(Untitled)

[eva_c]

Here's the only section I actually like.

After this, it's all shit, folks.

Part one / Part Two.

I rip off Palahniuk. I eat Ramen noodles. I look up ecoterrorism and I feel like crying. I want to write schizoslash.

Comments

[princess_draco]

okay, and I suck at writing reviews: but I love your writing. I love Sophia most of all. Cindy is second.

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[eva_c]

Danke. :D I think I was projecting myself into Sophia... I'm not sure where the slasher came in for her. Or the Britishness.

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[princess_draco]

I think she's an embodiment of most of the females in HP land. Slasher. Wanting to be British. Pretty. :D

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[eva_c]

OMFG!!! It's a MARRY SUEE!!

[siriaeve]

Antoine is all serious. He is Siddhartha Gautama's reincarnated spirit, Moses leading the people to the Promised Land. This is Antoine. I notice his hair is still wet and it's dripping down his neck and back.

Ah. So your random questions on IM aren't as random as they seem. I have found out your secret >:D

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[eva_c]

I'm never random. Everything I say has an underlying purpose. For example, I imed three or four people to ask if you could smoke a cigarette with the filter cut off... >:D (<-- that is my face. Your's is >:O)

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[siriaeve]

Siria says:
Aww, the kitten is sitting in the window and he's yawning! Oh, the cuteness!
Eva says:
*coos*
Eva says:
Do cats taste good?

That had a purpose? That deserves >:O

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[eva_c]

I'm thinking about having Antoine roasting a cat over an open fire and giving it to Scott to feed Cindy. I needed the knowledge!

Well, at least now I know how to skin a cat thanks to you. >:D

[runcible]

Now that it is all well-known that is is Great Stuff right here, I now introduce my short critique...

Cindy scents something is off about me, I'm not looking sulky enough, I'm too quiet. She looks at her rice suspiciously and oddly enough, this is the one of the few times I haven't put my blood in her food.
Favorite line the whole bloody story bit.

"I'm trying to be British," she explains. "It means something like, 'goddamn.' Neal thought you needed some distraction."
Sophia provides the most distraction when she's not wearing anything, but I don't this out loud.
Missing a crucial verb.

The mall is an elaborate scheme to suck us out of money we don't have in the first place. I can imagine the owner of the Gap in conference with Bath and Body Works about a way to have a bunch of stores in one place where with a conveniently located food court and without clocks, they could keep consumers buying.

Loading up their credit cards.

Lugging around shopping bags.

Eating their greasy food.

No wonder everybody in America is in debt.I'm

[eva_c]

Missing a crucial verb.

Heh, I do this all the time... there was a joke where I left a comment for nostrademons that said, "You shouldn't other's feelings!" I tend to deverb all my sentences.

he sounds a bit like a cardboard pessimist to me

Wibble. Will edit that part.

Remember us all when you're rich and famous. :D

>:O No. More.

[velena]

I've been lurking about your LJ for a while, and I just had to comment on what you've written so far. It's fantastic. I love all the characters, how distinct they are, and how they have such vibrant personalities after observing them for only a few moments. I'm still trying to absorb it all, so I will come back later and say something more coherent and erudite. But gah. Beautiful writing.

[eva_c]

*blushes* Thanks. :D

I've been lurking about your LJ for a while

Oh, you're one of those people. ;)

[velena]

*grins* Yes, I am one of those people. I know, I should be shot. However, I give you my girl scout promise *holds up three fingers* (it was three fingers, wasn't it?) to never lurk again. You are far too entertaining.

Alright, I did promise a response. I have to go walk the dog, and then I shall be back with something! *flees*

Finally, A Few Comments

[velena]

Well, there’s so much to comment on, I think I’ll just pick part three and stick to that. I loved the first two parts as well, but I will ramble on forever if I don’t make some attempt to constrain myself. So.

First of all, Scott is a great narrator. His ego has been so utterly demolished that he has little self-interest to taint his observations. Fortunately, he has enough energy left to make deliciously nasty observations about his fellow characters. I love how fatalistic he is about life and his relationship with Cindy. He has completely given up on any attempt to improve their rapport, so he’s resorted to passive-aggressive, childish kinds of pranks that, in the hands of a reasonably intelligent man, become both hilarious and macabre. His blunt observations are hysterical as well.

I ask Neal how Sophia is doing and he says something about her just going after his trust fund.

Neal is not a great liar when he doesn't make an effort.I know he’s not as subversively cosmopolitan or counter-culture as Chuck Palahniuk, but this

[bochup]

Woo~ *t00bs in*
I actually came here to tell you that you are a real talent at layouts, and was treated with yummy good writing! Mmmmm...I like the way you structure the whole thing. The way the paragraphs were broken up helped readers register the points. Very stylish.

Anyway, the main purpose of me being here is to tell you that I've seen all the layouts you've done (the links you left on Cassie's LJ) and they're really beautiful. =D Yah, that's all. Nice to meet you. *waves*

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[eva_c]

Nice to meet you, too. :) *waves*

Thanks on the layouts. Glad you liked them. :D