the crazy person journey...
So it's pretty apparent from just going through my journal I can be depressed and I can be suicidal. And whilst I've completely avoided the idea of going to my GP or any health professional with these issues in the past, a year on and off of seeing a therapist privately meant that this time, whilst she's away on holiday and knowing that in the long term I can't afford her, I went to my GP.
Maybe it was all her nagging.
Anyway I'm going to journal the journey as such because honestly am I annoyed so far.
My GP is lovely and I wanted to see her initially anyway for any talk of my issues. I rang the surgery last week Wednesday and was told by the unhelpful receptionist that there were only urgent appointments available and a doctor would have to check how urgent my issue was. I told her "I feel like killing myself, is that urgent?" Her initial response was "Umm, well I'll book you in with a phone consultation with the doctor who can then decide whether you need an appointment today," at which point I kind of lost it, started crying and babbling about how I'd felt like this for month and all I wanted was to see my GP and nobody would let me for months and I put the phone down because I couldn't continue. I sincerely hope that teaches the receptionist at my GP surgery some sensitivity; maybe it did because I rang half an hour later, they were nicer, I was put down for the phone appointment and had the phone appointment soon after.
I was given an appointment to see my GP and told if I didn't turn up they would ring the police! (This is the out of control, can of worms, I was hoping to avoid). Everything I say, when I open my mouth borders the line of should I contact social services for this person. I know it, the GP when I finally saw her, knew it. And hence the list of questions that ask whether I or anyone I know is any immediate danger. No I'm not, maybe I once was, it certainly feels like I could be, it seems like a no win scenario, if your not, your issues aren't serious enough, if you are, we're going to do everything you don't like and have no control over.
Anyway saw my GP, who agreed that perhaps "happy pills" were not the answer as it didn't sound like life was easy for me at this point. Ascertained that I was not going to kill myself on the day, (the lack of a 100% successful pain-free suicide method being the barrier), and wrote out an URGENT referral to psychiatry for me so I would not have to go A&E on the day. (My therapist has also been telling me she'd like me to see a psychiatrist and honestly I do think as far as mental health resources go, counselors and psychologists may not be the answer and it may all be that serious.)
So far so good...
And that was last week Wednesday.
Maybe it was all her nagging.
Anyway I'm going to journal the journey as such because honestly am I annoyed so far.
My GP is lovely and I wanted to see her initially anyway for any talk of my issues. I rang the surgery last week Wednesday and was told by the unhelpful receptionist that there were only urgent appointments available and a doctor would have to check how urgent my issue was. I told her "I feel like killing myself, is that urgent?" Her initial response was "Umm, well I'll book you in with a phone consultation with the doctor who can then decide whether you need an appointment today," at which point I kind of lost it, started crying and babbling about how I'd felt like this for month and all I wanted was to see my GP and nobody would let me for months and I put the phone down because I couldn't continue. I sincerely hope that teaches the receptionist at my GP surgery some sensitivity; maybe it did because I rang half an hour later, they were nicer, I was put down for the phone appointment and had the phone appointment soon after.
I was given an appointment to see my GP and told if I didn't turn up they would ring the police! (This is the out of control, can of worms, I was hoping to avoid). Everything I say, when I open my mouth borders the line of should I contact social services for this person. I know it, the GP when I finally saw her, knew it. And hence the list of questions that ask whether I or anyone I know is any immediate danger. No I'm not, maybe I once was, it certainly feels like I could be, it seems like a no win scenario, if your not, your issues aren't serious enough, if you are, we're going to do everything you don't like and have no control over.
Anyway saw my GP, who agreed that perhaps "happy pills" were not the answer as it didn't sound like life was easy for me at this point. Ascertained that I was not going to kill myself on the day, (the lack of a 100% successful pain-free suicide method being the barrier), and wrote out an URGENT referral to psychiatry for me so I would not have to go A&E on the day. (My therapist has also been telling me she'd like me to see a psychiatrist and honestly I do think as far as mental health resources go, counselors and psychologists may not be the answer and it may all be that serious.)
So far so good...
And that was last week Wednesday.