Buckle Those Swashes 2.0
This week's pressing question: Is it really cross-dressing if you've switched bodies? Yes, friends, the hunt for Grenselos, Living Rune of the Unbound, seems to have had a few unintended consequences. Unintended for everyone, really, including our GM, which is always interesting.
[With the conquest of Kirk, Our Heroes (tm) are permitted to claim their share of the spoils of war. Breanan claims the Avalonian embassy, including their vault.]
Kyn the GM: "The vault takes you a while to open."
Pat: "Can I blow it up?"
Kyn the GM: "...Never mind, it doesn't take long at all."
[Marietta, meanwhile, has claimed the jenny guild motherhouse. She has little trouble in enlisting a Vodacce ship to transport the goods back to her barony.]
Kyn the GM: "You're starting a courtesan school in Villanova province, with Vendel goods that you stole. It's the perfect slap in the face. The Vodacce are nothing if not petty."
Marc: "And poetic."
[A universal truth.]
Pat: "It's hard to figure out whose side Marietta is on."
Kyn the GM: "Her own side."
[Marietta has taken to keeping a bowl of water with her everywhere, in the hopes that Annie McGee will finally scry on her after two weeks of silence.]
Julie: "It's an eccentric quirk that everyone but Breanan is too polite to comment on."
[Marietta tries to convince Gérard to claim the Explorer's Society chapter house as his prize.]
Marietta: "You don't want anything dangerous that could be used against you to fall into the wrong hands."
Gérard: "There's an entire army here that's dangerous!"
Marietta: "Yes, and think of how much more dangerous they'd be with Syrenth artifacts!"
[The Explorer's Society chapter house has already been claimed by one of the Eisenfausts, so Gérard instead claims the manor of the head of the Vendel League, Master Val Mokk.]
Val Mokk: "So, you are the maggot who will enjoy this carcass?"
Gérard: "Enjoyment is too strong a word. They ask me to take something, so I take it."
Val Mokk: "Then it is truly wasted."
[Gérard has no interest in the spoils of war. Marietta tries to get him to think bigger.]
Marietta: "How much do you want the Musketeers revived?"
Gérard: "The Montaignais court does not lack for funds."
Kyn the GM: "Well, not anymore!"
[Because Gérard doesn't particularly want the spoils, he's offered Marietta 70% of everything valuable in the manor. They prepare to search the house together.]
Gérard: "Come on. If I'm going to feel guilty about taking this, I might as well enjoy it."
Kyn the GM: "Wow, you are so depressing!"
[Marietta and Gérard loot the manor house.]
Marc: "Gérard looks more morose than usual since the fall of Kirk."
Julie: "Marietta doesn't ask why. She's not interested in knowing why Gérard's upset."
Kyn the GM: "This time."
[The Wit of Montaigne shows up to speak with Marietta. She is less than impressed by Gérard's morose countenance, and tells him so. Sharply.]
Breanan: "What did you ever do to her?"
Gérard: "Saved her life! And I'm beginning to regret it!"
[Marietta and the Wit go off to speak privately. Gérard can't help but get in a last quip... after a manner of speaking.]
Kyn the GM: "So you made sure the door was closed before you flipped her the bird?"
Marc: "Yes."
Kyn the GM: "Very brave."
[The Wit has revealed to Marietta that Annie took a blooded item with her when she went away, so that the Wit and Marietta could follow her if anything happened. She also gave strict instructions that they were not to follow her unless she asked them to.]
Marietta/Julie: "I think we should go, and I think we should take the boys with us, if only for meta-game purposes of not splitting the party."
Kyn the GM: "Exactly."
[Gérard wants to know if there's anything in the manor that would help him with his swordsman school.]
Wit of Montaigne: "There's nothing that would benefit the Gelingen, unless your definition of 'thrust' is different."
Marietta: "Or 'monster.'"
[Gérard and the Wit are not getting off to a good start.]
Gérard: "Madame, please take no offense when I say this, but--"
Wit of Montaigne: "You know, every time someone says that..."
[We travel through the porté portal with the Wit to find Annie. Sadly, things start getting a bit... unusual.]
Breanan: "Are you feeling blood?"
Wit of Montaigne: "Yes. I'm hoping it's not mine."
[We reach a part of the porté portal that feels different. There aren't any whispers or voices, or in fact any sound at all. Except that Marietta can hear Annie.]
Marietta: "Do you have food? Can you survive?"
Annie McGee: "...I'm fine!"
[Annie tries to get Marietta to leave.]
Marietta: "Tell me truthfully that you want me to leave, and I'm leave."
Annie McGee: "..."
Marietta: "That's it! I'm staying!"
[Marietta does the unthinkable: opens her eyes inside a porté portal. She and Gérard, who was behind her, find themselves in a meadow... in each other's bodies.]
Marietta: "Well, this hasn't happened to me in at least a month."
[Of course, if Marietta's in Gérard's body, it means he's in hers.]
Kyn the GM: "That is one tight, tight bottom."
Gérard: "...That's not mine."
[Marietta checks to see whether their strands are the same as they were before, and discovers that they have no strands at all.]
Marietta: "All right, we may be dead."
[Gérard is a smoker. Marietta is not. However, since she's in Gérard's body, she takes a drag automatically.]
Marietta: "That's disgusting."
Kyn the GM: "Actually, it's very smooth."
Marietta: "...It's less disgusting."
[Gérard paces back and forth in the meadow in bare feet, having completely failed to master walking in high heels.]
Kyn the GM: "He's tearing your stockings."
Julie: "I have others. It's the least of my worries right now."
[Gérard and Marietta are discovering that they've inherited more than each other's bodies. They've also inherited each other's skills.]
Marietta: "Annie contacted me by... letter."
Gérard: "Wait a second, you're lying through your teeth!"
[Gérard is curious. And in Marietta's body.]
Gérard: "How do you contact her?"
Marietta: *says nothing*
Marc: "I seduce her."
[Gérard easily succeeds in seducing Marietta. Which leads to a bit of a lopsided impression.]
Gérard: "This is strange."
Marietta: "Oh, I'm good!"
[Gérard continues the seduction.]
Marietta: "We could keep going, but I'm not certain you'd like that. Have you ever had sex from the woman's side before?"
[A summary of Gérard's impression of sex from the woman's side.]
Julie: (as Gérard) "This isn't like being anally raped at all!"
[Marietta and Gérard have sex.]
Kyn the GM: (to Marc) "Holy shit! That's what an orgasm is!"
Gérard: "That's just not fair!"
[Gérard starts writing notes on his experiences.]
Kyn the GM: "You're writing in Vodacce."
Gérard: "I have no idea what this means!"
[Kyn the GM reflects on what he's just witnessed.]
Kyn the GM: "So fucked up."
Julie: "It's your own fault -- you set up this situation."
Kyn the GM: "I need to stop doing this to myself!"
[Gérard succeeded in seducing Marietta enough for her to spill the beans about the Daughters of Sophia.]
Julie: "Marietta's first thought when she comes back is gonna be, 'Shit, now I'm gonna have to kill Gérard.'"
[Gérard has also realized that Marietta will likely need to kill him, and contemplates killing her first.]
Marc: "He doesn't want to kill Marietta."
Julie: "And she doesn't want to kill you."
Pat: "Ah, friendship."
[Alas, sex can't be the totality of Marietta's and Gérard's adventure. They still need to find Annie.]
Gérard: "Which way do you feel she is?"
Marietta: "...All right, we're in a place where Breanan rules may apply."
[Marietta follows the Annie's pull until they come to a portal between worlds.]
Gérard: "Wait, we're alive? We're in Thea?"
Marietta: "Yes."
Gérard: "But I'm still you!"
[Meanwhile, Breanan and the Wit have returned to the real world. Breanan decides he needs to put all his cards on the table.]
Breanan: "Marietta works for people. They're secret, and they have an Oracle."
[Little does Breanan know that the Wit is also a member of the same secret society. However, she's just an initiate and hasn't been told most of the secrets yet. She learns fast, though.]
Wit of Montaigne: "This secret society has an Oracle?"
Breanan: "Yes."
Julie: "Does she know about the Oracle?"
Kyn the GM: "No."
[The Wit listens to everything Breanan says with great interest, and then decides to play things his way.]
Wit of Montaigne: "All right, I'll go consult my feminine wiles."
[The Wit brings Breanan to one of the Handmaidens.]
Wit of Montaigne: "This is Breanan. Is there something you're not telling me?"
[The Wit of Montaigne has brought Breanan before the Handmaidens' Council.]
Handmaiden of Montaigne: "Why is it always you!?"
Breanan: "They always say that."
[The Handmaidens question Breanan. In front of the Wit.]
Kyn the GM: "The Wit just went up so many levels."
Julie: "In fairness, that's how Marietta advanced also."
[Breanan knows a lot more about the Daughters of Sophia than he has any right to know.]
Handmaiden of Montaigne: "How do you know this?"
Breanan: "Vivianne."
Handmaiden of Montaigne: "Ah."
Julie: "And suddenly all the pieces click into place."
[Breanan and the Wit travel to Bryn Bresail to try to find Marietta and Gérard.]
Wit of Montaigne: "You know, as a child I'd always wished that an elven prince would--"
Breanan: (panicked) "Shh!"
[Naturally, Breanan is greeted by Puck.]
Puck: (to the Wit) "Oh, I know who you are."
Breanan: "No, it's not her! It's... someone else!"
Puck: "I've always wanted to test myself against the best the humans have to offer." *rolls up sleeves*
Kyn the GM: "He wasn't actually wearing a long-sleeved shirt before."
Marc: "He is now!"
[The Wit and Puck have a battle of wits. The Wit wins, appropriately.]
Kyn the GM: "You bear witness: someone has outwitted Puck."
Marc: "And now the worry begins."
Kyn the GM: "He smiles. It is not a pleasant smile."
[Breanan reflects on Puck's loss.]
Breanan: "You're gonna get back at me, aren't you?"
Puck: "No! I'm going to repay you for this great gift!"
Breanan: (panicked) "No, I don't want it!"
[The question, of course, is how to find Gérard and Marietta. Breanan picks up a stick and lets it falls, then starts walking in the direction it landed.]
Wit of Montaigne: "Really?!"
Breanan: "You just defeated Puck with your wits; don't undermine my methods."
Wit of Montaigne: "The worst thing is he sounds so confident."
[Knowing you're walking in the right direction does not necessarily help if you don't know how far you need to travel.]
Wit of Montaigne: "How long did it take you last time?"
Breanan: "A hundred years."
Wit of Montaigne: "You do realize I'm mortal?"
Breanan: "Well, let's hope it takes less than a hundred years this time."
Wit of Montaigne: "That's your great plan?!"
[The Wit and Breanan pass from one 'land of in between' to another: Matushka's realm.]
Breanan: "Well, let's go ask Matushka."
Wit of Montaigne: "I'm sorry, who?"
[There are a few small issues to discuss if they're actually going to speak with Matushka.]
Breanan: "Do you know your alliances?"
Wit of Montaigne: "...Yes."
Breanan: "Good! Then you won't burn in the wall."
Wit of Montaigne: "I'm sorry, is there someone else we can ask?"
[There is indeed.]
Kyn the GM: "Remember, there's someone else you can ask."
Pat: "Eh, Cat's on the way."
[Breanan kills the first guardian of Matushka, Bear.]
Breanan: "We've got an hour before it reemerges."
Wit of Montaigne: "You just killed it!"
Breanan: "It never stays dead. We've killed it three or four times."
Wit of Montaigne: "Poor Bear! Maybe it's angry because you keep killing it! Did you ever think of offering it food?!"
[Breanan and the Wit make it as far as Cat.]
Cat: "Why should I tell you?"
Breanan: "For old times' sake?"
[The Wit has been traveling with Breanan for some time.]
Wit of Montaigne: "I have to apologize to Gérard. I now understand why he's in the state he is."
Breanan: "He's just moody and brooding!"
Wit of Montaigne: "Yes, that's because of you."
[The Wit reflects on Breanan.]
Wit of Montaigne: "I don't think you can help being an idiot. I think it's fate."
[Cat whispers something in Breanan's ear.]
Wit of Montaigne: "So, did he tell you where we can find Marietta?"
Breanan: "Who cares about them?! ...I mean, what?"
[Breanan and the Wit approach the firewall, and within it, Firebird.]
Firebird: "Are you ready to be tested?"
Breanan: "I've been tested many times."
Firebird: "And you've failed."
[Breanan steps into the firewall.]
Firebird: "Where does your loyalty lie?"
Pat: "He loves asking that."
Marc: "It's a test of loyalty!"
[Breanan and the Wit both pass through the firewall.]
Wit of Montaigne: "I'm in Cathay?"
Breanan: "Yes. You may use porté now."
Marc: "But do it quickly, because you know the Emperor's opinion of porté."
[The Wit opens a portal away from Cathay.]
Breanan: "There's good news and bad news."
Wit of Montaigne: "Let me guess -- the bad news is that I'm not welcome in Cathay anymore?"
Breanan: "No, the bad news is that the portal's been closed from the other side."
[Breanan and the Wit return to the place they were before, at the odd section of the portal.]
Breanan: "Do you trust me?"
Wit of Montaigne: "No!"
[Breanan and the Wit open their eyes and find themselves in the meadow. In each others' bodies.]
Breanan: "You're so fat!"
Wit of Montaigne: "Well, you're a poo-poo head! ...Oh, my God! I'm stupid!"
[Breanan uses his newfound flair for words to insult the Wit, who is now in his body.]
Breanan: "Wait, I'm making myself cry. I feel bad."
[Time for a do-over?]
Breanan: "Wow, it's hot!" *undoes the top of his dress*
Wit of Montaigne: "...Well, this is awkward."
[The Wit and Breanan, after some misadventures, finally meet up with Gérard and Marietta.]
Wit of Montaigne: "I'm so stupid!"
Marietta: "Believe me, I feel your pain."
Gérard: "Are you calling me stupid?"
Marietta: "Yes."
[Everyone is getting tired of the body exchange.]
Gérard: "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting very tired of perfect breasts."
[We finally find Annie in yet another 'in between' world, this one in the middle of a forest. After working out the initial confusion, Marietta and Annie go off into the forest together.]
Marietta: "We need to find some contraceptive herbs and slip them to Gérard."
Annie McGee: "Did you..."
Marietta: *blushing* "Yes."
[Grenselos, Living Rune of the Unbound, returns. He is ready to die, but no one can get close enough to kill him.]
Breanan: "Annie, give him the blooded stone."
Annie McGee: "Oh! I was gonna say that's impressive for Breanan, but it's not really your mind."
[As payment for ending his life, Grenselos gets us all back in our own bodies.]
Kyn the GM: (to Breanan) "It's sad. Things made so much sense."
[We kill Grenselos by having the Wit open a portal just as Grenselos steps forward, and Breanan delivers one fell stroke. We take his relic, a staff that allows a person to walk as quickly as a horse gallops.]
Gérard: "You... mean I never need to ride a horse again!"
[Breanan tells Marietta about his meeting with the Handmaidens' Council.]
Breanan: "You, I understand you've done great things. But why Annie?! What did she do?"
Marietta: "Sixty years, Breanan!"
Breanan: "Oh! It all makes sense now!"
[Breanan may have special dispensation to know about the Daughters of Sophia without being killed, but Gérard has no such luck. However, instead of killing him, Marietta and Annie have found a potion that would erase a week's worth of memories. They haven't had a chance to slip it to Gérard yet, though.]
Marc: "I go to the Eisenfaust council to see Pösen."
Kyn the GM: "You're in luck: she's there."
Julie: "Oh, shit! He's gonna forget this!"
Kyn the GM: "...Okay, that's just too mean. She's not there."
[Marietta presents the potion to Gérard, who is almost ready to believe her... until he realizes that someone is in a corner, cranking a Syrenth cannon at him.]
Julie: "Oh, Annie, you should have let me do this myself."
Kyn the GM: "Would you have let her walk in alone?"
Julie: "...No."
[Annie and Gérard have Words (tm).]
Annie McGee: "I was planning on having you be the godfather, but right now I'm thinking of Breanan. That's how desperate you're making me!"
Gérard: "...That's pretty desperate."
[Gérard finally agrees to drink the potion, which Marietta and Annie have worked very hard to convince him is not poison.]
Marc: "Gérard takes a cautious step forward..."
Pat: "There is something seriously wrong with this group."
[Gérard takes the potion and passes out. Marietta, Annie, and Breanan bring him up to his room and put him in bed.]
Kyn the GM: "You wake up. Breanan is undressing you."
Gérard: "Never do that again!"
[Before Breanan has a chance to mess things up, Annie takes him out of the room and throws him down the stairs.]
Breanan: "What happened?"
Annie McGee: "Percy threw you down the stairs."
[Gérard and Marietta have naturally also heard the clamor of Breanan being thrown down the stairs.]
Gérard: "What was that?"
Marietta: "That was Annie throwing Breanan down the stairs -- what do you think it was?"
Gérard: "Just checking."
[Having placated Gérard about his missing memories, we bring Breanan back into the conversation.]
Breanan: "Okay, we need to deal with the frog in the room."
Everyone Else: "...What?"
[Breanan is upset at everyone's tendency to want to kill each other -- or at least to be open to the possibility.]
Breanan: "Would you be capable of killing me?"
Annie McGee: "No, you're better than me."
Breanan: "But if you had the chance? If I came between you and Marietta?"
Annie McGee: "You'd die."
[Breanan wants us all to be best buddies forever.]
Breanan: "I love everyone equally."
Annie McGee: "That's a crock. Valentino?"
Breanan: "...Except for him."
[Gérard finally gets a chance to speak to Eisenfaust Pösen.]
Gérard: "I would like to know you better. I will leave now, but I will return... probably. And then, if you wish to kill me, I will be here."
Pat: "It's the perfect proposal!"
And that's it for now. There's not gonna be any Buckle Those Swashes for a few weeks, but next time we're hopefully on our way to Ussura and the third tower. See you then!
[With the conquest of Kirk, Our Heroes (tm) are permitted to claim their share of the spoils of war. Breanan claims the Avalonian embassy, including their vault.]
Kyn the GM: "The vault takes you a while to open."
Pat: "Can I blow it up?"
Kyn the GM: "...Never mind, it doesn't take long at all."
[Marietta, meanwhile, has claimed the jenny guild motherhouse. She has little trouble in enlisting a Vodacce ship to transport the goods back to her barony.]
Kyn the GM: "You're starting a courtesan school in Villanova province, with Vendel goods that you stole. It's the perfect slap in the face. The Vodacce are nothing if not petty."
Marc: "And poetic."
[A universal truth.]
Pat: "It's hard to figure out whose side Marietta is on."
Kyn the GM: "Her own side."
[Marietta has taken to keeping a bowl of water with her everywhere, in the hopes that Annie McGee will finally scry on her after two weeks of silence.]
Julie: "It's an eccentric quirk that everyone but Breanan is too polite to comment on."
[Marietta tries to convince Gérard to claim the Explorer's Society chapter house as his prize.]
Marietta: "You don't want anything dangerous that could be used against you to fall into the wrong hands."
Gérard: "There's an entire army here that's dangerous!"
Marietta: "Yes, and think of how much more dangerous they'd be with Syrenth artifacts!"
[The Explorer's Society chapter house has already been claimed by one of the Eisenfausts, so Gérard instead claims the manor of the head of the Vendel League, Master Val Mokk.]
Val Mokk: "So, you are the maggot who will enjoy this carcass?"
Gérard: "Enjoyment is too strong a word. They ask me to take something, so I take it."
Val Mokk: "Then it is truly wasted."
[Gérard has no interest in the spoils of war. Marietta tries to get him to think bigger.]
Marietta: "How much do you want the Musketeers revived?"
Gérard: "The Montaignais court does not lack for funds."
Kyn the GM: "Well, not anymore!"
[Because Gérard doesn't particularly want the spoils, he's offered Marietta 70% of everything valuable in the manor. They prepare to search the house together.]
Gérard: "Come on. If I'm going to feel guilty about taking this, I might as well enjoy it."
Kyn the GM: "Wow, you are so depressing!"
[Marietta and Gérard loot the manor house.]
Marc: "Gérard looks more morose than usual since the fall of Kirk."
Julie: "Marietta doesn't ask why. She's not interested in knowing why Gérard's upset."
Kyn the GM: "This time."
[The Wit of Montaigne shows up to speak with Marietta. She is less than impressed by Gérard's morose countenance, and tells him so. Sharply.]
Breanan: "What did you ever do to her?"
Gérard: "Saved her life! And I'm beginning to regret it!"
[Marietta and the Wit go off to speak privately. Gérard can't help but get in a last quip... after a manner of speaking.]
Kyn the GM: "So you made sure the door was closed before you flipped her the bird?"
Marc: "Yes."
Kyn the GM: "Very brave."
[The Wit has revealed to Marietta that Annie took a blooded item with her when she went away, so that the Wit and Marietta could follow her if anything happened. She also gave strict instructions that they were not to follow her unless she asked them to.]
Marietta/Julie: "I think we should go, and I think we should take the boys with us, if only for meta-game purposes of not splitting the party."
Kyn the GM: "Exactly."
[Gérard wants to know if there's anything in the manor that would help him with his swordsman school.]
Wit of Montaigne: "There's nothing that would benefit the Gelingen, unless your definition of 'thrust' is different."
Marietta: "Or 'monster.'"
[Gérard and the Wit are not getting off to a good start.]
Gérard: "Madame, please take no offense when I say this, but--"
Wit of Montaigne: "You know, every time someone says that..."
[We travel through the porté portal with the Wit to find Annie. Sadly, things start getting a bit... unusual.]
Breanan: "Are you feeling blood?"
Wit of Montaigne: "Yes. I'm hoping it's not mine."
[We reach a part of the porté portal that feels different. There aren't any whispers or voices, or in fact any sound at all. Except that Marietta can hear Annie.]
Marietta: "Do you have food? Can you survive?"
Annie McGee: "...I'm fine!"
[Annie tries to get Marietta to leave.]
Marietta: "Tell me truthfully that you want me to leave, and I'm leave."
Annie McGee: "..."
Marietta: "That's it! I'm staying!"
[Marietta does the unthinkable: opens her eyes inside a porté portal. She and Gérard, who was behind her, find themselves in a meadow... in each other's bodies.]
Marietta: "Well, this hasn't happened to me in at least a month."
[Of course, if Marietta's in Gérard's body, it means he's in hers.]
Kyn the GM: "That is one tight, tight bottom."
Gérard: "...That's not mine."
[Marietta checks to see whether their strands are the same as they were before, and discovers that they have no strands at all.]
Marietta: "All right, we may be dead."
[Gérard is a smoker. Marietta is not. However, since she's in Gérard's body, she takes a drag automatically.]
Marietta: "That's disgusting."
Kyn the GM: "Actually, it's very smooth."
Marietta: "...It's less disgusting."
[Gérard paces back and forth in the meadow in bare feet, having completely failed to master walking in high heels.]
Kyn the GM: "He's tearing your stockings."
Julie: "I have others. It's the least of my worries right now."
[Gérard and Marietta are discovering that they've inherited more than each other's bodies. They've also inherited each other's skills.]
Marietta: "Annie contacted me by... letter."
Gérard: "Wait a second, you're lying through your teeth!"
[Gérard is curious. And in Marietta's body.]
Gérard: "How do you contact her?"
Marietta: *says nothing*
Marc: "I seduce her."
[Gérard easily succeeds in seducing Marietta. Which leads to a bit of a lopsided impression.]
Gérard: "This is strange."
Marietta: "Oh, I'm good!"
[Gérard continues the seduction.]
Marietta: "We could keep going, but I'm not certain you'd like that. Have you ever had sex from the woman's side before?"
[A summary of Gérard's impression of sex from the woman's side.]
Julie: (as Gérard) "This isn't like being anally raped at all!"
[Marietta and Gérard have sex.]
Kyn the GM: (to Marc) "Holy shit! That's what an orgasm is!"
Gérard: "That's just not fair!"
[Gérard starts writing notes on his experiences.]
Kyn the GM: "You're writing in Vodacce."
Gérard: "I have no idea what this means!"
[Kyn the GM reflects on what he's just witnessed.]
Kyn the GM: "So fucked up."
Julie: "It's your own fault -- you set up this situation."
Kyn the GM: "I need to stop doing this to myself!"
[Gérard succeeded in seducing Marietta enough for her to spill the beans about the Daughters of Sophia.]
Julie: "Marietta's first thought when she comes back is gonna be, 'Shit, now I'm gonna have to kill Gérard.'"
[Gérard has also realized that Marietta will likely need to kill him, and contemplates killing her first.]
Marc: "He doesn't want to kill Marietta."
Julie: "And she doesn't want to kill you."
Pat: "Ah, friendship."
[Alas, sex can't be the totality of Marietta's and Gérard's adventure. They still need to find Annie.]
Gérard: "Which way do you feel she is?"
Marietta: "...All right, we're in a place where Breanan rules may apply."
[Marietta follows the Annie's pull until they come to a portal between worlds.]
Gérard: "Wait, we're alive? We're in Thea?"
Marietta: "Yes."
Gérard: "But I'm still you!"
[Meanwhile, Breanan and the Wit have returned to the real world. Breanan decides he needs to put all his cards on the table.]
Breanan: "Marietta works for people. They're secret, and they have an Oracle."
[Little does Breanan know that the Wit is also a member of the same secret society. However, she's just an initiate and hasn't been told most of the secrets yet. She learns fast, though.]
Wit of Montaigne: "This secret society has an Oracle?"
Breanan: "Yes."
Julie: "Does she know about the Oracle?"
Kyn the GM: "No."
[The Wit listens to everything Breanan says with great interest, and then decides to play things his way.]
Wit of Montaigne: "All right, I'll go consult my feminine wiles."
[The Wit brings Breanan to one of the Handmaidens.]
Wit of Montaigne: "This is Breanan. Is there something you're not telling me?"
[The Wit of Montaigne has brought Breanan before the Handmaidens' Council.]
Handmaiden of Montaigne: "Why is it always you!?"
Breanan: "They always say that."
[The Handmaidens question Breanan. In front of the Wit.]
Kyn the GM: "The Wit just went up so many levels."
Julie: "In fairness, that's how Marietta advanced also."
[Breanan knows a lot more about the Daughters of Sophia than he has any right to know.]
Handmaiden of Montaigne: "How do you know this?"
Breanan: "Vivianne."
Handmaiden of Montaigne: "Ah."
Julie: "And suddenly all the pieces click into place."
[Breanan and the Wit travel to Bryn Bresail to try to find Marietta and Gérard.]
Wit of Montaigne: "You know, as a child I'd always wished that an elven prince would--"
Breanan: (panicked) "Shh!"
[Naturally, Breanan is greeted by Puck.]
Puck: (to the Wit) "Oh, I know who you are."
Breanan: "No, it's not her! It's... someone else!"
Puck: "I've always wanted to test myself against the best the humans have to offer." *rolls up sleeves*
Kyn the GM: "He wasn't actually wearing a long-sleeved shirt before."
Marc: "He is now!"
[The Wit and Puck have a battle of wits. The Wit wins, appropriately.]
Kyn the GM: "You bear witness: someone has outwitted Puck."
Marc: "And now the worry begins."
Kyn the GM: "He smiles. It is not a pleasant smile."
[Breanan reflects on Puck's loss.]
Breanan: "You're gonna get back at me, aren't you?"
Puck: "No! I'm going to repay you for this great gift!"
Breanan: (panicked) "No, I don't want it!"
[The question, of course, is how to find Gérard and Marietta. Breanan picks up a stick and lets it falls, then starts walking in the direction it landed.]
Wit of Montaigne: "Really?!"
Breanan: "You just defeated Puck with your wits; don't undermine my methods."
Wit of Montaigne: "The worst thing is he sounds so confident."
[Knowing you're walking in the right direction does not necessarily help if you don't know how far you need to travel.]
Wit of Montaigne: "How long did it take you last time?"
Breanan: "A hundred years."
Wit of Montaigne: "You do realize I'm mortal?"
Breanan: "Well, let's hope it takes less than a hundred years this time."
Wit of Montaigne: "That's your great plan?!"
[The Wit and Breanan pass from one 'land of in between' to another: Matushka's realm.]
Breanan: "Well, let's go ask Matushka."
Wit of Montaigne: "I'm sorry, who?"
[There are a few small issues to discuss if they're actually going to speak with Matushka.]
Breanan: "Do you know your alliances?"
Wit of Montaigne: "...Yes."
Breanan: "Good! Then you won't burn in the wall."
Wit of Montaigne: "I'm sorry, is there someone else we can ask?"
[There is indeed.]
Kyn the GM: "Remember, there's someone else you can ask."
Pat: "Eh, Cat's on the way."
[Breanan kills the first guardian of Matushka, Bear.]
Breanan: "We've got an hour before it reemerges."
Wit of Montaigne: "You just killed it!"
Breanan: "It never stays dead. We've killed it three or four times."
Wit of Montaigne: "Poor Bear! Maybe it's angry because you keep killing it! Did you ever think of offering it food?!"
[Breanan and the Wit make it as far as Cat.]
Cat: "Why should I tell you?"
Breanan: "For old times' sake?"
[The Wit has been traveling with Breanan for some time.]
Wit of Montaigne: "I have to apologize to Gérard. I now understand why he's in the state he is."
Breanan: "He's just moody and brooding!"
Wit of Montaigne: "Yes, that's because of you."
[The Wit reflects on Breanan.]
Wit of Montaigne: "I don't think you can help being an idiot. I think it's fate."
[Cat whispers something in Breanan's ear.]
Wit of Montaigne: "So, did he tell you where we can find Marietta?"
Breanan: "Who cares about them?! ...I mean, what?"
[Breanan and the Wit approach the firewall, and within it, Firebird.]
Firebird: "Are you ready to be tested?"
Breanan: "I've been tested many times."
Firebird: "And you've failed."
[Breanan steps into the firewall.]
Firebird: "Where does your loyalty lie?"
Pat: "He loves asking that."
Marc: "It's a test of loyalty!"
[Breanan and the Wit both pass through the firewall.]
Wit of Montaigne: "I'm in Cathay?"
Breanan: "Yes. You may use porté now."
Marc: "But do it quickly, because you know the Emperor's opinion of porté."
[The Wit opens a portal away from Cathay.]
Breanan: "There's good news and bad news."
Wit of Montaigne: "Let me guess -- the bad news is that I'm not welcome in Cathay anymore?"
Breanan: "No, the bad news is that the portal's been closed from the other side."
[Breanan and the Wit return to the place they were before, at the odd section of the portal.]
Breanan: "Do you trust me?"
Wit of Montaigne: "No!"
[Breanan and the Wit open their eyes and find themselves in the meadow. In each others' bodies.]
Breanan: "You're so fat!"
Wit of Montaigne: "Well, you're a poo-poo head! ...Oh, my God! I'm stupid!"
[Breanan uses his newfound flair for words to insult the Wit, who is now in his body.]
Breanan: "Wait, I'm making myself cry. I feel bad."
[Time for a do-over?]
Breanan: "Wow, it's hot!" *undoes the top of his dress*
Wit of Montaigne: "...Well, this is awkward."
[The Wit and Breanan, after some misadventures, finally meet up with Gérard and Marietta.]
Wit of Montaigne: "I'm so stupid!"
Marietta: "Believe me, I feel your pain."
Gérard: "Are you calling me stupid?"
Marietta: "Yes."
[Everyone is getting tired of the body exchange.]
Gérard: "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting very tired of perfect breasts."
[We finally find Annie in yet another 'in between' world, this one in the middle of a forest. After working out the initial confusion, Marietta and Annie go off into the forest together.]
Marietta: "We need to find some contraceptive herbs and slip them to Gérard."
Annie McGee: "Did you..."
Marietta: *blushing* "Yes."
[Grenselos, Living Rune of the Unbound, returns. He is ready to die, but no one can get close enough to kill him.]
Breanan: "Annie, give him the blooded stone."
Annie McGee: "Oh! I was gonna say that's impressive for Breanan, but it's not really your mind."
[As payment for ending his life, Grenselos gets us all back in our own bodies.]
Kyn the GM: (to Breanan) "It's sad. Things made so much sense."
[We kill Grenselos by having the Wit open a portal just as Grenselos steps forward, and Breanan delivers one fell stroke. We take his relic, a staff that allows a person to walk as quickly as a horse gallops.]
Gérard: "You... mean I never need to ride a horse again!"
[Breanan tells Marietta about his meeting with the Handmaidens' Council.]
Breanan: "You, I understand you've done great things. But why Annie?! What did she do?"
Marietta: "Sixty years, Breanan!"
Breanan: "Oh! It all makes sense now!"
[Breanan may have special dispensation to know about the Daughters of Sophia without being killed, but Gérard has no such luck. However, instead of killing him, Marietta and Annie have found a potion that would erase a week's worth of memories. They haven't had a chance to slip it to Gérard yet, though.]
Marc: "I go to the Eisenfaust council to see Pösen."
Kyn the GM: "You're in luck: she's there."
Julie: "Oh, shit! He's gonna forget this!"
Kyn the GM: "...Okay, that's just too mean. She's not there."
[Marietta presents the potion to Gérard, who is almost ready to believe her... until he realizes that someone is in a corner, cranking a Syrenth cannon at him.]
Julie: "Oh, Annie, you should have let me do this myself."
Kyn the GM: "Would you have let her walk in alone?"
Julie: "...No."
[Annie and Gérard have Words (tm).]
Annie McGee: "I was planning on having you be the godfather, but right now I'm thinking of Breanan. That's how desperate you're making me!"
Gérard: "...That's pretty desperate."
[Gérard finally agrees to drink the potion, which Marietta and Annie have worked very hard to convince him is not poison.]
Marc: "Gérard takes a cautious step forward..."
Pat: "There is something seriously wrong with this group."
[Gérard takes the potion and passes out. Marietta, Annie, and Breanan bring him up to his room and put him in bed.]
Kyn the GM: "You wake up. Breanan is undressing you."
Gérard: "Never do that again!"
[Before Breanan has a chance to mess things up, Annie takes him out of the room and throws him down the stairs.]
Breanan: "What happened?"
Annie McGee: "Percy threw you down the stairs."
[Gérard and Marietta have naturally also heard the clamor of Breanan being thrown down the stairs.]
Gérard: "What was that?"
Marietta: "That was Annie throwing Breanan down the stairs -- what do you think it was?"
Gérard: "Just checking."
[Having placated Gérard about his missing memories, we bring Breanan back into the conversation.]
Breanan: "Okay, we need to deal with the frog in the room."
Everyone Else: "...What?"
[Breanan is upset at everyone's tendency to want to kill each other -- or at least to be open to the possibility.]
Breanan: "Would you be capable of killing me?"
Annie McGee: "No, you're better than me."
Breanan: "But if you had the chance? If I came between you and Marietta?"
Annie McGee: "You'd die."
[Breanan wants us all to be best buddies forever.]
Breanan: "I love everyone equally."
Annie McGee: "That's a crock. Valentino?"
Breanan: "...Except for him."
[Gérard finally gets a chance to speak to Eisenfaust Pösen.]
Gérard: "I would like to know you better. I will leave now, but I will return... probably. And then, if you wish to kill me, I will be here."
Pat: "It's the perfect proposal!"
And that's it for now. There's not gonna be any Buckle Those Swashes for a few weeks, but next time we're hopefully on our way to Ussura and the third tower. See you then!