to be there and what’s extra. Here, he’s not so sure. There are lots of mirrors in Lisa’s room and shiny picture frames and he sees things in them that shouldn’t be there.
So when he gets out of bed on the Tuesday the week after they arrive his voice is rough and his throat is sore when he tries to speak.
“Good morning.”
“Good morning.” Dean says back, leading him into the bathroom. That’s another thing Sam has discovered, he doesn’t like to be alone in a room. And he likes it when someone is touching him, as long as that someone is Dean.
He takes a short shower this morning and tries not to gag when Dean carefully brushes his teeth for him and tells him to spit the toothpaste into the sink. He knows it’s not real, that the teeth he sees being rinsed down with the foam aren’t really there. His tongue can still feel them all in his mouth where they are supposed to be.
“I’m hungry.” Sam looks at Dean, his hands shaking at his sides. “Really hungry.”
“Okay.” Dean washes his hands and puts the toothbrush back into a cup with three others. “Do you want me to bring something up to you? Is there anything you’d like?”
“Anything sounds good.” Sam says as his stomach growls loudly. That’s probably a good sign, that he’s hungry again.
“I’ll tell Lisa.” Dean says and he hold Sam’s hand and talks into a walkie talkie that Ben had. He’s told Sam that story six times now. Ben got the walkie talkies for his birthday and now Dean uses them to talk to Sam when he’s not there or Dean can talk to Lisa if Sam can’t handle seeing her.
“Lisa’s going to bring us some breakfast.” Dean translates, because Sam can only hear static from the radio unless it’s pressed up against his ear and Dean’s on the other end. “Ready to get dressed?”
It takes both of them to get Sam dressed. His hands shake too much to do anything helpful, so Dean holds his underwear and pants open and Sam steps into them and Dean helps him pull his shaky arms through the holes in his t-shirt. Sam hated it at first, but Bobby wasn’t as gentle as Dean and Dean doesn’t make a big deal out of it.
The smell catches him by surprise and when Lisa knocks on the bedroom door and Dean lets go of his hand to answer it, he runs for the bathroom and makes it in time to throw up in the toilet. He hears the crash of glass and ceramic over his own gagging and then Dean and Lisa are there.
Lisa’s the one holding his hair back. Her hands are smaller and they don’t feel familiar like Dean’s. He doesn’t know every inch of them. But Dean’s hands are there too, wiping his face and offering him water.
“Not ready to eat yet?” Dean asks once the gagging has stopped and the toilet’s been flushed for the last time.
“It smells like burned flesh.” Sam says, wiping his mouth on his shoulder.
“Bacon.” Lisa says and Sam’s stomach growls at the thought of juicy bacon dripping with grease.
“Okay, no bacon.” Dean says and Sam sighs. “Still hungry?”
Sam nods. “Really hungry.”
“How about oatmeal?” Lisa asks. “I’ve got some instant oatmeal. With sugar and cinnamon?” She offers, fingers sliding through his hair.
“Sound good?” Dean asks because Sam’s only going to answer him.
“Yes please.” Sam says and he gets clumsily to his feet when Lisa does. “I’m coming downstairs.” He announces, because he can only hide silently in the bedroom for so long.
Dean helps him walk. His legs are weak and tired from disuse and Sam clings to his brother all the way down the stairs. The kitchen is big and bright after the silence and solitude of the bedroom, but he’s handling it. Sure, there’s someone who probably isn’t actually there in the corner, but Dean’s holding his hand and he can ignore them.
“I can do it.” Sam says when the kettle starts to whistle. He pulls Dean along with him, refusing to relinquish his grip on his brother’s hand.
Lisa puts a bowl with dried oatmeal flakes in it on the counter next to the kettle. “Dean knows where the sugar and cinnamon are. There’s milk in the fridge. I’m going to get ready for work.”
Sam’s hand shakes when he pours the water into the bowl, but only a little sloshes over the edge onto the counter and he ignores it, pouring until the flakes are floating in the boiling water, starting to soften and mush together.
Dean hands hands him a spoon and Sam stirs the clumps around, poking at them and wondering if the vaguely unappetizing mess will just make him feel worse.
“Sugar?” Dean asks, pointing to a cannister beside the toaster.
“Not right now.” Sam says and he lets Dean carry the bowl back to the table, a little trail of steam following behind it. Dean hands him a spoon and he grips it like he’s two and his hand still shakes.
Dean doesn’t say anything, he’s got another spoon and he scoops up some of the oatmeal on it. It’s still steaming and he blows on it before offering it to Sam, hovering just in front of his lips. Sam opens his mouth and lets the warm metal into his mouth.
The oatmeal is a mixture of tasteless sogginess and cardboard. It mushes around inside his mouth and Sam swallows. It’s not too hard on his throat and he lets Dean feed him another spoonful and then another.
“Want some sugar now?” Dean asks, wrinkling his nose a little at the bland oatmeal.
Sam shakes his head and eats one more spoonful. “That enough.”
“Okay.” Dean lets Sam tag along beside him when he takes the bowl and the spoon to the sink. There’s still oatmeal left but Lisa has a garburator and he dumps the whole mess into the sink. “You want to try something else? Let’s check the fridge.”
Dean doesn’t wait for Sam to say no. He opens the fridge and looks around inside it. There’s not much, some vegetables, a chicken that’s probably defrosting, a pile of pudding cups.
“Looks like it’s time to go grocery shopping.” Dean closes the fridge.
Sam’s already shrinking in on himself. He can’t imagine grocery shopping, it will smell like death and there will be people and he won’t know what’s right! “No Dean, please no, don’t make me do that…”
Dean grabs his shoulders and he looks as upset as Sam feels. “It’s okay, I didn’t mean us, it’s okay. Lisa can go when she comes home.”
Sam’s crying now, but he nods over and over again. “Right, no, we don’t have to go to the grocery store.”
“That’s right.” Dean’s got them both on the floor now and he’s holding Sam tightly to his chest. “You want anything special? Is there anything you think you’ll be able to eat?”
Sam shrugs against his chest. “Soy milk?” He asks hopefully.
Dean nods back and Sam bounces against his chest. “We can go that, no problem. We’ll have something good for supper tonight. You have to tell me if you get hungry before then. I can get you a snack if you want.”
“Like a pudding cup?” Sam asks, there was chocolate and vanilla in the fridge.
“You want one?” Dean starts to get up.
“Maybe later.” Sam settles in, the floor’s not that uncomfortable, in the grand scheme of things. And this way they’re close to the fridge.