Day 6: (p)unapologetic about my Sabbath
I love puns. And since I spent the day travelling to Syracuse and back to see the Nutcracker performed in fabulous costumage because my 8-year-old friend Rebekah was a page in Act II, I have had no time to prepare my thoughts on Isaiah. Yes, plenty of profound thoughts (it IS Sunday), I just posses no energy to compose them.
And so here are 10 gems for your evening's entertainment. Vote on your favorite--or add one of your own!
-h
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only
one carrion allowed per passenger.'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall .
The one turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies 'Yes, I'm
positive.' (MY FAVORITE!)
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during
a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of
the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they
asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, ' I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across
town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..
(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ..
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns
to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would
make them laugh. No pun in ten did.