Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest...
So yes it's that time of year again, supposedly the most wonderful and I've been mostly happy and excited...on the outside. I think I at least have everyone at work convinced, today Dan B. told me that even thought I was filled with rage and having a spaz I was still the most jolly person in the copy center. I count down the days, I watch my specials, I wrap presents and sing carols, and though all these things bring me happiness, it doesn't penetrate. When its quiet at 1 am I am truly alone.
Today it was snowing the perfect snow. Big fluffy flakes that floated down like in a dream, just the right amount of wind to make it swirl. When I saw him today he asked me if i saw the snow, and then he told me it was his favorite. I could only bite my lip and admit that it was mine too. That is the snow that the perfect kiss happens in, of course I didn't tell him that, or that what I wanted more than anything was to kiss him in that snow.
The worst part is knowing that he has another he would be kissing, someone else he'll be asleep next to on christmas eve, and when I wake up grasping the empty air where I dreamt he would be that night I'll know that she's in his apartment at that very moment, asleep or otherwise.
I can see why there are more suicides around Christmas than any other time of the week. I'm about ready to settle in for a long winters nap with some ativan and bottle of vodka. I feel transparent, like no one can really see me clearly and though I am clearly screaming, those around me are deaf.
Today it was snowing the perfect snow. Big fluffy flakes that floated down like in a dream, just the right amount of wind to make it swirl. When I saw him today he asked me if i saw the snow, and then he told me it was his favorite. I could only bite my lip and admit that it was mine too. That is the snow that the perfect kiss happens in, of course I didn't tell him that, or that what I wanted more than anything was to kiss him in that snow.
The worst part is knowing that he has another he would be kissing, someone else he'll be asleep next to on christmas eve, and when I wake up grasping the empty air where I dreamt he would be that night I'll know that she's in his apartment at that very moment, asleep or otherwise.
I can see why there are more suicides around Christmas than any other time of the week. I'm about ready to settle in for a long winters nap with some ativan and bottle of vodka. I feel transparent, like no one can really see me clearly and though I am clearly screaming, those around me are deaf.