we are time bombs and we are ticking, the only questoins when we'll blow up.
i read through my journal from the summer last night. and something along these lines was repeated a lot " i just hope i dont lose this feeling i have now when i go back", and depressingly i feel like i have lost it. i feel inadequate and like i suck.. and i know this is stupid, i am not fishing for complinents or anything i am fucking insecure. especially in theatre i dont feel motivated and passionate, and part of it is because i feel like i suck, i dont like having to rely on passion just from knowing that i have "talent" or somethin ('talent' . oh randy-isms corrupt my mind) uuuugh... and in my insecurity i look back on the summer and think that i was making it all up and that i was just pretending, ugh that isnt true..
i was on my way this summer, i was figuring things out, i was figuring my standards and goals and what i loved and hated, and the discovery session ended and i got lazy and pissed and stubborn, and now i question the legitmacy of governors school. fuck that i know it was an amazing experience, no body understands this and i makes me feel shitty and alone and outcast
even more outcast because i feel like i am immature because i cant speak well and clarify my thoughts
and fuck mr. brightside just came on,, and i changed my mind about everything i just said... i am so .. not even confused, i am just lost.. and i dont know what to analyse and i dont know where to look and what to look at, and just fuuuuuuuck, i am so messed up
good lord sorry people that have to read this.
me=shit=lost=desperate=insecure=empty
there was a sense of love that i felt at gov school i miss that
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you're doing to me
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
I work hard every day of my life
I work till I ache my bones
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own -
I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord - somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me - somebody to love?
(He works hard)
Everyday - I try and I try and I try -
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm goin' crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe
Yeah - yeah yeah yeah
Oh Lord
Somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I'm ok, I'm alright
Ain't gonna face no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!
Find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
and we'll blow up you know that with out a doubt cuz were those girls.. ya you know those girls that let their emotions get the best of them.