URDR - Multiverse Defense
Episode 17. Our Heroes (tm) are called to be observers at a conference of monsters, convened to vote on whether the Great Old Ones should be invited to devour their world. But that’s only a secondary objective. Our first objective is to find a massive source of imponium, perhaps the most massive source there is. And the clock is ticking…
[The session begins with a meeting of Our Heroes (tm) and their erstwhile bosses, Bubeh Yachneh and Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde.]
Eric the GM: “They have a job for you, because they think you’re the only ones with a reasonable chance of surviving.”
[The Two explain that URDR has been invited to act as observers to a council of monsters of Night World, who will vote on whether or not to invite the Great Old Ones to devour their planet. Some details remain unexplained.]
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: “If someone was going to eat the planet, we don’t understand why they’d call for a vote on it first.”
[We come up with a suitable plan.]
Fox: “We’ll play it by ear, which is what we always do anyway.”
[In addition to the monsters, the council will also be attended by another observer, Garalaine Morgaustan.]
Anton: “What is the chance this is one giant trap set up by Morgaustan?”
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: “It’s possible.”
[We consider the possibility that this is one elaborate trap.]
Anton: “Ambushes we can handle. We’ve been ambushed so many times in the past. Honestly, an ambush may be the best possible outcome.”
[As we’re considering what we might face at the council.]
Fox: “It’s the anticipation that kills you, not the lasers.”
[Of course, there’s not only Morgaustan who could pose a problem to us.]
Yalia: “I’m keen to see who all these monsters are. I bet they’re nice!”
[Night World is an earth-analogue in roughly the early 21st century.]
Eric the GM: “It’s also Halloween on this world. And a full moon.”
Stuart: “My demon escorts are pumpkin men.”
[It’s always best to dress appropriately.]
Stuart: “What’s the dress code for the conference?”
Eric the GM: “Don’t wear large crosses.”
[We arrive on Night World, outside the Ravenspeak Mental Asylum. The image Eric the GM used to portray this was the Allan Memorial Institute in Montreal.]
Eric the GM: ”It’s literally the haunted asylum where I worked for five years.”
[We enter Ravenspeak Mental Assylum.]
Eric the GM: “Someone has gone to the trouble of photocopying the floor plan on what looks like papyrus.”
[We meet both the host, Nyarlathotep, representing the Great Old Ones, and the representatives of the various monster factions. Among them is SA-10, a cute-looking robot.]
Eric the GM: “I was going for something friendly and harmless-looking.”
Julie: “Clearly he’s the one that’s gonna kill us.”
[Nyarlathotep launches right into his pitch.]
Nyarlathotep: “I’ve invited you here because my colleagues would like to devour the planet.”
[We begin by socializing with some of the monsters, trying to determine which way they’re planning on voting. First up: Axcevent makes the acquaintance of Farrokh Krueger, representing the Nightmares.]
Axcevent: “Are you mortal?”
Farrokh Krueger: “I don’t know! I haven’t died… recently.”
[Farrokh Krueger is undecided on his vote.]
Farrokh Krueger: “I think it would be hilarious to see the world destroyed, but tremendously dull afterwards.”
[Anton speaks with Fergus Manchewer of the Tide, a race of orc-like humanoids.]
Anton: “So your people have lived distinct from humans?”
Fergus Manchewer: “Live distinct? Well… hunted, feasted. Potato, ax…”
[Fox speaks with Lady Arsenia of the Native Folk, aka the Faery.]
Fox: “Are your folk agreed on how to vote?”
Lady Arsenia: *laughs*
[Faeries have a unique perspective on the world.]
Fox: “How do you suppose the others will vote?”
Lady Arsenia: “The same as me, of course!”
[Meanwhile, we need to make progress on our primary objective: finding the imponium. Anton creates a divination spell that involves gummy bears marching to our objective.]
Stuart: “I’ll limit it to one mile because the gummy bears have really tiny legs.”
Sabina: “This is why Morgaustan never takes us seriously.”
[Indeed, the largest source of imponium in a one-mile radius turns out to be Morgaustan, who disables Anton’s divination spell by stepping on the gummy bears.]
Anton: “Sorry about that - sometimes my candy is a little too fresh.”
[In the aftermath of the unsuccessful spell…]
Anton: “Well, the scientific method has taught us… something.”
[We try to get a little more information out of our host.]
Nyarlathotep: “So much depends on this vote. So many people waiting on the response. Well… people.”
Axcevent: “Beings.”
[When dealing with ancient, powerful beings, there are always shades of interpretation.]
Nyarlathotep: “If they vote not to have the world destroyed, we shall not consume the world… tomorrow.”
[Whelg of the Subterranean Nations isn’t a very talkative sort.]
Whelg: “I’ll give you the short version so we can stop talking.”
[Yalia speaks with Lord Christopher of the Vampire Collective and is immediately charmed. Her attempts to break the enchantment fail until Christopher looks away.]
Julie: “Am I charmed?”
Eric the GM: “Not magically.”
[We make more overtures towards Nyarlathotep.]
Anton: “At the moment, we have no idea what we’re doing.”
Nyarlathotep: “That’s apparent.”
Anton: “We get that a lot.”
[Yalia is not one to beat around the bush.]
Yalia: “What my colleague means to ask is…”
Nyarlathotep: “Where is the imponium?”
Yalia: “Yes. Where is the imponium? Do you know?”
Nyarlathotep: “Yes!”
Yalia: “Will you tell us?”
Nyarlathotep: “No!”
[We approach round one of voting.]
Sabina: “I don’t think we ever asked what the rules of the vote were.”
Julie: “No, we didn’t.”
[The first round of voting is a tie, with five for, five against, and one abstention.]
Anton: “If we wanted to rig the vote, how would we do it?”
Fox: “No one ever said what would happen if the delegates started killing each other.”
[We consider how we can solve the problem of the world almost being destroyed.]
Anton: “We could send Yalia to another world, bring back a nuke…”
Yalia: “People get mad at me when I suggest stuff like that.”
[We contemplate the nuclear option.]
Eric the GM: “A nuclear bomb is actually one of the simplest solutions you could come up with at level 17.”
[Anton attempts to scry for the imponium stash with a range of the entire planet. He still fails.]
Anton: “It’s undetectable.”
Yalia: “Or not on the planet.”
[Time to talk to more delegates!]
Anton: “Who wants to take Baba Yaga? She’s probably less terrifying than ours.”
[Fox goes to speak with Baba Yaga.]
Eric the GM: “She looms over the buffet table, picking up huge handfuls and slamming them into her mouth. Sometimes she picks up a tablecloth or small dishes.”
Julie: “So, just like ours.”
[Baba Yaga represents the Witches and is not overly concerned with the world being destroyed.]
Fox: “Where will the Witches escape to?”
Baba Yaga: “Anywhere we wish. That is what it means to be strong.”
[Baba Yaga is upset that her people are not receiving tributes from the humans anymore.]
Fox: “What forms of tribute are traditional?”
Baba Yaga: “Children. Baked goods.”
[Axcevent goes back to talk to Farrokh Krueger to tell him to change his vote to not destroying the world.]
Eric the GM: “He smiles as you approach.”
Robert: “In a genuine way?”
Eric the GM: “No.”
[Farrokh Krueger is a jerk who absolutely refuses to respect Axcevent’s authority as Lord of Dreams.]
Sabina: “There are certain forms of language a king can’t abide. You have to kick his ass.”
[Anton speaks with Oskar of the Therianthrope Nations.]
Anton: “I’m surprised you voted to destroy this world.”
Oskar: “That’s because you know nothing of my people.”
[Anton makes his pitch not only to Oskar but to the leaders of the three main Therianthrope factions. For a while, it’s going well. Until it all falls apart.]
Eric the GM: “You almost had them.”
[Yalia and Fox realize that Whelg, though he said he would vote against the destruction of the world, was in fact enchanted to vote in the opposite direction. Yalia pulls out a scroll of break enchantment.]
Eric the GM: “Whelg is not built in a fashion to interpret reading something as threatening.”
[Yalia speaks with Lady Arsenia and suggests a bargain for the Lady to vote against the destruction of the planet.]
Eric the GM: “What do you want to bargain? This is literally the queen of faeries.”
[Anton has an idea.]
Anton: “If a good portion of this world is involved in defense against the Tide… That’s it!”
Fox: “Oh, no…”
[Anton’s idea is to have the Witches defend humanity against the Tide in exchange for tribute. It… does not go over well. Meanwhile, we have other problems.]
Anton: “The next entity that talks down to me, I’m blowing up.”
Yalia: “Maybe I’ll save you time and do it myself. Find Morgaustan.”
[Anton scrys for Morgaustan.]
Eric the GM: *shows image of the moon*
Yalia: “I told you!”
[Yes, it seems the entire moon is made of imponium, and Morgaustan wants to use it for his own purposes.]
Robert: “Killing Morgaustan would stop him.”
Stuart: “I don’t think we can.”
Julie: “Not that we don’t want to, but historically we’ve always failed.”
[We talk to our bosses to see if we can come up with a way to prevent Morgaustan from succeeding in his plan.]
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: “Is the moon alive and does it have eyes? We could get a really big medusa…”
[Anton has another idea.]
Anton: “I’m gonna nuke the plane.”
Axcevent: “Is this really how you react when people say things to you that you don’t like?”
[Yalia heads to Universe 42, the Vault of Stories, to speak to High Priest of Gun’Mora, Sa'ah the Coraculous.]
Sa’ah the Coraculous: “He’s going to steal a moon? Isn’t that usually the sort of thing that happens in cartoons?”
Yalia: “And yet, here we are.”
[Sa’ah is not able to offer much in terms of useable information.]
Fox: “We just have to think faster than Morgaustan for once.”
Yalia: (unconvinced) “Uh-huh.”
[We consider how we can stop Morgaustan.]
Axcevent: “Can we have warriors waiting for Morgaustan?”
Yalia: “Yes! Send the penguins to the moon!”
Eric the GM: “And this is where I realize the session has spiraled entirely out of my control.”
[It turns out Morgaustan has summoned a foe bigger than any of us: the Loch Nebula Monster. We need allies. We return to the council of monsters in the hopes that some of them will help us defeat Morgaustan.]
Delegate: “You want us to fight this thing?”
Yalia: “You want you to fight this thing.”
[We’re not coming up with any good ideas yet.]
Anton: “We need brilliance, and right now I can’t think beyond punching it. We need… a plan.”
[It turns out Queen Aura of the Ancient Dead can turn metal to sand. We bring her along with us to the moon.]
Eric the GM: “Congratulations! For most of you, this is the first time you’re standing on the moon.”
[We find Morgaustan in the midst of an elaborate ritual. Anton creates a miniature black hole in his chest.]
Eric the GM: “He screams and claws at his chest.”
Sabina: “I love it when he does that.”
[Yalia, meanwhile, uses dust of dryness on the liquid - probably blood - that is powering the ritual, breaking the circle.]
Eric the GM: “Morgaustan looks down, looks… *rolls* …terrified.”
[The ritual circle explodes.]
Eric the GM: “When the dust clears, there is no sign of Morgaustan, though there is an impressive crater beneath your feet.”
[Of course, a little thing like a black hole and a massive explosion is just a temporary setback for someone like Morgaustan.]
Sabina: “Do you think maybe he’s dead?”
Stuart and Robert: (immediately) “No.”
And that’s it for this time! Where shall Our Massively Overpowered Heroes (tm) go next time? Only Eric the GM knows for sure!
[The session begins with a meeting of Our Heroes (tm) and their erstwhile bosses, Bubeh Yachneh and Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde.]
Eric the GM: “They have a job for you, because they think you’re the only ones with a reasonable chance of surviving.”
[The Two explain that URDR has been invited to act as observers to a council of monsters of Night World, who will vote on whether or not to invite the Great Old Ones to devour their planet. Some details remain unexplained.]
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: “If someone was going to eat the planet, we don’t understand why they’d call for a vote on it first.”
[We come up with a suitable plan.]
Fox: “We’ll play it by ear, which is what we always do anyway.”
[In addition to the monsters, the council will also be attended by another observer, Garalaine Morgaustan.]
Anton: “What is the chance this is one giant trap set up by Morgaustan?”
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: “It’s possible.”
[We consider the possibility that this is one elaborate trap.]
Anton: “Ambushes we can handle. We’ve been ambushed so many times in the past. Honestly, an ambush may be the best possible outcome.”
[As we’re considering what we might face at the council.]
Fox: “It’s the anticipation that kills you, not the lasers.”
[Of course, there’s not only Morgaustan who could pose a problem to us.]
Yalia: “I’m keen to see who all these monsters are. I bet they’re nice!”
[Night World is an earth-analogue in roughly the early 21st century.]
Eric the GM: “It’s also Halloween on this world. And a full moon.”
Stuart: “My demon escorts are pumpkin men.”
[It’s always best to dress appropriately.]
Stuart: “What’s the dress code for the conference?”
Eric the GM: “Don’t wear large crosses.”
[We arrive on Night World, outside the Ravenspeak Mental Asylum. The image Eric the GM used to portray this was the Allan Memorial Institute in Montreal.]
Eric the GM: ”It’s literally the haunted asylum where I worked for five years.”
[We enter Ravenspeak Mental Assylum.]
Eric the GM: “Someone has gone to the trouble of photocopying the floor plan on what looks like papyrus.”
[We meet both the host, Nyarlathotep, representing the Great Old Ones, and the representatives of the various monster factions. Among them is SA-10, a cute-looking robot.]
Eric the GM: “I was going for something friendly and harmless-looking.”
Julie: “Clearly he’s the one that’s gonna kill us.”
[Nyarlathotep launches right into his pitch.]
Nyarlathotep: “I’ve invited you here because my colleagues would like to devour the planet.”
[We begin by socializing with some of the monsters, trying to determine which way they’re planning on voting. First up: Axcevent makes the acquaintance of Farrokh Krueger, representing the Nightmares.]
Axcevent: “Are you mortal?”
Farrokh Krueger: “I don’t know! I haven’t died… recently.”
[Farrokh Krueger is undecided on his vote.]
Farrokh Krueger: “I think it would be hilarious to see the world destroyed, but tremendously dull afterwards.”
[Anton speaks with Fergus Manchewer of the Tide, a race of orc-like humanoids.]
Anton: “So your people have lived distinct from humans?”
Fergus Manchewer: “Live distinct? Well… hunted, feasted. Potato, ax…”
[Fox speaks with Lady Arsenia of the Native Folk, aka the Faery.]
Fox: “Are your folk agreed on how to vote?”
Lady Arsenia: *laughs*
[Faeries have a unique perspective on the world.]
Fox: “How do you suppose the others will vote?”
Lady Arsenia: “The same as me, of course!”
[Meanwhile, we need to make progress on our primary objective: finding the imponium. Anton creates a divination spell that involves gummy bears marching to our objective.]
Stuart: “I’ll limit it to one mile because the gummy bears have really tiny legs.”
Sabina: “This is why Morgaustan never takes us seriously.”
[Indeed, the largest source of imponium in a one-mile radius turns out to be Morgaustan, who disables Anton’s divination spell by stepping on the gummy bears.]
Anton: “Sorry about that - sometimes my candy is a little too fresh.”
[In the aftermath of the unsuccessful spell…]
Anton: “Well, the scientific method has taught us… something.”
[We try to get a little more information out of our host.]
Nyarlathotep: “So much depends on this vote. So many people waiting on the response. Well… people.”
Axcevent: “Beings.”
[When dealing with ancient, powerful beings, there are always shades of interpretation.]
Nyarlathotep: “If they vote not to have the world destroyed, we shall not consume the world… tomorrow.”
[Whelg of the Subterranean Nations isn’t a very talkative sort.]
Whelg: “I’ll give you the short version so we can stop talking.”
[Yalia speaks with Lord Christopher of the Vampire Collective and is immediately charmed. Her attempts to break the enchantment fail until Christopher looks away.]
Julie: “Am I charmed?”
Eric the GM: “Not magically.”
[We make more overtures towards Nyarlathotep.]
Anton: “At the moment, we have no idea what we’re doing.”
Nyarlathotep: “That’s apparent.”
Anton: “We get that a lot.”
[Yalia is not one to beat around the bush.]
Yalia: “What my colleague means to ask is…”
Nyarlathotep: “Where is the imponium?”
Yalia: “Yes. Where is the imponium? Do you know?”
Nyarlathotep: “Yes!”
Yalia: “Will you tell us?”
Nyarlathotep: “No!”
[We approach round one of voting.]
Sabina: “I don’t think we ever asked what the rules of the vote were.”
Julie: “No, we didn’t.”
[The first round of voting is a tie, with five for, five against, and one abstention.]
Anton: “If we wanted to rig the vote, how would we do it?”
Fox: “No one ever said what would happen if the delegates started killing each other.”
[We consider how we can solve the problem of the world almost being destroyed.]
Anton: “We could send Yalia to another world, bring back a nuke…”
Yalia: “People get mad at me when I suggest stuff like that.”
[We contemplate the nuclear option.]
Eric the GM: “A nuclear bomb is actually one of the simplest solutions you could come up with at level 17.”
[Anton attempts to scry for the imponium stash with a range of the entire planet. He still fails.]
Anton: “It’s undetectable.”
Yalia: “Or not on the planet.”
[Time to talk to more delegates!]
Anton: “Who wants to take Baba Yaga? She’s probably less terrifying than ours.”
[Fox goes to speak with Baba Yaga.]
Eric the GM: “She looms over the buffet table, picking up huge handfuls and slamming them into her mouth. Sometimes she picks up a tablecloth or small dishes.”
Julie: “So, just like ours.”
[Baba Yaga represents the Witches and is not overly concerned with the world being destroyed.]
Fox: “Where will the Witches escape to?”
Baba Yaga: “Anywhere we wish. That is what it means to be strong.”
[Baba Yaga is upset that her people are not receiving tributes from the humans anymore.]
Fox: “What forms of tribute are traditional?”
Baba Yaga: “Children. Baked goods.”
[Axcevent goes back to talk to Farrokh Krueger to tell him to change his vote to not destroying the world.]
Eric the GM: “He smiles as you approach.”
Robert: “In a genuine way?”
Eric the GM: “No.”
[Farrokh Krueger is a jerk who absolutely refuses to respect Axcevent’s authority as Lord of Dreams.]
Sabina: “There are certain forms of language a king can’t abide. You have to kick his ass.”
[Anton speaks with Oskar of the Therianthrope Nations.]
Anton: “I’m surprised you voted to destroy this world.”
Oskar: “That’s because you know nothing of my people.”
[Anton makes his pitch not only to Oskar but to the leaders of the three main Therianthrope factions. For a while, it’s going well. Until it all falls apart.]
Eric the GM: “You almost had them.”
[Yalia and Fox realize that Whelg, though he said he would vote against the destruction of the world, was in fact enchanted to vote in the opposite direction. Yalia pulls out a scroll of break enchantment.]
Eric the GM: “Whelg is not built in a fashion to interpret reading something as threatening.”
[Yalia speaks with Lady Arsenia and suggests a bargain for the Lady to vote against the destruction of the planet.]
Eric the GM: “What do you want to bargain? This is literally the queen of faeries.”
[Anton has an idea.]
Anton: “If a good portion of this world is involved in defense against the Tide… That’s it!”
Fox: “Oh, no…”
[Anton’s idea is to have the Witches defend humanity against the Tide in exchange for tribute. It… does not go over well. Meanwhile, we have other problems.]
Anton: “The next entity that talks down to me, I’m blowing up.”
Yalia: “Maybe I’ll save you time and do it myself. Find Morgaustan.”
[Anton scrys for Morgaustan.]
Eric the GM: *shows image of the moon*
Yalia: “I told you!”
[Yes, it seems the entire moon is made of imponium, and Morgaustan wants to use it for his own purposes.]
Robert: “Killing Morgaustan would stop him.”
Stuart: “I don’t think we can.”
Julie: “Not that we don’t want to, but historically we’ve always failed.”
[We talk to our bosses to see if we can come up with a way to prevent Morgaustan from succeeding in his plan.]
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: “Is the moon alive and does it have eyes? We could get a really big medusa…”
[Anton has another idea.]
Anton: “I’m gonna nuke the plane.”
Axcevent: “Is this really how you react when people say things to you that you don’t like?”
[Yalia heads to Universe 42, the Vault of Stories, to speak to High Priest of Gun’Mora, Sa'ah the Coraculous.]
Sa’ah the Coraculous: “He’s going to steal a moon? Isn’t that usually the sort of thing that happens in cartoons?”
Yalia: “And yet, here we are.”
[Sa’ah is not able to offer much in terms of useable information.]
Fox: “We just have to think faster than Morgaustan for once.”
Yalia: (unconvinced) “Uh-huh.”
[We consider how we can stop Morgaustan.]
Axcevent: “Can we have warriors waiting for Morgaustan?”
Yalia: “Yes! Send the penguins to the moon!”
Eric the GM: “And this is where I realize the session has spiraled entirely out of my control.”
[It turns out Morgaustan has summoned a foe bigger than any of us: the Loch Nebula Monster. We need allies. We return to the council of monsters in the hopes that some of them will help us defeat Morgaustan.]
Delegate: “You want us to fight this thing?”
Yalia: “You want you to fight this thing.”
[We’re not coming up with any good ideas yet.]
Anton: “We need brilliance, and right now I can’t think beyond punching it. We need… a plan.”
[It turns out Queen Aura of the Ancient Dead can turn metal to sand. We bring her along with us to the moon.]
Eric the GM: “Congratulations! For most of you, this is the first time you’re standing on the moon.”
[We find Morgaustan in the midst of an elaborate ritual. Anton creates a miniature black hole in his chest.]
Eric the GM: “He screams and claws at his chest.”
Sabina: “I love it when he does that.”
[Yalia, meanwhile, uses dust of dryness on the liquid - probably blood - that is powering the ritual, breaking the circle.]
Eric the GM: “Morgaustan looks down, looks… *rolls* …terrified.”
[The ritual circle explodes.]
Eric the GM: “When the dust clears, there is no sign of Morgaustan, though there is an impressive crater beneath your feet.”
[Of course, a little thing like a black hole and a massive explosion is just a temporary setback for someone like Morgaustan.]
Sabina: “Do you think maybe he’s dead?”
Stuart and Robert: (immediately) “No.”
And that’s it for this time! Where shall Our Massively Overpowered Heroes (tm) go next time? Only Eric the GM knows for sure!