Advertising
Most ads suck. Somewhere, there's a book for stupid people to become advertising executives. Within it are the following tools:
1) Mispell
"Ok, so we've got this glue, right? It's so strong it's crazy. But we can't call it 'Crazy Glue', nobody would buy it. No man, what we need is to replace that C with a K. Yeah, 'Krazy Glue', I like that."
2) Abbreviate Randomly
Spelling out Super takes too long. Use Sup-r to save time in modifying your product, and then slap a fat (TM) behind it so nobody steals it. Also, you can unabbreviate words, for instance in Shure-grip whatevers. Furthermore, be sure to observe grammar rules when abbreviating to represent colloquialisms. Example: McDonald's "I'm lovin' it." That way you can appear cool, yet smart. The kids will love it.
3) Show Somebody Being Unusually Happy Using Product
If you're selling a clock radio, you damn well have somebody with a goofy grin on the cover. "Yeah, it's 4 AM, but my clock radio makes waking up fun!" I mean come on, do you want the one without the ecstatic user on the cover?
4) Destroy Music
Burger King really gets off on this. They take your favorite song, work it into a special for a burger, and every time you hear the song you associate it with the commercial. It should be internationally banned. Possible exceptions for songs which feature no lyrics, and aren't catchy. In all but the most artful commercials, music isn't effective in improving the message, and should be spared. Let the music go, it's not a part of this!
5) Get a Cheesy Spokesman
Jared for Subway, John Basedow for that fitness video, and Troy Aikman for Wingstop. I look at these people and say, "Shit, if they're doing it, I better do it too!". I'm not hungry, and I don't want to build muscle mass, but these guys are semi-famous. Maybe they'll still be there when I stop in. Only one way to find out, where's my wallet?
1) Mispell
"Ok, so we've got this glue, right? It's so strong it's crazy. But we can't call it 'Crazy Glue', nobody would buy it. No man, what we need is to replace that C with a K. Yeah, 'Krazy Glue', I like that."
2) Abbreviate Randomly
Spelling out Super takes too long. Use Sup-r to save time in modifying your product, and then slap a fat (TM) behind it so nobody steals it. Also, you can unabbreviate words, for instance in Shure-grip whatevers. Furthermore, be sure to observe grammar rules when abbreviating to represent colloquialisms. Example: McDonald's "I'm lovin' it." That way you can appear cool, yet smart. The kids will love it.
3) Show Somebody Being Unusually Happy Using Product
If you're selling a clock radio, you damn well have somebody with a goofy grin on the cover. "Yeah, it's 4 AM, but my clock radio makes waking up fun!" I mean come on, do you want the one without the ecstatic user on the cover?
4) Destroy Music
Burger King really gets off on this. They take your favorite song, work it into a special for a burger, and every time you hear the song you associate it with the commercial. It should be internationally banned. Possible exceptions for songs which feature no lyrics, and aren't catchy. In all but the most artful commercials, music isn't effective in improving the message, and should be spared. Let the music go, it's not a part of this!
5) Get a Cheesy Spokesman
Jared for Subway, John Basedow for that fitness video, and Troy Aikman for Wingstop. I look at these people and say, "Shit, if they're doing it, I better do it too!". I'm not hungry, and I don't want to build muscle mass, but these guys are semi-famous. Maybe they'll still be there when I stop in. Only one way to find out, where's my wallet?