we talk just like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs
i met Evan and Yuffie down at Ralph's friday night to discuss tracking down Eva's father. Yuff and i were there for a bit before Evan showed up, and he told me that Mikka was going to be the other one going with us. he didn't really say much else, unless you count his cussing about what kind of a person Eva's father is and what he wanted to do to
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I don't know, I think I would rather not let myself feel then feel all the hurt. I'm tired of being like an open wound all the time. At least when I was soulless it helped numb the pain of it all. *looks at her* Also? Getting out of here for awhile and to Europe? Not so much cowardly as a sane plan to me.
*shakes head* I want to be there, its the least I can do for Eva. But I don't want to be the one killing. Evan can do that, he's soulless and he's had a lot of practice. He'll handle it fine.
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*looks at him with haunted eyes*
no, Yuff, you really don't want to be numb. see, you start doing that? and you go along for years of your life thinking you're doing great, nothing bothers you, everything just rolls off your back. you don't deal with stuff like normal people do, small everyday stresses start to add up until one day you just snap. and then, you just start to crumble, all those defenses you built up fall away and suddenly you have to deal with everything you hid, everything you shoved aside to deal with later and...it sucks, Yuff. you find yourself struggling to even function let alone deal with all of the things you should've years ago. you don't want that, i don't want that for you.
*smiles a little*
if you want to be there, then i'll be there with you. we'll go have ice cream or something while Evan's taking care of it.
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oh. Well, I don't want to build up everything until it explodes. Its just, you know, I wish I could take more. I mean it really doesn't take much at all to set me off, or make me upset. Surely there has to be some sort of inbetween.
*nods* Okay, ice cream sounds good. I guess we can do that.
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ok, as the queen of extreme moods? well, other than maybe Eva, 'cause she's like way more nuts than i am, but that's besides the point. i wish i could tell you how to find an inbetween, but the truth is i haven't found one myself.
i wish i had a fix for you, but i just don't, all i can do is offer to be here for you when you need to talk or get angry. i hate to see you like this.
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Well if you do find one? Could you let me know? That would be great.
*crosses then uncross his arms* Thanks Ev, I'll keep that in mind. But could you do me a favor?
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*smiles at him*
anything, just ask.
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Um, well would it be okay if you didn't mention what I told you to anyone? Sorry, I don't want people pitying me or trying to talk to me about stuff.
I don't want to be the one that everyone wants to fix.
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*frowns*
i didn't mean to make you feel like you need to be fixed, i just hate seeing you beating up on yourself, is all.
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*shrugs* Its fine. I just don't want all the goody two shoe friends trying to fix me, thats all. All of them have an annoying habit of caring and trying to make things right. You're enough.
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well i promise not to be annoying and try to fix you too much, but i'm still going to care.
come on, let's go do something before i try and make you watch sappy chick flicks with me.
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