Such a hectic and a sad week.
Tuesday:
OMG...there is no one reliable in this world. The more i trust some people the more they break it. I just don't understand how some people can be that immature and childish to make big deal out of such little issues. There are soo many two-faced people and one of them is YOU. I am sick and tired of dealing with "close friends" and my family. I thought i was so close to you and you were a really good friend of mine, but you just made me realize that my feelings are not the same as yours. It is not a single persons responsibilty to maintain a relationship, but obviously some people don't have a clear idea on that. I sat down for long time and thought about what happpened between us. I couldn't come up with anything which seems like it was happened according to a plan. Just fucking spit out what your problems are! You are just used to denying the negative ideas that you hold. Grow up! and be honest to yourself. Why don't you have the guts to face reality and speak to me. I have realized that it is not my fault, so it is not worth lingering on your case and i don't want to deal with your chilish behavior. We could have talked about and we still can about this issue. But if you insist on ignoring this problem then this is your inability to cope it. I don't know why you behaved the way you did, maybe because you were in a bad mood, or maybe it was just a joke. But whatever the case is, if it is your mistake then realize it! Everytime i have talked to you or someone else in a bad tone which may have been hurtful, i have always apologized and reasoned it out why i acted that way.
>> I apologize even though i don't think it is my fault but i am just not ashamed of saying sorry.
-- After all this happened i was in a really bad mood, i was crying from inside, holding my tears. My heart actually ached of dissapointment and sadness. I decided i couldn't hold it anymore, there was only one person that could solve my problem ( like always).[ Thank you Weili, i am glad to have you as my best friend ] I called Weili and i told her about the situation and i burst out crying. She helped me cope up with it but i was still hurt by what happened. I went back to studying since i had Calc test and a HUGE Anatomy & Physiology test, so i forced myself to stop thinking about the issue and i studied. Looking at the time, i flipped out because there was not enough time to study for calc AND anatomy but i said i could do it. After 30 mins or so with my inside clogged and a heavy heart I burst out crying out loud because i couldn't handle studying so much. I JUST CAN'T DO IT! There is only one thing i can study for in such little time, so fuck calc and school, just read 300 pages the next day and ace the A&P test.
Wednesday:
Studied from 7 am - 6 pm straight probably just about an hr or 2 off. Went to BCC and the security guard came and told that our professor was going to be late, so i studied until 7:45 pm. After so much work into this test, i had to get a perfect score with memorizing 600 muscle functions and names. WHO SAYS DUAL ENROLLMENT CLASSES ARE EASY? It just depends what classes you take, people just get by with easy classes and getting AP credit.
Came home, ate and watched some TV while eating. All of a sudden, my dads cell phone rings and it is from India. Dad just said, "WHAT?!?!?, Don't tell me that, man" and his eyes filled with water and face got very tensed and worried. I am trying to figure out what has happened, i could hear my dad's friend talking on the phone and he is saying " we don't know what is going to happen, it is the last stage of cancer." WHAT??? My uncle has a cancer called RCC in the kidney and the tumor is 17 mm and the kidney is 12 mm. It is called silent cancer, no major symptoms are prevalent in early stages and this cancer is only found incidentally. Since it is the last stage of cancer, nothing much can be done but just hope that it has not spread beyond the kidney. My uncle doesn't know the seriousness of this problem becuase he and his family is just told that once the kidney is removed, everything would be fine. BUT if it has spread beyond kidney, he may not have a lot of time left. He is just a year older than my dad and his son is just 20. I hope everything turns out to be fine and this difficult time is passed. I can't see another person going away from my life. He is the dearest uncle with whom i have cherished my favorite moments and i want to see him when i go back to India. =(
PLEASE, I HOPE NOTHING HAPPENS TO HIM. God, i will pray.
Why does life have to be that hard? What's next to come?
ok. can't write anymore..
OMG...there is no one reliable in this world. The more i trust some people the more they break it. I just don't understand how some people can be that immature and childish to make big deal out of such little issues. There are soo many two-faced people and one of them is YOU. I am sick and tired of dealing with "close friends" and my family. I thought i was so close to you and you were a really good friend of mine, but you just made me realize that my feelings are not the same as yours. It is not a single persons responsibilty to maintain a relationship, but obviously some people don't have a clear idea on that. I sat down for long time and thought about what happpened between us. I couldn't come up with anything which seems like it was happened according to a plan. Just fucking spit out what your problems are! You are just used to denying the negative ideas that you hold. Grow up! and be honest to yourself. Why don't you have the guts to face reality and speak to me. I have realized that it is not my fault, so it is not worth lingering on your case and i don't want to deal with your chilish behavior. We could have talked about and we still can about this issue. But if you insist on ignoring this problem then this is your inability to cope it. I don't know why you behaved the way you did, maybe because you were in a bad mood, or maybe it was just a joke. But whatever the case is, if it is your mistake then realize it! Everytime i have talked to you or someone else in a bad tone which may have been hurtful, i have always apologized and reasoned it out why i acted that way.
>> I apologize even though i don't think it is my fault but i am just not ashamed of saying sorry.
-- After all this happened i was in a really bad mood, i was crying from inside, holding my tears. My heart actually ached of dissapointment and sadness. I decided i couldn't hold it anymore, there was only one person that could solve my problem ( like always).[ Thank you Weili, i am glad to have you as my best friend ] I called Weili and i told her about the situation and i burst out crying. She helped me cope up with it but i was still hurt by what happened. I went back to studying since i had Calc test and a HUGE Anatomy & Physiology test, so i forced myself to stop thinking about the issue and i studied. Looking at the time, i flipped out because there was not enough time to study for calc AND anatomy but i said i could do it. After 30 mins or so with my inside clogged and a heavy heart I burst out crying out loud because i couldn't handle studying so much. I JUST CAN'T DO IT! There is only one thing i can study for in such little time, so fuck calc and school, just read 300 pages the next day and ace the A&P test.
Wednesday:
Studied from 7 am - 6 pm straight probably just about an hr or 2 off. Went to BCC and the security guard came and told that our professor was going to be late, so i studied until 7:45 pm. After so much work into this test, i had to get a perfect score with memorizing 600 muscle functions and names. WHO SAYS DUAL ENROLLMENT CLASSES ARE EASY? It just depends what classes you take, people just get by with easy classes and getting AP credit.
Came home, ate and watched some TV while eating. All of a sudden, my dads cell phone rings and it is from India. Dad just said, "WHAT?!?!?, Don't tell me that, man" and his eyes filled with water and face got very tensed and worried. I am trying to figure out what has happened, i could hear my dad's friend talking on the phone and he is saying " we don't know what is going to happen, it is the last stage of cancer." WHAT??? My uncle has a cancer called RCC in the kidney and the tumor is 17 mm and the kidney is 12 mm. It is called silent cancer, no major symptoms are prevalent in early stages and this cancer is only found incidentally. Since it is the last stage of cancer, nothing much can be done but just hope that it has not spread beyond the kidney. My uncle doesn't know the seriousness of this problem becuase he and his family is just told that once the kidney is removed, everything would be fine. BUT if it has spread beyond kidney, he may not have a lot of time left. He is just a year older than my dad and his son is just 20. I hope everything turns out to be fine and this difficult time is passed. I can't see another person going away from my life. He is the dearest uncle with whom i have cherished my favorite moments and i want to see him when i go back to India. =(
PLEASE, I HOPE NOTHING HAPPENS TO HIM. God, i will pray.
Why does life have to be that hard? What's next to come?
ok. can't write anymore..