X3: Not quite a review
I did see X3 on Friday (and on Saturday), but since everything I could say about it is already on your friends list or in professional reviews, I decided to do something different.
On our way to see the movie, sadalice and I saw people protesting The Da Vinci Code. We wondered if it would help if we told them we were seeing the X-Men movie, but decided not, as Mutants were probably also an abomination unto the Lord.
And then we started discussing, what if Mutants were in the Bible:
From the Book of Genesis 7:3-6: 3Xavier turned to Erik, and he did say, “Erik, thou shalt not wear thy fedora with thine maroon trench coat, for thou lookst a fool.” 4And Erik did reply thus, “I shall wear whatever headgear I favor, whether it be fedora, pageboy cap, or dorky helmet, if it be good in my sight. 5And if thou dost try to stop me, old friend, I shall meet thee on the field of battle.” 6So it was that the two great leaders of the Mutant tribe parted amidst great enmity.
From the Book of Storm 4:12-14: 12There came a great storm, raining hail and splitting the air with thunder and lightning, causing chaos over all the land. 13The people did cower in fear, believing the end had come upon them. But, nay, it was merely Storm, bemoaning her lack of character development through pathetic fallacy. 14And so did The Professor say to her, “Thou needst to chill, Storm, for I hath not put up the storm windows this season.”
From the Book of Mystique 11:5-12: 5And Magneto came before the great Pharaoh of the United States of America and said, “Let my people go!” 6But Pharaoh was not impressed with Magneto’s gathering of metal filings to himself and refused. 7And Magneto said, “There shall be a great plague of me upon you, Pharaoh,” and left. 8Many days passed without word of Magneto, and the Pharaoh grew indolent and overconfident. He sent forth Magneto’s servant, Mystique, in a truck of metal, which was not the best of all plans. 9When Magneto came to his servant, he rent apart the truck saying, “Be free!” But as she was set free, the guard of the Pharaoh shot her with the Mutant Cure. 10As her scales and blue color fell away, she was left human and naked before the eyes of Magneto. And Magneto saw that she was human and regretted his lost servant. 11He said, “I shall not take her for she is no longer of my people.” 12And, lo, she was very pissed.
From the Book of Cyclops 15:22-24: 22And whilst Jean was sucking his tongue into her mouth, The Wolverine did realize that neither he nor The Storm, nor The Professor, nor Jean herself had bothered to figure out where Scott was. 23He did disengage himself from the suckage of Jean, and he did ask, “What hast though done with Scott?” 24And she did reply, “I did feast upon his mortal soul.” To which The Wolverine did exclaim, “Ew! ‘Tis gross!”
From the Book of Rogue 20:4-6: 4And Robert said, “Wherefore hast thou done this thing?” and Rogue did say, “Lo, I was weak. You try being young and horny, and not able to touch anyone for a few years, bucko.” 5But from the West, their came a great cry from Magneto: “’Tis likely not permanent. For, yea, Worthington did not assess the long term effects.” 6Rogue did lament this, for, verily, the path of Rogue is the way of angst.
Nightcrawler’s Letter to the Philadelphians 2:1-2: 1When I came into the city, the people gathered around me, astounded by the blueness of my skin, the pointiness of my tail, and the awesomeness of my pirate costume. “Who art thou,” they asked, “that walks and speaks like a man, but seems not?” 2And I replied, “I am called Kurt Wagner, but at the circus of Munich I was known as the Incredible Nightcrawler.” And, yea, did I Bamf so that they may witness the Glory, and also to avoid a stoning.
From the Gospel according to Claremont 26:1-3: 1And on the third day, she did rise from the lake like a Phoenix from very wet ashes. With the water from the lake and a fresh application of Clairol in her hair, she spoke, “I have returned to you once again, whether thou wouldst will it or no!” 2And there was much lamentation amongst the people, who cried, “Not again!” 3And though her husband and her lover had just gotten over her most recent death, they were once again thrown into dark despair and an angsty love triangle, possibly quadrangle, if thou dost include Emma Frost.
From the apocryphal text of Saint St. John 9:8-9: 8I spoke to the centurions thus, “Knowst thou of those mutants that delight in destruction and death? Verily, among them, I am of the most negative caliber!” 9And from my hands came the flame and I rained destruction upon their insolence until Robert’s pathetic girlfriend did suck the lifeforce from me.
On our way to see the movie, sadalice and I saw people protesting The Da Vinci Code. We wondered if it would help if we told them we were seeing the X-Men movie, but decided not, as Mutants were probably also an abomination unto the Lord.
And then we started discussing, what if Mutants were in the Bible:
From the Book of Genesis 7:3-6: 3Xavier turned to Erik, and he did say, “Erik, thou shalt not wear thy fedora with thine maroon trench coat, for thou lookst a fool.” 4And Erik did reply thus, “I shall wear whatever headgear I favor, whether it be fedora, pageboy cap, or dorky helmet, if it be good in my sight. 5And if thou dost try to stop me, old friend, I shall meet thee on the field of battle.” 6So it was that the two great leaders of the Mutant tribe parted amidst great enmity.
From the Book of Storm 4:12-14: 12There came a great storm, raining hail and splitting the air with thunder and lightning, causing chaos over all the land. 13The people did cower in fear, believing the end had come upon them. But, nay, it was merely Storm, bemoaning her lack of character development through pathetic fallacy. 14And so did The Professor say to her, “Thou needst to chill, Storm, for I hath not put up the storm windows this season.”
From the Book of Mystique 11:5-12: 5And Magneto came before the great Pharaoh of the United States of America and said, “Let my people go!” 6But Pharaoh was not impressed with Magneto’s gathering of metal filings to himself and refused. 7And Magneto said, “There shall be a great plague of me upon you, Pharaoh,” and left. 8Many days passed without word of Magneto, and the Pharaoh grew indolent and overconfident. He sent forth Magneto’s servant, Mystique, in a truck of metal, which was not the best of all plans. 9When Magneto came to his servant, he rent apart the truck saying, “Be free!” But as she was set free, the guard of the Pharaoh shot her with the Mutant Cure. 10As her scales and blue color fell away, she was left human and naked before the eyes of Magneto. And Magneto saw that she was human and regretted his lost servant. 11He said, “I shall not take her for she is no longer of my people.” 12And, lo, she was very pissed.
From the Book of Cyclops 15:22-24: 22And whilst Jean was sucking his tongue into her mouth, The Wolverine did realize that neither he nor The Storm, nor The Professor, nor Jean herself had bothered to figure out where Scott was. 23He did disengage himself from the suckage of Jean, and he did ask, “What hast though done with Scott?” 24And she did reply, “I did feast upon his mortal soul.” To which The Wolverine did exclaim, “Ew! ‘Tis gross!”
From the Book of Rogue 20:4-6: 4And Robert said, “Wherefore hast thou done this thing?” and Rogue did say, “Lo, I was weak. You try being young and horny, and not able to touch anyone for a few years, bucko.” 5But from the West, their came a great cry from Magneto: “’Tis likely not permanent. For, yea, Worthington did not assess the long term effects.” 6Rogue did lament this, for, verily, the path of Rogue is the way of angst.
Nightcrawler’s Letter to the Philadelphians 2:1-2: 1When I came into the city, the people gathered around me, astounded by the blueness of my skin, the pointiness of my tail, and the awesomeness of my pirate costume. “Who art thou,” they asked, “that walks and speaks like a man, but seems not?” 2And I replied, “I am called Kurt Wagner, but at the circus of Munich I was known as the Incredible Nightcrawler.” And, yea, did I Bamf so that they may witness the Glory, and also to avoid a stoning.
From the Gospel according to Claremont 26:1-3: 1And on the third day, she did rise from the lake like a Phoenix from very wet ashes. With the water from the lake and a fresh application of Clairol in her hair, she spoke, “I have returned to you once again, whether thou wouldst will it or no!” 2And there was much lamentation amongst the people, who cried, “Not again!” 3And though her husband and her lover had just gotten over her most recent death, they were once again thrown into dark despair and an angsty love triangle, possibly quadrangle, if thou dost include Emma Frost.
From the apocryphal text of Saint St. John 9:8-9: 8I spoke to the centurions thus, “Knowst thou of those mutants that delight in destruction and death? Verily, among them, I am of the most negative caliber!” 9And from my hands came the flame and I rained destruction upon their insolence until Robert’s pathetic girlfriend did suck the lifeforce from me.