Couple of things.
I've been stressing out lately. It started when I started thinking about my schedual for next year and how I really don't want to take math or science, and technically, I don't have to. So I decided that I wouldn't...
And while that makes me bounce with joy, it also makes me freak out because all the councelors say, "YOU'LL NEVER GET INTO COLLEGE OR GO ANYWHERE IN LIFE WITHOUT MATH AND SCIENCE!!! RARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!" And if I can't get into a good college, then I won't be able to study theatre in great depth (theatre being the ONLY thing that will take me anywhere in life. It's the only thing I'm really good at, besides dance and choir, but I'm not NEARLY good enough at those things for them to take me anywhere in life), NOT TO MENTION I'm so pressured to get better grades in the classes I DON'T GIVE A SHIT about than the ones I DO. (I have a better grade in AP ENGLISH than I do in THEATRE! WHF?!)
But when I consider not taking AP things, and focusing only on theatre and choir, again the councellor's voices ring in my head...I won't get good enough grades to get into the college of my choice and I'll be assfucked for life. Not to mention my parents' would probably blow a gasket.
And THEN I think of my GODDAMNED PERFECT GOD BROTHER who DID take AP everything AND was a Theatre God AND has 4 black belts in 4 different martial arts AND plays the guitar AND was ranked EIGHT in his graduating class and how *I* will NEVER be that good. Ever. And what's WORSE: I KNOW he's done drugs! Hard ones! And he drinks! I never told my parents. Oh, the TRAGEDY! It would break their FUCKING HEARTS to find out that the PERFECT ONE was ::gasp!:: Not perfect.
BUT HE'S STILL FUCKING PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I need to get smashed every night THEN I can be a goddamned genius and do everything right.
And what's worse...it gets worse, you ask? Yes. It does.
I don't hate him. I love my brother. He's always been so great to me. Played with me when I was little, was never mean to me, helped me with my homework when I asked, drove me places when I needed it, he's very protective of me...I love him. But I want to kill him.
And I'm not QUITE sure how I went from stressing about college to a long drawn out rant about my older brother, but it did. Do deal with it.
On a lighter note, I'm going to be a Catholic School girl for Halloween, so someone needs to take me shopping. :P I need a plaid pleated skirt, a white blouse, white knee-high socks, a tie of similar colours of the skirt and a few new bras. (That actually has nothing to do with the costumes, but I DO need new bras. Sexy ones. Rawr. ;))
And while that makes me bounce with joy, it also makes me freak out because all the councelors say, "YOU'LL NEVER GET INTO COLLEGE OR GO ANYWHERE IN LIFE WITHOUT MATH AND SCIENCE!!! RARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!" And if I can't get into a good college, then I won't be able to study theatre in great depth (theatre being the ONLY thing that will take me anywhere in life. It's the only thing I'm really good at, besides dance and choir, but I'm not NEARLY good enough at those things for them to take me anywhere in life), NOT TO MENTION I'm so pressured to get better grades in the classes I DON'T GIVE A SHIT about than the ones I DO. (I have a better grade in AP ENGLISH than I do in THEATRE! WHF?!)
But when I consider not taking AP things, and focusing only on theatre and choir, again the councellor's voices ring in my head...I won't get good enough grades to get into the college of my choice and I'll be assfucked for life. Not to mention my parents' would probably blow a gasket.
And THEN I think of my GODDAMNED PERFECT GOD BROTHER who DID take AP everything AND was a Theatre God AND has 4 black belts in 4 different martial arts AND plays the guitar AND was ranked EIGHT in his graduating class and how *I* will NEVER be that good. Ever. And what's WORSE: I KNOW he's done drugs! Hard ones! And he drinks! I never told my parents. Oh, the TRAGEDY! It would break their FUCKING HEARTS to find out that the PERFECT ONE was ::gasp!:: Not perfect.
BUT HE'S STILL FUCKING PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I need to get smashed every night THEN I can be a goddamned genius and do everything right.
And what's worse...it gets worse, you ask? Yes. It does.
I don't hate him. I love my brother. He's always been so great to me. Played with me when I was little, was never mean to me, helped me with my homework when I asked, drove me places when I needed it, he's very protective of me...I love him. But I want to kill him.
And I'm not QUITE sure how I went from stressing about college to a long drawn out rant about my older brother, but it did. Do deal with it.
On a lighter note, I'm going to be a Catholic School girl for Halloween, so someone needs to take me shopping. :P I need a plaid pleated skirt, a white blouse, white knee-high socks, a tie of similar colours of the skirt and a few new bras. (That actually has nothing to do with the costumes, but I DO need new bras. Sexy ones. Rawr. ;))