how I ''Fucking'' LOVE YOU :-I
Dear B,
How strange that after 4 years we are still together. I was so reluctant in starting a relationship with you, or with anyone for that matter.
How so very happy I am that, each morning, you take time to kiss my lips 'goodbye' before you leave for work. How great it is to have you tell me about your day when you come back home to me every night.
Although it often does seem like the same day is repeated throughout the weeks and months of our 'pathetically predictable daily lives', I cannot tell you how grateful I am you've chosen to move in with me (even though I was OH-SO-VERY-RELUCTANT at the beginning of our relationship!). And predictable lives aren't so bad when shared with someone you enjoy...
How silly of me to roll onto your pillow when you leave our bed, just to smell 'the smell of you' all over it. I still get envigorated by the smell of your skin, the feel and the warmth of it.
I watch your silhouette in awe every time you undress and I want it even more so than the fist time that I saw it on that hot Summer night, years ago... I cannot get enough of you, Ben. It's just like that. How crazy is it that I love you more each day and that the passion for you has grown to such indecent proportions.
As foolish as it may seem, I am looking to every moment spent with you. I cannot wait to make you laugh again, sit in front of a fire at the Country house, surprise you with some stupid gift or make love to you longer and better each time.
I figured that this outburst of love I have been feeling over the past few months has been triggered by my fear of losing it all to cancer . The emergency to live "right this moment" intensely, passionately (even more so than before) is the '''GIFT''' that sickness gave me, and I intend to make this feeling last...
=======================================================================
I would love to send him this letter but R E A L I T Y IS:
All I ask of you is follow me, as 'down-to-earth' as you are, surely you can let yourself go sometimes? Don't you have outbursts of craziness too? Don't you feel rebellious and frivolous at times?
I fear you don't understand that I am boiling with exaltation and that I am about to burst...
=======================================================================
AND:
All I want(ed) is to go on a trip with you....... Somewhere to be away from it all... Go have fun -forget everything that just happened- I want you to see me as the carefree lover girl that you once knew. I want to take a break before I go back to work (soon, in 3 weeks)... I feel a lot of anxiety towards 'going back to work'.
Can't you understand this is not an excentric request??? I need to live outside of this box I've been stuck in for the past months.
and
I must go see a psychiatrist.
How strange that after 4 years we are still together. I was so reluctant in starting a relationship with you, or with anyone for that matter.
How so very happy I am that, each morning, you take time to kiss my lips 'goodbye' before you leave for work. How great it is to have you tell me about your day when you come back home to me every night.
Although it often does seem like the same day is repeated throughout the weeks and months of our 'pathetically predictable daily lives', I cannot tell you how grateful I am you've chosen to move in with me (even though I was OH-SO-VERY-RELUCTANT at the beginning of our relationship!). And predictable lives aren't so bad when shared with someone you enjoy...
How silly of me to roll onto your pillow when you leave our bed, just to smell 'the smell of you' all over it. I still get envigorated by the smell of your skin, the feel and the warmth of it.
I watch your silhouette in awe every time you undress and I want it even more so than the fist time that I saw it on that hot Summer night, years ago... I cannot get enough of you, Ben. It's just like that. How crazy is it that I love you more each day and that the passion for you has grown to such indecent proportions.
As foolish as it may seem, I am looking to every moment spent with you. I cannot wait to make you laugh again, sit in front of a fire at the Country house, surprise you with some stupid gift or make love to you longer and better each time.
I figured that this outburst of love I have been feeling over the past few months has been triggered by my fear of losing it all to cancer . The emergency to live "right this moment" intensely, passionately (even more so than before) is the '''GIFT''' that sickness gave me, and I intend to make this feeling last...
=======================================================================
I would love to send him this letter but R E A L I T Y IS:
All I ask of you is follow me, as 'down-to-earth' as you are, surely you can let yourself go sometimes? Don't you have outbursts of craziness too? Don't you feel rebellious and frivolous at times?
I fear you don't understand that I am boiling with exaltation and that I am about to burst...
=======================================================================
AND:
All I want(ed) is to go on a trip with you....... Somewhere to be away from it all... Go have fun -forget everything that just happened- I want you to see me as the carefree lover girl that you once knew. I want to take a break before I go back to work (soon, in 3 weeks)... I feel a lot of anxiety towards 'going back to work'.
Can't you understand this is not an excentric request??? I need to live outside of this box I've been stuck in for the past months.
and
I must go see a psychiatrist.