The voice of doom!
Last night's session featured the cutest little deathbringer in the multiverse, a two-faced god, and a bunch of very enthusiastic macho men shouting, "Oooh, yeah!" With this sort of diversity, it can only be... the Voice of Doom!
[The game has lasted somewhat longer than Andrew the GM originally anticipated.]
Eric: "In five years, we'll get one of those table-top ipad tables. Sadly, it'll still be for this game."
[One of those existential questions for which we may never know the answer.]
Adam: "Why is everyone who shows up in Shelezar naked?"
[From the department of Lines I Never Thought I'd Hear...]
Adam: "I have a giant chicken! I keep forgetting about that!"
[The Dol Mosh prepares to complete the ritual whereby Azlo will join his dark brotherhood.]
Dol Mosh (to Azlo): "Hypothetically speaking, if you were to have a bunch of children sacrificed to you to culminate the ritual that marks your ascension to our brotherhood, what kind of children would they be?"
Julie: "Oh, c'mon, you know the answer to this."
[When it comes down to practicality vs. cinematics, cinematics are always gonna win.]
Eric: "Why would you not blow the door down?"
[Does everyone remember Suzie? She's the cutest little deathbringer in the multiverse!]
Andrew the GM: "There's a shade of Azure, with a little tiny girl in a little tiny dress and a little tiny dog."
Bob: "Oh, fuck."
[Bob takes a moment to absorb what's been happening.]
Bob: "Before anything unexpec-- anything else unexpected happens..."
[The Temple of Azure, where Zath is visiting, is under attack. There are ominous, rhythmic footsteps coming down the hallway.]
Bob: "I lean against the door."
Andrew the GM: "Do you close it and lock it?"
Julie: "What possible good could that do?"
[Remember that for most of the last year, Zath was carrying around a box called the Annulus, a super-powerful artefact that wound up destroying the Lich Queen's phylactery... and everything else within several miles of it.]
Zath: "I found another box."
[Zath opens the box, to discover a talking anthropomorphic weasel, who styles himself King of the Weasels.]
Zath: "Weasels? Unexpected."
King of the Weasels: "I get that a lot."
[It not about who you know, it's about who you can piss off in the process.]
Bob: "Great, I gained allies in weasels and enemies in elves."
[Just generally good advice.]
Eric: "You never give a potentially-extinction-causing artifact to one of Andrew's NPCs."
[We took an artifact called the Ebony Eyes from the dead illithid-Zath. When worn, they allow you to see how everyone will die.]
Neyrr: "Do you want to see how everyone dies?"
Zath: "That might not be a good idea. I wouldn't get anything done because I'd be too busy laughing all the time."
[We are finally introduced to the High Priest of Kord, who's tagline seems to be "Oooh, yeah!"]
Bob: "Today, the Priest of Kord will be played by the Kool-Aid pitcher."
[Recall that Gabriel Angelos, the solar angel who most recently took the position of mayor of Shelezar, is intimately linked with the blade that the Dol Mosh is corrupting.]
Dol Mosh: "The corruption of the blade is complete! A million solars shall weep!"
Julie: "Shelezar's gonna need a new mayor."
Andrew the GM: "Again."
[I sincerely hope this statement is never proven false.]
Eric: "I'm pretty sure creatures the size of mountains can't swarm."
[When you have to ask a question like this, the answer is implied.]
Tchort, God of Thieves and Destiny: "I'm Tchort. Would I lie?"
[Where some people see impossibilities, others see opportunity.]
Tchort: "You want me to steal something from the crazy god? Sounds like a challenge. I'll do it."
[We're trying to pin down the voice that boomed through the chamber we're in.]
Andrew the GM: "The voice is someone you know."
Adam: "It's unfortunate we know so many people."
[Azlo, the Dol Mosh, and his companions go to the Dread Realm to steal Azure's personal sky-ship.]
Dol Mosh: "This is so easy!"
Adam: "I knock wood, if there's any here."
Julie: "There's a death tree."
Eric: "It knocks back."
And that's it for this week! Next week, Lyanna attempts to take on the entire Dark Seraph's army, all by herself! It'll be epic! Come back then to see what crazy things will happen next time in the Voice of Doom!
[The game has lasted somewhat longer than Andrew the GM originally anticipated.]
Eric: "In five years, we'll get one of those table-top ipad tables. Sadly, it'll still be for this game."
[One of those existential questions for which we may never know the answer.]
Adam: "Why is everyone who shows up in Shelezar naked?"
[From the department of Lines I Never Thought I'd Hear...]
Adam: "I have a giant chicken! I keep forgetting about that!"
[The Dol Mosh prepares to complete the ritual whereby Azlo will join his dark brotherhood.]
Dol Mosh (to Azlo): "Hypothetically speaking, if you were to have a bunch of children sacrificed to you to culminate the ritual that marks your ascension to our brotherhood, what kind of children would they be?"
Julie: "Oh, c'mon, you know the answer to this."
[When it comes down to practicality vs. cinematics, cinematics are always gonna win.]
Eric: "Why would you not blow the door down?"
[Does everyone remember Suzie? She's the cutest little deathbringer in the multiverse!]
Andrew the GM: "There's a shade of Azure, with a little tiny girl in a little tiny dress and a little tiny dog."
Bob: "Oh, fuck."
[Bob takes a moment to absorb what's been happening.]
Bob: "Before anything unexpec-- anything else unexpected happens..."
[The Temple of Azure, where Zath is visiting, is under attack. There are ominous, rhythmic footsteps coming down the hallway.]
Bob: "I lean against the door."
Andrew the GM: "Do you close it and lock it?"
Julie: "What possible good could that do?"
[Remember that for most of the last year, Zath was carrying around a box called the Annulus, a super-powerful artefact that wound up destroying the Lich Queen's phylactery... and everything else within several miles of it.]
Zath: "I found another box."
[Zath opens the box, to discover a talking anthropomorphic weasel, who styles himself King of the Weasels.]
Zath: "Weasels? Unexpected."
King of the Weasels: "I get that a lot."
[It not about who you know, it's about who you can piss off in the process.]
Bob: "Great, I gained allies in weasels and enemies in elves."
[Just generally good advice.]
Eric: "You never give a potentially-extinction-causing artifact to one of Andrew's NPCs."
[We took an artifact called the Ebony Eyes from the dead illithid-Zath. When worn, they allow you to see how everyone will die.]
Neyrr: "Do you want to see how everyone dies?"
Zath: "That might not be a good idea. I wouldn't get anything done because I'd be too busy laughing all the time."
[We are finally introduced to the High Priest of Kord, who's tagline seems to be "Oooh, yeah!"]
Bob: "Today, the Priest of Kord will be played by the Kool-Aid pitcher."
[Recall that Gabriel Angelos, the solar angel who most recently took the position of mayor of Shelezar, is intimately linked with the blade that the Dol Mosh is corrupting.]
Dol Mosh: "The corruption of the blade is complete! A million solars shall weep!"
Julie: "Shelezar's gonna need a new mayor."
Andrew the GM: "Again."
[I sincerely hope this statement is never proven false.]
Eric: "I'm pretty sure creatures the size of mountains can't swarm."
[When you have to ask a question like this, the answer is implied.]
Tchort, God of Thieves and Destiny: "I'm Tchort. Would I lie?"
[Where some people see impossibilities, others see opportunity.]
Tchort: "You want me to steal something from the crazy god? Sounds like a challenge. I'll do it."
[We're trying to pin down the voice that boomed through the chamber we're in.]
Andrew the GM: "The voice is someone you know."
Adam: "It's unfortunate we know so many people."
[Azlo, the Dol Mosh, and his companions go to the Dread Realm to steal Azure's personal sky-ship.]
Dol Mosh: "This is so easy!"
Adam: "I knock wood, if there's any here."
Julie: "There's a death tree."
Eric: "It knocks back."
And that's it for this week! Next week, Lyanna attempts to take on the entire Dark Seraph's army, all by herself! It'll be epic! Come back then to see what crazy things will happen next time in the Voice of Doom!