There's a shadow just behind me shrouding every step I take
my father's dead. i was prepared to do it myself, but Cristoff beat Evan and i to it. Eva called me and told me Julian had shown up and what had happened. and my god, but she was going to call Yuff and ask him to 'port the body somewhere and i told her no, i'd take care of it. i did't want Yuff to be involved again in another murder, even if the person deserved to die a horrible death.
i didn't even tell Michael, i just grabbed Peregrine and drove over there. Julian was dead, alright. seeing him like that, smelling his tainted blood, i wanted to rip him limb from limb for all of the pain he's given each of us over the years. but i didn't, i settled for kicking him and then i got to work on getting rid of him. and i swear to all that is unholy, our father's lying dead on her floor but Eva wants to argue with me when i ask her to go outside so i can bring Peregrine in. i didn't want to touch him if i didn't have to. at least Cristoff had the sense to take Eva outside before i had to pick her stubborn ass up and do it myself.
after the job of moving him into the trunk was done, i thanked Cristoff for killing the bastard and we drove out to Miller's Woods. perhaps i should've waited, let Evan get the chance to say good riddance, but i had Peregrine incinerate him. there's nothing left but ash now, and the trying to move on for the rest of us. i had to go home and tell Col that he was dead. i never wanted to be in that position, i know how it is to be on the other end of that and even if Julian was a cancer that needed to be removed from this or any dimension permanently? he was still our father and Col loved him. and i know he grieves, no matter how much he doesn't want to, he feels the loss of him more than the rest of us.
just gods, i can't deal with death. it's ironic in a way, i was willing to kill him myself yet the actual dealing with it is harder for me. the only thing i'm grateful to my father for is the ability to be cold about it or i never could've gotten through taking care of his corpse like that. it was hard to switch gears and soften myself enough so i could tell Col, it's so much easier letting the coldness take over. i had to soften the truth a little for him, too. he believes Cristoff did it to save Eva's life, which in a way is true. he did it to save all of us from Julian.
i broke down a little when i was telling Michael later. he is the only one i can let some of my walls down around without fear, and i don't know if i could get through the days ahead without him. i know i don't have the emotional baggage as bad as Eva and Evan do with him, but i hate him for what he's done to all of us. the choices we make, the reactions we have, so much of it is from the evil that man fed us while we were growing up. my one hope is that we can all heal now, but i'm not stupid enough to believe it will happen overnight. you can't erase decades of emotional abuse in a few hours. but i have my family here now, Evan's moved to town and Col and Isabella are staying. Nana's even going to spend part of the year here, although if i know my Nana, she'll have a hard time being away from all of us for a while. it will be good, since going to get Col we've had Julian hanging over our heads so it's been hard to truly reconnect with him. i've missed my baby brother, and with Julian gone maybe now we can finally make up for the two years we've been apart.
i didn't even tell Michael, i just grabbed Peregrine and drove over there. Julian was dead, alright. seeing him like that, smelling his tainted blood, i wanted to rip him limb from limb for all of the pain he's given each of us over the years. but i didn't, i settled for kicking him and then i got to work on getting rid of him. and i swear to all that is unholy, our father's lying dead on her floor but Eva wants to argue with me when i ask her to go outside so i can bring Peregrine in. i didn't want to touch him if i didn't have to. at least Cristoff had the sense to take Eva outside before i had to pick her stubborn ass up and do it myself.
after the job of moving him into the trunk was done, i thanked Cristoff for killing the bastard and we drove out to Miller's Woods. perhaps i should've waited, let Evan get the chance to say good riddance, but i had Peregrine incinerate him. there's nothing left but ash now, and the trying to move on for the rest of us. i had to go home and tell Col that he was dead. i never wanted to be in that position, i know how it is to be on the other end of that and even if Julian was a cancer that needed to be removed from this or any dimension permanently? he was still our father and Col loved him. and i know he grieves, no matter how much he doesn't want to, he feels the loss of him more than the rest of us.
just gods, i can't deal with death. it's ironic in a way, i was willing to kill him myself yet the actual dealing with it is harder for me. the only thing i'm grateful to my father for is the ability to be cold about it or i never could've gotten through taking care of his corpse like that. it was hard to switch gears and soften myself enough so i could tell Col, it's so much easier letting the coldness take over. i had to soften the truth a little for him, too. he believes Cristoff did it to save Eva's life, which in a way is true. he did it to save all of us from Julian.
i broke down a little when i was telling Michael later. he is the only one i can let some of my walls down around without fear, and i don't know if i could get through the days ahead without him. i know i don't have the emotional baggage as bad as Eva and Evan do with him, but i hate him for what he's done to all of us. the choices we make, the reactions we have, so much of it is from the evil that man fed us while we were growing up. my one hope is that we can all heal now, but i'm not stupid enough to believe it will happen overnight. you can't erase decades of emotional abuse in a few hours. but i have my family here now, Evan's moved to town and Col and Isabella are staying. Nana's even going to spend part of the year here, although if i know my Nana, she'll have a hard time being away from all of us for a while. it will be good, since going to get Col we've had Julian hanging over our heads so it's been hard to truly reconnect with him. i've missed my baby brother, and with Julian gone maybe now we can finally make up for the two years we've been apart.