Last day of Classes
So, yes. Today was the last day of classes before the start of exams. It was fun, though in the let-us-the-fuck-out-of-school-now-kthnx kind of way. We had a bagel party in Chem and learned how to make a fountain out of a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke and a tube of Mentos, and I got an 87 on a practice Chem Regents. Kickass for me. We played kickball in AP, and got killed by Nelligan and Whitman's seniors. And then of course, we did about 25 multiple choice questions in history, and then watched the World Cup. There was a Chamber Strings party during 4th block, since they switched around the schedule, but I really just felt like going home.
I've been in a crappy kind of mood for the past week or so, and I really don't know why. Maybe because it's the end of the year and I have friends who are leaving me for college and whatnot, though I sort of doubt it. Not because I'm not sad to see people leave, but because I know it's their time to go and pissing and moaning won't change that, and they're going to have lots of fun in college. More than likely, I'm out of whack because I'm finally realizing that this September, I'm going to be a senior. Which means, taking my SATs one more time (hopefully), visiting colleges, filling out applications, writing essays, driving all over for auditions, stressing over acceptance letters, etc. etc. etc.
Either way though, I feel rather shittastic. I don't feel like hanging out or doing anything with anyone, and if I do go out, I spend most of the time privately wishing I could go home. I'm not singing as much as I used to. I'm constantly wanting to pitch a fit every time I look in the mirror, because I'm sick of my bad skin and my nose and my chin and my body that stubbornly refuses to change, no matter how long I sit on my exercise bike. I've been miffed lately because of how stupid my friend has been acting for the past few months, and just generally frustrated over the fact that there's nothing I or anyone else can say to him that can make him realize how much he's fucking up his life. A few days ago, I wrote an enormous post about it on my MySpace, all about how scared I am for him and what a great guy he is and how I love him and I don't want to see him ruin his life. He hasn't said anything about it; I don't know if it's because he saw it and got weirded out, or if he didn't see it and doesn't have a clue. Though, he hasn't been speaking much to me in general lately.
I keep having dreams every week or so and he's in them, and he's always taking advantage of me or letting me down in some way or other. The situations vary, but it always ends with him just being like "Whatever. Too bad." and walking away. Last night, I had one where we found out our school was doing "Rent" (even though we're doing "Hello, Dolly!" - again, dream), and we needed to fill out our audition sheets and write down what parts we'd like to audition for. I gave mine to my friend for him to turn in for me because he said he would, then he turned his in, without mine, and I couldn't audition. The last thing I remember is being somewhere at a theatre that wasn't mine in a school that wasn't mine - I think it was a college campus - and being on the stage. It was several stories tall and I was on it, and the auditorium was completely empty. I stayed there for a really long time and sat on the edge of the stage. Then I left, and I waited outside until my mom came and picked me up in a black car. It was night, and it was snowing. I wonder if it means anything.
*hops on dreammoods.com*
Disappointment: To dream of disappointment, indicates real-life experiences of being continually disappointed. Such dreams often reflect repressed disappointments accumulated over a period of time. You dream serves as an emotional outlet which can provide ease of mind.
Theatre: To dream that you are in a theater, signifies that you will derive much pleasure from new companionships. Consider also how the performance parallels to situations in your waking life. Observe how the characters relate to you and how they may represent an aspect of yourself. You may be taking on a new role.
Snow:To see snow in your dream, signifies your inhibitions, repressed/unexpressed emotions and feelings of frigidity. You need to release and express these emotions and inhibitions. You may also be feeling indifferent, alone and neglected. If the snow is melting then it suggests that you are acknowledging and releasing those emotions you have repressed. You are overcoming your fears and obstacles...To dream that you are watching the snow fall, represents a clean start and a fresh, new perspective. It is indicative of spiritual peace and tranquility.
Okay then. Perhaps that means my subconscious is telling me to give up. Gee, how nice of it.
Well, at least it's summer.
I've been in a crappy kind of mood for the past week or so, and I really don't know why. Maybe because it's the end of the year and I have friends who are leaving me for college and whatnot, though I sort of doubt it. Not because I'm not sad to see people leave, but because I know it's their time to go and pissing and moaning won't change that, and they're going to have lots of fun in college. More than likely, I'm out of whack because I'm finally realizing that this September, I'm going to be a senior. Which means, taking my SATs one more time (hopefully), visiting colleges, filling out applications, writing essays, driving all over for auditions, stressing over acceptance letters, etc. etc. etc.
Either way though, I feel rather shittastic. I don't feel like hanging out or doing anything with anyone, and if I do go out, I spend most of the time privately wishing I could go home. I'm not singing as much as I used to. I'm constantly wanting to pitch a fit every time I look in the mirror, because I'm sick of my bad skin and my nose and my chin and my body that stubbornly refuses to change, no matter how long I sit on my exercise bike. I've been miffed lately because of how stupid my friend has been acting for the past few months, and just generally frustrated over the fact that there's nothing I or anyone else can say to him that can make him realize how much he's fucking up his life. A few days ago, I wrote an enormous post about it on my MySpace, all about how scared I am for him and what a great guy he is and how I love him and I don't want to see him ruin his life. He hasn't said anything about it; I don't know if it's because he saw it and got weirded out, or if he didn't see it and doesn't have a clue. Though, he hasn't been speaking much to me in general lately.
I keep having dreams every week or so and he's in them, and he's always taking advantage of me or letting me down in some way or other. The situations vary, but it always ends with him just being like "Whatever. Too bad." and walking away. Last night, I had one where we found out our school was doing "Rent" (even though we're doing "Hello, Dolly!" - again, dream), and we needed to fill out our audition sheets and write down what parts we'd like to audition for. I gave mine to my friend for him to turn in for me because he said he would, then he turned his in, without mine, and I couldn't audition. The last thing I remember is being somewhere at a theatre that wasn't mine in a school that wasn't mine - I think it was a college campus - and being on the stage. It was several stories tall and I was on it, and the auditorium was completely empty. I stayed there for a really long time and sat on the edge of the stage. Then I left, and I waited outside until my mom came and picked me up in a black car. It was night, and it was snowing. I wonder if it means anything.
*hops on dreammoods.com*
Disappointment: To dream of disappointment, indicates real-life experiences of being continually disappointed. Such dreams often reflect repressed disappointments accumulated over a period of time. You dream serves as an emotional outlet which can provide ease of mind.
Theatre: To dream that you are in a theater, signifies that you will derive much pleasure from new companionships. Consider also how the performance parallels to situations in your waking life. Observe how the characters relate to you and how they may represent an aspect of yourself. You may be taking on a new role.
Snow:To see snow in your dream, signifies your inhibitions, repressed/unexpressed emotions and feelings of frigidity. You need to release and express these emotions and inhibitions. You may also be feeling indifferent, alone and neglected. If the snow is melting then it suggests that you are acknowledging and releasing those emotions you have repressed. You are overcoming your fears and obstacles...To dream that you are watching the snow fall, represents a clean start and a fresh, new perspective. It is indicative of spiritual peace and tranquility.
Okay then. Perhaps that means my subconscious is telling me to give up. Gee, how nice of it.
Well, at least it's summer.