Between Your Toes (Supernatural)
Title: Between Your Toes
Fandom: Supernatural
Prompt: Stroll
Medium: Fanfiction
Size/length: 1030
Summary: Sam’s ready to go outside. The fresh air will help him forget the cage.
Rating: G
Pairing: Lisa/Dean
Content Notes: References to past torture.
AO3
“I want to go outside.”
Normal words, but Dean can’t believe he’s hearing them. But then a year ago he wouldn’t have believed that he would be washing and dressing his twenty six year old brother everything morning either.
“Really?” Dean passes Sam a towel and waits for him to dry off before helping him into sweatpants and a t-shirt.
“Yes. I’m tired of being inside.” Sam yanks the t-shirt down over his wet hair and rubs the water out of his eyes.
“Let’s have breakfast first.” Dean says and the discussion ends there.
It’s not like he doesn’t go outside, he’s just been inside for the last few weeks. Dean picked him up from Bobby’s right after he first got back and after that nightmarish trip was over, Sam had crawled inside Lisa’s house in the dead of night and hasn’t left since. He looks out the windows sometimes, the ones that open onto the backyard.
Breakfast is quiet. Ben’s wolfing down toast, trying to do his homework from the night before. Sam feels guilty as he watches the family around him, Dean carefully feeding him small spoonfuls of grapefruit.
They’ve changed for him. He needs almost as much help as a baby and they don’t complain. Ben goes to school and plays with his friends and sometimes he talks to Sam, if Sam’s having a good day. Lisa and Dean takes turns working so that someone’s always home with him. They’ve arranged their lives around his and he’s feels responsible for changing things.
“Want another grapefruit half? Some tea or something?” Dean asks once Sam’s finished his breakfast.
“I’m good.” Sam wipes clumsily at his mouth. His hands don’t shake all the time now, only when he wants them to do something. But they can hang limply at his sides and that’s definitely an improvement.
“Okay, I’m going to have toast then we can go outside. If you still want to.”
Sam nods and carries his plate to the sink. The spoon’s balanced on top and he can hear it rattling as his hands shake the plate. He can’t wash dishes. He tried once, but the sight and smell of blood, a cut on his hand from a dropped glass, was too much and now he’s not supposed to do anything that might hurt him.
“Ready?” Dean’s got on shoes and he made Sam put on a jacket that he doesn’t really need. It’s not cold out and the sun is shining.
“Yeah.” Sam swallows and looks at the back door, he’s terrified and excited.
“You need to talk to me. Okay Sam? Tell me if we need to come back or take a break. Lisa opened the shed and there are some lawn chairs in there if you want to stop. We’re going to take this slow. Okay?”
“Okay.” Sam takes his brother’s hand. He feels like he’s six again when he holds Dean’s hand, ready to look both ways and cross the street.
Dean opens the door and they step out onto the back porch. That part’s not hard.
It’s really nice to be outside. It’s not too noisy, the suburbs and all. Sam can hear birds chirping and the neighbour's’ pool is gurgling away. There’s a light breeze and it blows through the trees and sends fresh air over his face.
Sam stands there, with a death grip on Dean’s hand for a while. He closes his eyes and breathes, he’s free out here. He could walk and walk and walk if he wanted too. The cage was small, it could seem big, but it was small. He shivers, Sam tries not to think about the cage.
“Sam, open your eyes.” Dean’s words come as an order and Sam obeys. “We’re staying here Sam. Inside or outside, but we’re staying here on Earth.”
“Okay.” Sam whispers, Dean knows what he’s thinking. Dean takes care of him. “I want to feel the grass.”
They walk down the five steps to the grass. Sam uses the railing and his hand shakes where he grabs it. But he makes it down safely enough and the sun shines on his face, bright and pure.
“Are we sitting down?” Dean asks, looking down at the grass. There’s no way Sam can touch it while he’s standing.
“I guess.” Sam sits next to his brother. His shoes feel weird and tight. He doesn’t wear shoes anymore. And he only puts on socks if it’s really cold. He bends his knees and slides the shoes off of his feet, tugging the socks off afterwards. It’s a production, but Dean lets him do it by himself.
The grass is cool on the soles of his feets and Sam rubs them back and forth, the grass carding between his toes. “I’m going to walk around.”
Dean stands up with him and holds his hand. Sam wants to protest for a moment, it’s Lisa’s backyard, it’s safe. He’s ran through buildings full of monsters that want to kill him, by himself. He should be able to do this, but he can’t, not yet.
The grass is drying in the places where the sun’s been shining on it all morning. It’s rougher feeling and Sam stands still in it.
“Okay?” Dean asks.
“Mhmm.” Sam answers, he’s happy here.
They walk around the entire yard twice, stopping so Sam can run his hands over the bark of the tree and bend over to smell the flowers in Lisa’s garden. The garden’s gone to seed a bit now, Dean and Lisa are busy, there’s no time to tend the plants.
Sam picks up his socks and shoes and stands in the grass. The sun has risen higher now and it beats down brightly like it never did in there.
“I like it out here.” He whispers.
Dean doesn’t say anything, but Sam feels his brother’s thumb run over the back of his hand. It’s soothing.
“I want to come outside again tomorrow.” Sam announces as they walk up the five steps to the back porch and step inside the house.
“Wait and see.” Dean says. “We’ll wait until tomorrow for you to decide what you want.”