not thinking is helpful
once;
you were graceful,
almost feline,
in your movements,
the need to touch you,
was near painful,
overwhelming,
incomprehensible,
to an as yet,
innocent me.
now;
so this is what it is,
numb, unfeeling,
I turn it all down,
and I don't miss you,
because nothing,
matters at all.
and maybe I'm a little confused,
I was thinking,
surely I felt something for u.
and then I let
myself feel again,
and the world is all about you,
and it kind of hurts again,
apathy was safety,
detachment, clinical
but keeping me whole.
keeping me sane,
away from the bittersweetness
of it all.
stupid therapist,
why do you make me ponder
and talk,
when I haven't done so,
for a while at all,
and been very together,
detached, satisfied,
with the literal sun,
in my life.
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